A Song to Recall My Memory

There is a new song out by Group 1 Crew called "Wake Me Up (Amnesia)".  And not only is this song catchy, for me, it is like sticking my nose against a mirror.  I am somewhat concerned that the band stalks me because this song was written about me, to me, for me...

Won't you wake me up when my faith is asleep; You never let me go, bring back my memory.  You bring these fools to love when you breathe into me.  Remind me how much I need ya, when I get amnesia.  Wake Me Up.

It also says "I forget the things that I should do, and do the things I shouldn't" and asks "who will I choose?  Me or You?".

I am going to be honest with y'all...when I am frustrated, grieving, plotting someone's demise...when I am in the heat of the moment...I totally forget what I am supposed to be doing.  And I know that God has His megaphone out when "Wake Me Up" comes on EVERY TIME I get in the car.  EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.  Wake up indeed...

I shut down when I am frustrated and go over scenarios in my head debating how to handle the situation.  I was told I appear rude...and I am sure I do...but I would rather appear rude, than open my mouth and totally confirm it.  I need time to cool my jets.   I also clean house when I am at a stalemate with myself, so if I appear rude, you may want to hire me to brighten your homestead. When the Swiffer comes out, my family knows to stear clear, even the dog...

And I prayed and cried and prayed and cried some more.  And when I was spent, I went to the Lord's Prayer and I had the BEST night's sleep that I have had in quite some time.  And God showed me a picture of my sorority sister and co-survivor of college physics at her 13 year old son's grave.  And my problem didn't seem quite so big.  And I got a text saying my sister-in-law's 19 year old brother had been in an accident and was called to rest in his forever home.  And my problem didn't seem quite so big.

And I wake up.  Because my amnesia clouds my current ability to remember that God is good and He is in control.  He counts our tears.  And yesterday, as my family laughed and giggled and ate cookie dough in the kitchen, He reminded me that He works ALL things for His good.  He reminded me that He brings my family closer and makes us stronger with each adverse situation.  He reminded me that life is so short and at the same time so much bigger than our current moment.  And He restored my peace.

My husband is the only thing that has survived my high-school goals.  And so for each of my children, this is but a moment.  A life lesson, an opportunity to test abilities, a chance to be molded and strengthened either in response to, or in spite of others.  Kids are way more resilient than adults, I have had 40 years to perfect holding a grudge and have had several moments where me and my friend Windex burned some calories.

Today was my daughters half-birthday and I took her this morning to get her learner's permit to drive and a Starbucks to celebrate the unbirthday.  She took over the wheel and got us back to the school parking lot all in one piece, although my hands are sore from gripping the seat.  As she bounded into school and I headed to work, the DJ on theHouseFM spoke to my heart.

She said REMEMBER when you were little and your parents would drop you off at your grandparents or a birthday party?  And she asked "what would they say as you got out of the car?".  Be good.  Because sometimes we get caught up in the moment and sometimes we just forget how to act.  As children of God we need to be reminded from time to time to be the good.

To REMEMBER all that He has blessed us with and that He is who we need to turn to in times of amnesia.

1 Thessalonians 1:3 Remember without ceasing your work of faith, and labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ...

REMEMBER that He sent His son to walk with us.  He understands humaning is way hard sometimes.  Jesus was constantly teaching us to love beyond ourselves and turned over tables in the temple because humans are good at making a mockery of things and forgeting what He came for.  People, we are messy and absent-minded and I am sure I get it wrong a lot more than I get it right most weeks.



Christmas is God's gift of sacrifice.  A "Wake-Up" to the world to be reconciled.  A megaphone in a manger calling us to remember how much He is needed in our world, so small and at the same time, so incredibly consuming...

'Tis the Season of Self-Control

My daughter made our family's first round of (people) puppy chow this past Sunday, before December ever even rolled over on the calendar.  Monday night she was applying some serious peer-pressure for me to have a handful.  I have been living low-carb since before Halloween, so I kindly explained to her that I am weak in the area of self-control with yummy things and one harmless bite would turn into me finishing off the container...which is quite large.  She replied "that is some serious self-control to not even have a bite".

I was happy to have the distraction of teaching her to make the (people) puppy chow that afternoon, because I was in the middle of some self-imposed stewing.  Someone from our church had responded, in what "I" perceived, rather rudely to something that was meant for the good of all, not just our church.  And it took me the better part of the day to calm down.  It took a tremendous amount of self-control to not tell them my current perception of their actions.  

Tuesday night, as I was ending my voluntary shift in the basketball concession, I had someone start in on me about all the things they didn't agree with.  It probably wasn't the kindest gesture, but my facial expression was a wide-eyed are you serious? and my arms went up in the air and I walked off.  My physical ability to bite my tongue is getting better, but the thumping pressure of blood coursing through my body is contending for top speed on Fast and Furious.  

And it is only December 3rd.

This month is the month of self-control.  We have to keep ourselves in check and control:

How much we indulge our appetite at the numerous Open Houses and Holiday Parties.

How much we spend on gifts.

How many gifts.

How full we fill our calendars.

The choice to attend church functions over sleeping-in or running errands.

If we have that extra glass of wine.

If we allow ourselves to get overwhelmed by all there is to do before the 25th.

If we show kindness (or at least the ability to be quiet...maybe not use our arms as we walk away).

If we slow down enough to realize that we are blessed and maybe there is something we can do for someone whose current situation isn't as comfortable as our own.

How many cookies we have.

How much puppy-chow we eat.

How many times we forgive others who are just as wound up by the season and things not going their way.

The season is in our hands.  And I am preaching to myself here...the season should be in our hearts.  Preach. On.  It should be about Celebrating the birth of a savior.  Savior.  Sent to Save.  We sang a song last night by 4Him "A Strange Way to Save the World".  And so He did...

