Just a year and three days ago, we said good-bye to my Gram. My husband and I were talking about where we were this time last year in regards to our kid's basketball and wrestling schedules...and I asked him "where was I, I don't remember that?". And then I said, this was the week of the service, of saying "see you again someday", of penning words that would rejoice in a life lived.
Speaking at her funeral was, is, and will remain one of the highest pressures and biggest honors of my life. A year ago "this" became a word that would bring great clarity to my life. A word that was just a word, until God spoke it on my heart, and commands it to this day when I most need it.
As I got in my car and drove the hour and a half drive to the hospital, praying, preparing for a move to hospice care, "this" verse came to me loud and clear. And I scrambled, while driving, to pull my journal and a pen out of my purse. I opened up my notebook to then next clean page, and with one hand on the wheel, and the other on my ink pen, I wrote: THIS is my day, no matter what happens, your gram is my child, THIS day is mine. Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.
I had bought a book in the hospital gift shop at the beginning of "this" the last week of her time here on earth. And as I turned the page that Saturday after writing and driving and saying good-bye...THIS was the verse, Psalm 118:24. I kid you not, you can come to my house and see what I wrote, my notes, the dates, the scripture. He speaks to us when we don't even realize we need speaking to...
This past September as we approached my mom's first birthday without her mom, it was weighing on me as I walked into a local shop to look for a gift. And as I turned the first corner, I spot this canvas with Psalm 118:24 on it and with a lump in my throat and tears flooding my eyes I knew that THIS was the gift. I had to give it to my mom one-on-one because it was something I couldn't give without crying. Good tears that knew THIS was a sign and gift not only from me, but from God and Gram as well.
And as I opened my birthday card from mom in November...THIS notepad fell out with Psalm 118:24 at the bottom.
And as I struggled to find something to share with you THIS week (because I put immense pressure on myself to be profound, inspiring, and beautiful), THIS verse comes across one of my blogs that I read each morning: www.dailyjot.com - and he tells of THIS verse keeping his wife going in the midst of illness.
To me THIS has become a word that describes a descriptive, unwavering, comforting call to be in the moment and the path to choose:
THIS day - Psalm 118:24
Not of THIS world - John 18:36
THIS place of undeserved privilege - Romans 5:2
The Lord gave me THIS message - Jeremiah 1:4
THIS is the first and greatest commandment - Matthew 22:38
He brought us to THIS place - Deuteronomy 26:9
See THIS pile of stones - Genesis 31:51
Because of THIS oath - Hebrews 7:22
Stand near me on THIS rock - Exodus 18:17
THIS is my son, my Chosen One, Listen to Him - Luke 9:35
and many more...just type THIS into your bible search engine...
A year ago THIS became a word that stops me in my tracks, makes my skin tingle, and calls me to attention. When God breathes THIS into my day, He is telling me, there is no other option, there is no other perspective, that His will lies in THIS reality...these are the facts.
THIS past year has been one of new courage for me. I spoke at my gram's funeral, I began to "Fill the Pulpit" (preach is a heavy word for me) at church, I began a blog, I wrote an essay for a book, I took on a leadership role at the State level for one of my groups. I am stepping out in faith because THIS is what God calls me, all of us to do. To rely on His bravery, His words, His will...
He's totally got THIS!
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
The Fresh Tiles of a New Year
Ahhhhh...the dawn of a new year. Three-hundred and sixty-five clean tiles on which we pursue lofty goals, ambitions, and all things good. Or if you are me, the first five or so tiles are fairly immaculate and then there is some smudging on the next few, then possibly or possibly not, some may appear to have been forcefully smashed against the concrete, staring up at me, reminding me my resolve tends to shatter just as easily.
Last year I did the one word approach. Presence. I went into the year making the effort to slow down and experience God's Presence in the moments that presented themselves. And I can pat myself on the back January - March, but I am pretty sure in July I had an "oh, yeah, I was supposed to be practicing His Presence" revelation. And rarely do we start back up where we left off, oh no, just table that for the next Monday, or after then next big event, or the next New Year.
And because I am no quitter, I am going to give some things a good old fashioned go-of-it for 2016.
The words that have been painting my tiles this first week of newness are: Seek. Discern. Intentional. And it is much easier to pick (and fail or not fail) one word, but as hard as I have tried, I can not find a way to separate these three.
If I am to seek God in my situations, I have to be able to discern that wherever I find myself, it is of His doing. And I have to be very intentional about what feelings, words, and actions follow.