This should be the time of year that we are moved to extend grace, love, compassion, mercy, and the message of Hope.  Yet we are more concerned over wrappings, shiny things, merlot, eggnog, proper verbage, and the next batch of perfectly decorated sugar cookies.  Just typing all that makes my ears warm and so nervous I have to go pee.

2 Timothy 1:7  For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.  

The power to choose our words.  To power to search our heart for what is kind, true, and necessary.  

Love.  "Love Came Down at Christmas" is one of my favorite hymns.  A Savior.  Meant for good, and somewhere along the journey, the world krept in, and well...now we have to have self-control.

Self-discipline.  It is an art I tell ya.  Jesus saves...but His people, including myself, well...we make it all a little messy.   Thanks a lot Eve...

The good news is, that if you woke up this morning, He is giving you another chance to give it a go.  To lean on His Power to brighten your month, to wrap His Love around you like a fuzzy blanket, and to rely on His Self-Control (remember He was tempted too) to fill our stockings to the end of earth. 

Change is hard.  Changing our mindset to what the season is really about is hard.  It goes against every breeze that hits us when we step out our front door.  It goes against every TV commercial, holiday flyer, and community comparison.   

Change takes self-control, love, and power - all are freely given by a Savior, born in a manger, wrapped in sack cloth. 

"Love Came Down at Christmas" by one of my favorite Christian Bands - Jars of Clay

 "A Strange Way to Save the World" perfomed by Rascal Flatts (Beautiful!!)

Thankful (Part 3) - Never Alone

I am thankful for my family.  I know you all have been waiting for that chiche to rear its thankful head and so today, I give you family...and a little bit more.

This is a version of one of my favorite sayings.  And this is 100% my family.  I love low maintenance, I love that we can not talk for weeks or months, but when we do...it is like we have been hanging out on the front porch every night.  I love that we all know the other all is crazy busy living their crazy blessed life and we do not hold it against them one iota.  

I love that when we talk, the depth of our conversation is several layers deep because we don't really have time to talk about what we had for dinner, the weather, or the current state of our excretory system.  We talk because we need to express that we LOVE each other with the complete insanity that runs through each generation.  We share because the void of time, no matter how brief or extended, has nothing on the current moment.  

I have several different branches in my life that I would totally include on my family tree.  

One of those branches is my high school friends.  We met over a year ago for our 20th High School Reunion...I know right!  Feels like yesterday and we all don't look a day over a 5 year reunion.  And I don't talk to them that frequently, and see them even less.  But I LOVE them and I am so very proud of each one of them for their beautiful families, and their happiness, and their adaptablity, and for just simply making it this far, because, I dare say I am not alone in "adulting is way harder than I thought it would be".  What we share over Facebook messages is etched on my heart, because we are sharing life, and aging, and funnies, and a little bit of thanks that although far apart, we are not alone.

I have another branch that extends in a crazy direction that includes my college experiences through PLC, Sigma Kappa, and all the other interactions that stemmed off of those two families.  I still keep in touch with several ladies and gents and you want to talk about inspiring!  Civic leader, preachers, teachers, special-needs parents, newscasters, peace-corp, doctorates, and lawyers...there are some serious stories of tragedy, triumph, hope, grace, divorce, loss, gain, perseverence, contentment...so proud to say I served and lived alongside of them for a moment.

Some of the thickest branches include our baseball families.  We always come out of the season (aside from one bad choice - mistakes happen) closer to most of the families that we spend 5+ months with.  Some have even visited us in our modest little town and they still LOVE us!  We have shared car rides, vacations, hotel rooms, sunflower seeds, beers, salsa (no double dipping of course), tears, laughter, resources, bats, umbrellas, blankets, high-fives...and some remain our sturdiest branches today.  Because of them I know the power of a jelly fish, can talk boy puberty without blushing, have tried every flavor of sunflower seed known to man, and through them, I have learned that we can be randomly united for the love of the game.  

I am thankful for the beautifully painted branch that is my women's bible study group.  Over the past four years we have read, prayed, welcomed, and grown together.  I feel we are at a point where God is calling us to go deeper and leave the comfort zone behind...I don't know what that looks like, or what that means, but I firmly know that we do not walk it alone.

I am thankful for the branch that contains my two-favorite bloggers and workers for Christ.  

(1) Kristen Welch founded Mercy House and her Blog "We Are That Family" constantly reminds me that at times we all yell at our kids, can't afford to give them everything, want to save the world, struggle with ebbs and flows in relationships, women should support women, and in the end, we can only do so much.  (The Mom Quilt supports Mercy House and contains an essay by me!).  (2) Jen Hatmaker is who I would stalk if I was that kind of person.  If you have not read Interupted, 7:  A Mutiny Against Excess, or For the Love - well your tree is not being watered abundantly.  She reminds us that leggings are not pants, that 40 is freeing, that you really can wear the same 7 pieces of clothing for one month and live to tell about it, and that humaning is hard work.  BOTH of these ladies write about how many of us HAVE BEEN BLESSED ABUNDANTLY...and ask "what are you going to do about it?".  

And without giving you a mini-sermon here...I am thankful for the roots and vine that have established the encompassing knowledge that I am never alone when I allow my day to begin with Christ.  I rarely talk to myself anymore, but I found myself talking to Him alot.  I always believed in God, but until four years ago, I never realized what it meant to have a relationship with God.  To realize that He has been chasing me, protecting me, redirecting me...my whole life.  

Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone.  Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me.  John 16:32

We are all scattered in different locations, different stages of life, different teams, long and short moments.  But the Father is with each and every one of us -whether you are ready to acknowledge that relationship or not...He ain't goin' nowhere!

As we enter this time of Thanks-Giving, no matter what family branch you are with, or how many branches you have to visit over the course of the next week, or what branches may hit you as your crazy busy life goes cruzing by...Stop and take in all the many branches you have been blessed with and let your life be watered with the fact that you are never truly alone.  

**The following link is to my Pinterest Board that contains many things that I am thankful someone said, because it helps remind me that I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings...maybe you can relate to a few and can feel that same comfort of a kindred soul swinging from their tree:

"A Little Bit Me"

Thankful (Part 2) - Dear Journey of My 30's

In a short 10.5 days, I will enter a new decade.  I have never been one of "those people" who enters the next year with apprehension, regret, or dread.  I have also never been one to make a big deal about the approaching day of birth or turn the whole month of November into "all about me".  Not my style.  It is another day on the calendar and as mine usually lands the same week as Thanksgiving, it has a tendency to be overshadowed by turkey, family, all things pumpkin, and here-is-a-Christmas-decoration-for-your-birthday-gift.

Whatever the degree to which I downplay the next year of life, inside I am so thankful for all of it's crazy imprints on the first 4 decades of love, lessons, and celebrations.  I am extremely thankful to be bidding my 30's a quasi-fond farewell...

http://www.welcome-home-blog.net/2013/06/there-is-story-they-tell-of-two-dogs.html

To this woman who has lived through her thirties and survived to tell about it:

You will enter your thirties with a near-death experience.  Seriously.  Your thirtieth birthday was a blast, dinner on the canal and an OKC Hornets game with your soul mate.  Now I don't know if it was the fact that you were 115 lbs, low-carbing, and teaching indoor-cycling four days a week, but the wine at dinner and cosmos at the piano bar after the game did you in...You will pass out in the shower the next morning and then hop in the car for an hour and half drive to Thanksgiving dinner with your family.  Cheers to you 30!  The good news here is that you will not overdo it again for at least ten years and counting...

In the few months following entry into your thirtieth decade, you will be faced with unemployment and the diagnosis of cancer in your very own momma.  January and February will be very dark months for you, but you will be supported in ways you never imagined by people you never would have thought.  And you will begin to say good-bye.  Good-bye to your college town (Go Bronchos!), your home for the past 12 years, the birth town of your babies, neighbors and friends in the same stage of life as you, your sanity, vodka (allergic), 115 lbs (never to be seen again), 10:00 pm trips to Target (it really is for the best), early morning runs, and a wee-bit of selfishness (though this will be a humbling process that comes to a head at 36).

As you approach 31, you will find yourself in a a new-to-you small town just 8 miles from where you "grew up" as a youth.  You will have lived with your parents for a couple of months while waiting to close on a house.  You will have moved into that new house and cried many tears as you cleaned up years of dust and grime in every crevice of your new project.  Your daughter adjusts wonderfully to her new school and finds a new friend that reminds you exactly of the little friend she left in Edmond.  Your son will have a harder time and it will take a lot of prayers and patience to walk this experience with him.  Small town life is extremely different from the life you were accustomed to.  It is best to keep these observations to yourself as you will soon learn...everyone is related and you are not from here.  

You will find yourself trying out a few different career paths in your thirties.  Trying to figure out who you are, where you fit in, and the best was to contribute to your family and soul.  You are ever the trusting being and you will be deeply wounded by friends, board members, church family...this is not their fault.  You are trying to be something you are not yet ready for and relying on people and things that are not capable of meeting the same expectations you set for yourself.  You need to chill out and I hate to say it, but it will be one of the hardest processes I feel you will ever go through.

You will trust someone to have your families best interest in mind.  You will enter into a partnership and find yourself owning a store.  You will continue trying to be all things to all people and your perfectionism disorder will cause you a great deal of stress.  You will be attacked by people you don't even know.  You will have your income stolen and broken by a few kids up to no good.  And you will have to let go.  Let go of plans, a home, dignity, pride, "friends", gossip, perfectionism, control, reputation, effort, facades, self...

It is here that after 36 long years...you find a relationship with God.  Not a church, a sermon, or simply a belief in God...but you will find Him.  He will begin to reveal Himself to you in powerful ways and the light at the end of your dark tunnel will begin to be blinding.  You will discover new gratitude for your marriage and your little family of four.  The people that you have have always tried to be there for, will begin to be there for you.  You will realize that the violent way that everything was taken from you can only mean that you are NOT in control - this is the most freeing revelation - hold onto it with all your strength and bring it to mind when things get low from time-to-time, because they will.  

Your circle has gotten much smaller as you approach 40, but the quality of those involved in your life has increased ten-fold.  You are a work-in-progress that does your best to capture every thought and word and examine it for its potential goodness in the world.  You have learned to say NO - and I am so very proud of you.  The world did not end with those two letters flowing off your tongue.  Own that word with compassion and kindness.  While the process of the past four years has been humbling and blessed, sometimes lonely, it has brought you to so many illuminated places internally...focus on the good in you and in the world.  Keep writing, keep loving, keep forgiving, keep talking to God.

My wish for you is that you approach the next 10 years with a minimalist mindset.  Downsizing all the "things" in your life that you do not find lovely or that do not bring you joy.  If it clutters your closet or mind, donate it to the world and move on.  Pull those BandAids off and share your scars with the world.  Turn them into a kickin' tattoo that allows you to witness to the world the work of God's grace and mercy in your life.  Let your mantra be:

Luke 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Yes dearest thirties, I learned a lot from you.  I got back to high-school skinny twice - then I remembered that I really like cheesecake and carbs.  I approached you with my whole life planned and I am leaving you living day-by-precious-day.  I entered you with a 5 year-old and a 3 year-old.  I am taking a 15 and 13 year-old into my 40's and I never imagined that I could love two people more.  At thirty, I had been married, like-forever and 10 years...but at forty, it will be 20 years and all I hope for is more and more time with my heart, my best-friend.