If I am to seek new opportunities for myself, I have to discern if I will be able to shine God's light through the situation. And I have to be intentional about staying the course.
If I am to seek rest and restoration for my soul, I have to discern who and what that entails. And I have to be intentional about presenting this gift to myself.
God has already highlighted some things for me to work on. Yesterday was one of those days where across four different devotionals, randomly started, in no way connected...three of them had the same theme working on my heart - God's work in us takes time, and sometimes lots of it.
We have all these plans for the next 365 days, which in itself is ironic, because we are not in control. However, God knows are innermost heart, and He places the intention there. But instead of 365 days, guess what...He might say...40 years my friend...take a walk through this dessert I created...learn to rely on Me...then, if you are still concerned, we can talk about your plans.
I can affirm that a little over 4 years ago when I realized what it truly meant to have a relationship with God, I was not ready 5 days later to go out and conquer the world for Jesus. I could not have handled that scrutiny. Today I find myself a little stronger, but still full of sin and weakness on a daily basis. I have a mosaic of broken tiles as my shield. As I read yesterday, I had to acknowledge, that He may indeed mold me for another 40 years, before my "big" discipleship moment.
I read an inspiration the other day that said "Live each moment like you chose it". When I shared this with my husband the other day, he said "um, but I didn't choose it". And it is tough, because a lot of times, that is the case. But if we can switch the lever and discern where we find ourselves as if it was by choice, we can be more intentional about how we proceed while we seek whatever-in-the-wide-world-of-sports it is that we are seeking. So instead of bemoaning adversity, we can say "here I am, how do I want this to end, and how does God want this to end?". If we bring God along, the answer will always be gently, with kindness and love.
Seek, discern, be intentional. Your path is your own to grout...one beautiful, albeit sometimes broken/shattered, tile at a time. May you have a Fulfilling 2016!
Last year I did the one word approach. Presence. I went into the year making the effort to slow down and experience God's Presence in the moments that presented themselves. And I can pat myself on the back January - March, but I am pretty sure in July I had an "oh, yeah, I was supposed to be practicing His Presence" revelation. And rarely do we start back up where we left off, oh no, just table that for the next Monday, or after then next big event, or the next New Year.
And because I am no quitter, I am going to give some things a good old fashioned go-of-it for 2016.
The words that have been painting my tiles this first week of newness are: Seek. Discern. Intentional. And it is much easier to pick (and fail or not fail) one word, but as hard as I have tried, I can not find a way to separate these three.
If I am to seek God in my situations, I have to be able to discern that wherever I find myself, it is of His doing. And I have to be very intentional about what feelings, words, and actions follow.
If I am to seek new opportunities for myself, I have to discern if I will be able to shine God's light through the situation. And I have to be intentional about staying the course.
If I am to seek rest and restoration for my soul, I have to discern who and what that entails. And I have to be intentional about presenting this gift to myself.
God has already highlighted some things for me to work on. Yesterday was one of those days where across four different devotionals, randomly started, in no way connected...three of them had the same theme working on my heart - God's work in us takes time, and sometimes lots of it.
We have all these plans for the next 365 days, which in itself is ironic, because we are not in control. However, God knows are innermost heart, and He places the intention there. But instead of 365 days, guess what...He might say...40 years my friend...take a walk through this dessert I created...learn to rely on Me...then, if you are still concerned, we can talk about your plans.
I can affirm that a little over 4 years ago when I realized what it truly meant to have a relationship with God, I was not ready 5 days later to go out and conquer the world for Jesus. I could not have handled that scrutiny. Today I find myself a little stronger, but still full of sin and weakness on a daily basis. I have a mosaic of broken tiles as my shield. As I read yesterday, I had to acknowledge, that He may indeed mold me for another 40 years, before my "big" discipleship moment.
I read an inspiration the other day that said "Live each moment like you chose it". When I shared this with my husband the other day, he said "um, but I didn't choose it". And it is tough, because a lot of times, that is the case. But if we can switch the lever and discern where we find ourselves as if it was by choice, we can be more intentional about how we proceed while we seek whatever-in-the-wide-world-of-sports it is that we are seeking. So instead of bemoaning adversity, we can say "here I am, how do I want this to end, and how does God want this to end?". If we bring God along, the answer will always be gently, with kindness and love.
Seek, discern, be intentional. Your path is your own to grout...one beautiful, albeit sometimes broken/shattered, tile at a time. May you have a Fulfilling 2016!