Good-bye to you 30's.  You have given me a lifetime of lessons in your ten years with me.  The foundation I enter 40 with is several layers more solid and because I hold no expectations...it is way more exciting to approach.  I am thankful for you, but please know, that I will not miss you.

My Best Regards,

Your 39 year, 354.5 Day Old Thankful Friend

Thankful (Part 1) - Yep I'm Going There

Home...

When you look up the definition of home, you will find several options to choose from:  a place of residence; the social unit formed by a family of individuals living together; a familiar setting; a place of origin; a residence providing care for people with special needs; and the object of victory in certain games.

If you would have asked me about nine years ago what a home was, I would have given you the "place of residence", and I would dare say, the most common and expected answer.  But almost four years ago to the day, we were forced into bankruptcy and reluctantly, but eventually willingly, conceded our "home". 

As I sit here and think about all the structures I have resided in, I am pretty positive I have the majority of them covered:  Trailer parks (many), house in the country, childhood home, college dorm, sorority house, 3-bedroom apartment, 700 sq' duplex, big city first-time home buyer new construction, larger second home in the "country" on an acre with some of the best neighbors evvaaah..., small town 3400 sq' 100-year home dream project (going into it), fear of being homeless/living in parents basement, and currently...1100 sq' of 100-year old 'cozy'. 

To look at that previous paragraph, it is completely humbling on many levels.  My first thought is that is all so temporary...just a place...a blessed place of shelter until the next piece of the puzzle is put into place.  Second thought, is that God has always provided for me.  I have always had a roof over my head, it may not be the roof I have always dreamed of, but it has always simply been.  And third, with many shelters in the U.S. overflowing there are people in this world that may only have one or two of those structures on their list and one of those might be the shelter or in third-world countries it might be a box...

As discussion after the second break-in to our store began and we approached the cliff on the tiptoes of bankruptcy, my husband and I were on opposite ends of what to do with our "home".  After all, the house is what drew us to the small town, sealed the deal.  This neglected old home with red-oak woodwork and old stone fireplace and the opportunity to restore it into all the beauty we saw it could be under the layers of green shag carpet, one-inch of dust, and foam ceiling tiles.  And we did what we could, and it was beautiful.  And it was our sweat, tears, smashed thumbs, curse words, and satisfaction in the final product.  And....it was hard to let go. 

But in the end it was just a place.  A place that housed "things" that we had collected over the years.  A place that housed memories, yes...but those memories transfer with us, they are not fixed.  A place that had felt much of our sadness and witnessed some ugly discussions as we absorbed the tragedy of losing it all.  The people within the house mattered....the memories of 16 years of marriage being packed into boxes mattered...the hope that God would use it for His good somehow...mattered.

Let me tell you something about the little "home" we are in now...it needs a lot of work...just like us.  I have no doubt that God looks down on us and dreams of all the updates He would like to make on our hearts. If we would only invest in bettering ourselves one tile at a time, as we dream of doing to the kitchen backsplash.  My bathroom is holding on to 1960's salmon tile and a matching sink...what am I holding onto from the past that needs to be left in the past?  And the east and south side of the house still has the original windows and screens, and while full of character, they lack efficiency...sometimes I am full of personality, but am I really using that to make others around me the best they can be?

The greatest thing (and sometimes the worst) is that we are always together.  Someone might be watching TV in the living area, while one is at the desk on the computer, and someone else is coloring in their new journaling Bible at the table.  We are in the same 250 sq' every night and it is awesome.  If someone gets up and goes to sit on the back deck with the hound dog, the other three usually aren't far behind...that my friends...is home.

 Home is my son begging his dad to start the charcoal on the grill, home is that we can hear someone singing in the salmon shower in the short distance to the living room, home is everyone holding their nose because someone tooted on the couch under their blanket, home is everyone of us talking baby-talk to our basset hound when we go to the back door, home is my daughter's addiction to baking, home is coloring for six hours last Saturday in our Bibles together, home is knucks at bedtime, home is shoes that have had feet in them lying on top of folded sweaters in my small closet, home is my grandma's bowling pins in a frame behind the couch, home is a cold beer and fire pit.  Anyhow...that is how I see home.

2 Corinthians 9:11 is part of the section on the 'Cheerful Giver' and Paul says:  "You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce Thanksgiving to God."

My small house has enriched me.  I am thankful that I have a roof over my head that happens to be new.  I am thankful that it only takes me an hour tops to clean it ceiling to floor...not that that always happens, but in theory it is pretty spectacular.  I do my best to be generous when I can to others going through a drought in life...I have been there, I have made it through...thanks be to God.

I have learned that it is not the shell that surrounds me while I sleep, but the beings that inhabit the innermost parts of my heart while I rest...that is home. 

Tonight I Art!

I am attending a workshop tonight on Bible Journaling. A group of about 16 of us is totally going to play with different mediums, and colors, and stickers, and tracing paper...and I am so excited!

I used to paint quite a bit before I had babies, and those babies went to school, and those babies aren't babies anymore and keep my calendar without any blank spaces.  Painting was therapeutic for me and was the one thing I did in my life that was detail oriented, although I pretend that I have every aspect of my life operating within the fine lines.

I am also a big fan of coloring books.  I loved when the kids were toddlers and I had an excuse to buy coloring books and crayons.  I tried my best to be patient when they wandered on to the next activity and I was not yet done with my masterpiece.

intheplayroom.co.uk

If you follow me on Pinterest, you know that I started a board, Copy Cat (so very sorry that I bombarded your home feed), just for the pure inspiration of all that my new Journaling Bible can be.  And not only am I giddy about the prospect of beautiful bible art, I am looking forward to finding fresh (to me) impactful scripture to jump out at me on each page.  I find myself envisioning my current favorites and how I will illustrate them, give them life, and create new visual memories of how very good God is to us.

I can be fun, but I am not always known as the fun parent.  When did I forget to be childlike?  At what point did I opt out and begin to pick up the problems of the world?  Why do I constantly allow perceived responsibility to trump dirty kitchen, laundry piles, and throwing a bouncy ball in the craziest of ways with my thirteen year old?

I am here to tell you all that I need to lighten up my friends.  Knowing and doing are on opposite ends of the spectrum most days, but I am going to make every effort to meet them in the middle.

You know what is crazy cool?  We are all the children of someone forever.  And whether or not you have an enriched relationship with your earthly parents, or one that is strained, quiet, or at a point of termination...you will always be a child of God.  He loves you and finds great joy when you build forts, play with legos, answer a toy phone, ride a bike, skip rope, hula-hoop, do the cabbage-patch, sing like a rock-star, and when you color like it is going to be hung on the walls of your very own art exhibit.

What childhood activity have you let go by the wayside?  I challenge you to make time to rediscover it, embrace it fully like a second grader doing double-dutch, channel all the silliness that your adult self has submerged, and put a smile on your Father's face!

Mark 10:14-16 ..."Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all".  And He took them in His arms and began blessing them...

Let's Not Tire of Doing What is Good

So, for the fourth time since Wednesday, I have received the following verses, either through a devotion, random search on Pinterest, or going through an old journal:

Galatians 6:9-10 So let's not get tired of doing what is good.  At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.  Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone, especially those in the family of faith.

thewordfortheday.tumblr.com

I was having a hard time with three financially unexpected hickies and was totally weary of doing life the 'good way'.  I finally had a teary-eyed pity party at lunch Wednesday, much to my husband's surprise - because remember, I am the good-front-hold-it-all-together gal - and although I usually try to prioritize my devotions for first thing in the morning, Wednesday did not go as planned.

So I cry, and get back to work, and THIS scripture above is in my inbox.

I had also thrown in a "life is not fair" party, "when will we catch a break?" party, "maybe I will try to skirt the issue" party, and my newly negative word "really?" party.  I may or may not have talked to God in an angry, despondent tone...

And so, because HE is awesome...He had adjusted my morning in order that I would read this 'Verse of the Day' at just the right time of the day.  And later that night at WBS, we received the challenge of the week to STOP COMPARING!!  And yesterday...twice I found this verse in front of me and then early this morning (like 5:30ish), here it comes again.

Although I know better by now, I am constantly amazed that emotionally, spiritually, physically, effortly, judgementally, and needily...today is not a whole lot different than when the Bible was being penned. 

Trying to stay morally grounded in this earthquake world; trying to fight the battle of patience in this instant-gratification war-zone is challenging; and remembering that God has an even better bigger-picture plan for your life in this everything in a 2"x4" cell phone screen is hard to comprehend in human minds.

What I am focusing on today is turning it over to God...the fear, worry, and anxiety that is always waiting for an opportunity to glue itself to me.  I have to pray to have the burden lifted, to tell God I am angry about it and accept that He is not obliged to lend me understanding at this time, and to embrace the realization that there is not a thing I could or would have done different.

If anyone knows what we are battling, it is Paul...hot-headed, passionate, eager to do what was right, constantly lifting up the 'weary', patient, stead-fast, enduring, jailed, and set-free.  I have a shirt that says "Hate is Easy, Love Takes Courage".  I think Paul would have liked it. 

It is easy to get caught-up in a whirlwind of negative and forget to stop, be still, and focus on the good.  ALL the good that we never even asked for.  Ephesians tells us that it is by God's grace we are saved and to pretty much quit trying to earn it, expect it, or work for it.  If we can hold on to this unfathomable gift that simply is because of who He is...for me, it means that He is good, even when I yell at Him.  He is good even when I am debating earthly fairness.  He is always good, never weary, even with me...who can be a little difficult and the thrower of parties themed with all things questioning and doubting.

I read in another blog this week "bad paths are easy to get into, but hard to get out of...like a bag of Oreos".  We may be emotionally spent and think that cutting corners will alleviate some of the burden, we may even think we can stop whenever we feel like it...but "Hello Instant Gratification" will lead to harder paths (and more calories) in the long run.

So by God's grace and a little salt water purge...I am renewed, refocused, and throwing a party that is a little more thankful, a lot more humble, and fully anticipating that big-picture harvest!

My Own Personal Staircase

Okay, last week and this week, I am experiencing some major writer's block y'all.  I have prayed over it and I even read 3 (three!!) books last week hoping to be inspired and I think all I did was completely cloud my judgement and perspective on a few things.  So something that you should know about me when this happens...I get quiet.

If I am not sure what direction you are coming at me from...I get quiet.

If I am not sure if it is kosher to throw something out there...I get quiet.

If I read something that deeply affects me, I have to set it aside and...I get quiet.

In situations where many, many people are being passive aggressive and/or down right rude...I get quiet.

My Timehop on Facebook these past few days has been from 4-5 years ago of not-so-fun memories...it makes me quiet.  And as I sit here wondering what message God wants me to share with you, I guess it would be that feelings are human, they are hard, real, always just beneath the surface, and...they are okay.  

He wants us to know that moments of deep despair will rock our little worlds and bring us to our knees, but there is this wonderful staircase of grace and mercy that is begging for ascension when we dry our tears and change our course.  We can't begin this climb in the middle of the stairwell, it has to begin at the bottom.

We have been studying the parables of forgiveness in WBS and it is hard to discern if you have or have not forgiven sometimes, especially when the wonderful world of feelings throws lumps in your throat and sprinkles emotions in your eyeballs.  We discussed feeling's sneaky little side-kick trust last week.  Forgiveness is the tread before you get to the first step.  Trust and feelings can be a tall, steep climb.  It took the first disciples a very, very long time to trust Saul/Paul.  They "felt" he was a bit aggressive in his commission...and Paul said:

2 Corinthians 11:6  I may be unskilled as a speaker, but I am not lacking in knowledge... 

So, sometimes the words don't come out quite right, people don't get us...or we get quiet.  Those are the times we find ourselves at the top of an incline, where the oxygen gets a little thin, and God breathes new life into us.

Every once in awhile a little meloncholy Timehop is good.  It lets you look back at all the stairs you have conquered, at all the dried puddles of saltwater and fear, at rickety steps of regained or extended trust, and at a smooth wrought iron handrail of acceptance, love, and a peace that only God can provide.

So if you happen upon me and I am quiet, know that I am just pausing on my staircase, holding onto the handrail so I don't fall, fixing some squeaky boards, examining my tread for wear-and-tear, and chilling with God at the oxygen bar.  

Pic courtesy of becauseofgrace.wordpress.com

I'm 'Really' Not Complaining...

Philippians 2:4  Do everything without complaining and arguing.

Soooooo...we were issued a seven-day challenge at WBS this week:  Give up Complaining for Seven Days!  There is nothing quite as cheerful as a group of women...laughing.  It was a bit of that "yeah right" nervous laugh we heard this past Wednesday.

And less than 12 hours later...I needed a point of clarification:  If I grumble in my head, but refuse to verbalize is it complaining?  And it just so happens that my little 'go-to' dictionary.com says "to grumble is to utter ill-natured complaints half to oneself".  Yep.  Nailed it.

And if I am to go by their definition of 'complain' - 1. To express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault; 2. To tell of one's pains, ailments, etc; and 3. To make a formal accusation - well...it would appear that I have a wee bit of work to do.

In scrolling down this revelation, I came across the Antonym (Opposite for those of you, who like me, need a refresher in "English before I was 18"):  Rejoice!

That is it!  One word to turn that frown upside down - Rejoice!  So, in my complete and utter defeat, I decided to claim three Rejoices for every (wink-wink) grumble.

1. Issue at work with someone not turning in their paperwork (see point of clarification):
                  1.  Mmmmmmmmm.....coffee!
                  2.  One more day to Friday!
                  3.  My husband gets me!

2. Received a text (generalized to protect the innocent); Can you be in charge of this?...Great thank you so much! (all part of the same text).
                  1.  Yum - My house totally smells like fresh baked cookies!
                  2.   Squeezes on the best daughter and friend for making my house smell like fresh baked cookies!
                  3.   New toothbrushes are the bomb!

3.  Giant tractor with Giant tires flicking mud as I keep a safe driving distance behind it.  My immediate response was:  Really?  - OMG - How many times a day do I say just that word and not even notice, nor give it credit for being a complaint (see dissatisfaction)?
                 1.  Beautiful Sunrise!
                 2.  First5 Devotion on trading your "bowl of beans" (if you do not have this app - go now!)
                 3.  Love theHouse FM keeping me company on my morning drive!

4.  Still hasn't turned in paperwork (point of clarification and complaint 1. that began my demise):
                 1.  Mmmmmmmm.....coffee!
                 2.  It is Friday!
                 3.  My husband still gets me and supports (calling) me (out) in this 7 day quest of "good intentions"...

5.  Me:  This morning in sure taking its own sweet time
     Husband:  That was a reportable complaint
     Me:  No...that is an observation.  (Oh alright!!)
                 1.  It is 64 degrees outside - Welcome Fall - My Fav!
                 2.  Chili Bowl for Lunch!
                 3.  Co-worker back from vacation - thankful for a smile to greet me and safe travels for them to and from their journey.

And I am beyond thankful, seventy times seven times, for my fearless WBS leader for issuing this challenge.  I may not ((cough-cough) will not) boast a 100% success rate, but I am completely and utterly examining every thought that hits my feeble human head and discerning whether or not it should be put out into the world.

Psalms 104:34  May all my thoughts be pleasing to Him, for I rejoice in the Lord.

Jen Hatmaker says "the hardest part of being human is the human part".

Just as we have co-workers, kiddos, spouses, drives to work, accountability, requests for assistance...we are ourselves co-workers, kiddos, spouses, drivers, accountables, and requestors.  Our lives up until this very moment have shaped how we approach circumstances, responses, and daily human duties.  I don't want to have any encounter where people's response to me is "Really?".

Not complaining, just observing...five more days seems like a LONG time!  (Oh alright!!)
               1.  Thank you for reading - so overwhelmed by your support!
               2.  This is my 23rd Post - I flippin' love that number!
               3.  It is the weekend!  Capture your thoughts and Rejoice!
               4.  BONUS - God is so very good to me...Really!

(Photo Courtesy of my Pinterest Addiction and beckythompson.com)

The Dandelion Police - Let Us All Grow Together

This Fall, my WBS group is studying The Parables of Jesus and our verses this week were "AHA!!" for me.  From Matthew 13:27-30

So the servants of the owner came and said to him, 'Sir, did you not sow the good seeds in your field?  How then does it have tares?'  He said to them, 'an enemy has done this.'  The servants said to him, 'Do you want us then to go and gather them up?'  But he said, 'No, lest while you gather up the tares you also uproot the wheat with them.  LET BOTH GROW TOGETHER until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, "First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn."  (Caps and bold are mine...so awesome!)

Let both grow together...the wheat AND the weeds.
Let both grow together...the good AND the wicked.
Let both grow together...that which initially has the right roots AND that which initially has the bad roots.

Matthew Henry's Commentary:

This parable represents the present and future state of the gospel church.  Christ's care of it, the devil's enemy against it, the mixture there is in it of good and bad in this world, and the separation between them and the world...whatever is amiss in the church, we are sure it is not from Christ...no human skill can make an exact separation.  Those who oppose must not be cut off, but instructed...and though the good and bad are together in this world, yet at the great day they shall be parted...

There is good and bad in the church, and this is not the work of Christ, nor can we as humans, make the proper discernment as to play "Eeny-meeny-miney-mo" in order to determine who is sincere and who is not.

John Darby's Synopsis:

The result was that the kingdom here below no longer presented as whole the appearance of the Lord's own work,  He sows not tares...all must remain unremedied until the King's interposition at the time of harvest...Heretics, false brethren, will be there, as well as the the fruit of the Lord's word...at the time of harvest, the Lord will deal first with the tares...the servants are not capable of doing this. The intermingling (caused by their weakness and carelessness) is such, that in gathering out the tares they would uproot the wheat also...their service is with the good.  The execution of judgment on the wicked in this world does not belong to the servants of Christ.

Again....humans are not charged with judging the good and the bad.  We think we are and don't we know a few people who try really hard to pull pull out all the weeds before anything has even bloomed?  We are the Dandelion Police; there will be no yellow blossoms or dry petal wishes in this field of wildflowers!

And perhaps my favorite commentary on this lesson is from Albert Barnes' Notes:

1. That hypocrites and deceived persons must be expected in the church.

2.  That this is the work of the enemy of man...They belong to the world, and hypocrisy is only one form of sin.  The Christian religion never "made" a hypocrite.

3.  That all hope of removing them entirely would be vain.

4.  That an "attempt" to remove them altogether would injure real Christianity, by causing excitements, discord, and hard feelings even among Christians.

5.  That Christ will himself separate them at the proper time...those who so successfully imitate Christians as to make it difficult or impossible for man to distinguish them.

To be honest...I loved the Dandelion when I was little.  I loved yellow, I loved fluffy, I loved overnight transformation into a wishing weed.  As I am now responsible for my own lawn care (with my faithful mower husband), I have come to view the Dandelion a little more harshly...I do not want it's wispy white wishes to plant more wishes in my yard.  I have grabbed my badge and "think" that I am capable of discerning what is good and bad in my own field.

LET BOTH GROW TOGETHER...

Just as the roots of the wheat and tares become interwoven, and attempting to remove the weeds before the harvest is ready can destroy the wheat...so do we affect the maturity of Christian growth when we think we have the authority to criticize before the full potential is reached.

I think of my own path.  If someone would have gone all "round-up" on me when I was in my 20's, I would not be sitting here typing today.  And I know that there is so much more that I could be doing to prepare myself for the harvest.  But I still have days where my bad roots and my good roots intertwine, and I am not talking hair.

Here is the deal...every part of the Dandelion is useful:  Medicine, food, color dyes.  It is high in vitamins A, C, and K and used frequently in Asian salads.  Dandelions are grown as a crop in Belgium and they can be used in the production of wine and root beer - Raise the Roof!!

And I love this...if you mow it, it will produce a shorter-stalk to spite you!  Does that sound like some experiences within the church or what?
 

You know the saying "sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield"? Well...sometimes you are the wheat, and sometimes you are the weed.  But praise be to God, that Jesus is the sower and He says...LET BOTH GROW TOGETHER.  We should strive each day to be the wheat, to encourage tares to draw from our roots, to GROW TOGETHER until the time of harvest, careful not to "short-stalk" anyone who we deem less than useful.

May we put away our badges, gaze upon all there is to offer from a single yellow weed-flower, take a deep breath in....and exhale as we wish for ALL to be ready for the harvest.

AMEN.

Icky Weary Week...It Happens

"YOU GUYS!!!! Kristen Clark Welch just messaged me to say that some one just donated the balance for the well in Kenya. It is officially FULLY FUNDED!!!! heart emoticon I am overjoyed! So glad that we got to play a small part in this! We will continue to raise money for Mercy House through the book sales... I will talk with Kristen about setting up more goals or just leaving it as open donations as needed. There are a lot of overhead costs in the ministry with medical expenses etc. for the girls so I am excited that we can provide some extra income for them even beyond the well!" - Paula Rollo

What a message to land in my inbox this week!  I have had one of those weeks where I am too readily focused on this world that is full of all things icky right now:  Political snarkiness, injured athletes, blatantly unkind Christians, suicide, saturated fats, late summer humidity, cancer diagnosis, cancer deaths, 13-year old sweaty gym bags, broken air-conditioner, 8th grade bullies, ACT Prep...

I allow myself to be overwhelmed, when there is so much good going on every single day that is much more conducive to my mood and deserving of my joy.  Right after my daughter was born, I got a small spark to do missions work.  I have told my WBS group that I think it would be amazing to live abroad for a year doing missions work.  In my plan...I travel and help villages in poverty.  Through the Mom Quilt, I have the chance to be a part of an amazing missions project, however, God isn't choosing to send me through the passport process and hours of air borne entertainment just yet.

I have witnessed this week a community come together financially and through prayer for a young life cut short.

As I scroll through my facebook feed, I am brought to tears for a family I don't even know, but again, their story hits close to home.  Their son is in a deep coma with brain swelling after sustaining an ordinary hit in an ordinary football game.  Tears for the depth of their grief, for wanting a sign from God, for the emotional heaviness of sustaining hope, for the plethora of prayers that are pouring out not just for healing, but for a miracle.  

People still believe in miracles!  How joyful is that?  And how comforting to know we serve a God that is fully capable of performing that miracle...in His time.  Waiting is icky...

How my heart bursts for my son who sits at lunch with a kid that no one else will and puts himself out there to stand up against the kid bullying this kid.  That tears spill over when I ask about another kid that I hear is sitting by himself and my son knows, and he is torn because he already has someone he is looking out for and our school doesn't allow the grades to intermix at lunch.  I am doing my best to raise him right, so heads up girls wanting to marry this one...I will have a rigorous background check for you to complete that will date back to mid-hi lunch hour! 

Text received about ACT Prep, "I think that was really helpful. Like I feel I could take the ACT right now".  Okay...relief, but seriously, when did my sweet girl get old enough to take the ACT and pick colleges to send the results to?

To reinforce what I wrote last week:  one day at a time, one person at a time, one kind word/gesture/smile/prayer/triumph at a time.

Galatians 6:9-10 And let us not grow weary of doing good.  For in due season we will reap if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially those that belong to the family of believers.  

God is putting ALL things in place for His glory.  Job tells us it will be far greater than anything we can even begin to understand.  We can't give up.  It is easy to grow weary in this world, because this world is not what God intended it to be when He proclaimed "and it was good".  He allowed human nature the freedom to choose its course and that results in icky things that beat us down.  

I will completely own that I have allowed it to be a "weary" week.  But as I prayed over what to share with you today, I realized that I have been blessed to witness some of God's greatest good right before me, I just need to open my eyes and allow it to be all the good...one moment at a time.

  

An Empty Chair

John 11:35 Then Jesus wept.

Yesterday as I was getting ready to leave for work, I heard the clink of cereal hitting the sides of the bowl as my daughter prepared her morning meal.  I cautiously stepped into the kitchen and hesitated as I informed her we were out of milk.  I got the look I was expecting, but was quite impressed that no morsel of (store brand) Captain Crunch was wasted as it was hotly poured back into the box.  "We have nothing to eat".  Mind you, we were out of bread and milk...and this in my home constitutes "nothing to eat".

I did some calm and patient diversion to "why don't you cook some eggs" - which is a HUGE step for me before 9:00 and sans coffee.  And as I walked out to my car I was doing my very morning best to not let her huffiness get the best of me.

At 8:50 I get a text from my daughter, expecting it to say "I cooked some gooooood eggs this morning" and instead I get "A girl at our school passed away this morning.  They think she may have committed suicide. :("  My girl is this amazing mix of her dad and me, I see so much of him in her personality.  But from me, she did get the 'strong front' and deep in my mommy bones, I could tell there would be no front...this was affecting her.

And I found myself going back to my morning and so thankful to share a moment 'discussing' breakfast with my daughter.  Because somewhere in our small town, sat a mother who did not get the same opportunity on a foggy Thursday in September.

John 11:35 Then Jesus wept.

This verse finds Jesus entering the crowd after Lazurus' death.  There is much grief in the air and finger pointing at Jesus.  I think Jesus weeps for a couple of  reasons.  I think there is so much sadness in the air that He Himself is overcome.  But I think, equally, He is is weeping because the people just.don't.get.it...If they really believed that He is who He says He is, then why do they not expect Him to perform a miracle?  They (we) say they (we) believe, but when it comes down to tragedy and earthly situations, where do they (we) really stand?  Jesus weeps because He is angry at their lackadaisical approach to their salvation.  I can totally relate to crying when I am mad, and then I get mad that I am mad enough to cry and cry worse...

As the community gathered last night to pray for the family, my heart was warmed by the variety of students and churches in attendance.  We are not meant to understand God's ways, and that is really really hard for us...but we can rest peacefully that He will work ALL things for His good.  And I pray that He starts with the youth in our community.  I pray that he breaks down denominational walls and brings us all together to be a living example of His love.

I pray that this tragedy is a catalyst for real conversations, for brokenness to be acknowledged and for it to start with us, right here, right now.  That survivors guilt will float to the surface and be rescued by friends and family making a deliberate choice to be the hands and feet of Christ.  That those seeking answers will seek the open doors of the church and the open arms of God.

Our Pastor had last night's service planned out before she could have known of yesterday's events, but I felt like the whole service, from the music, to the reading from James, to the message, it all could have applied to what our town was experiencing.  The entire 45 minutes focused on using our words to build people up, speaking in kindness, and the power of the tongue.

As I scrolled through Facebook this morning, I saw a High School classmate that became a teacher and she talked of setting out each day to pay a compliment to the special needs kids in her school.  And today she walked in the door and one of them came up and gave her a running hug.  The parent approached her and said "she never does that to people, but she said she knew you".  One life at a time people...one moment at a time, one day at time, one kind word at a time.

Speak love, speak kindness, speak encouragement, speak support...be THAT PERSON that makes all the difference to someone.

Here is one of the songs from last night that really affected me, it has always been one of my favorites, but now it means a little more...I ask for prayers for our students and for the empty chair that was left at our high school this week.

Are You the Drinker or the Pourer?

One of my first times to 'fill-the-pulpit', the title of my inspiration was "How Do You See Your Cup?".  And with school, sports, church, and bible study back in full swing, I find myself feeling half-empty most evenings. So I am totally going to cheat this week and share with you something I wrote almost a year ago and shared with my congregation.  I hope you enjoy it!

In researching if the cup is half empty or half full, I found several opinions:

It doesn't matter, there is clearly room for more wine!

Half Air, Half Water - Technically the glass is always full.

Half Empty or Half Full?  Who Cares?  Fill it up and enjoy!

I never look at the glass half empty or half full.  I see it as a Work In Progress that will inevitably go either way.  It is not about how full or empty the glass is, but rather, what will you fill it with?  Are you filling it with things of this world that leave you feeling empty?  The things of this world are neither permanent or fulfilling, it is constant cycle evaporating out of your cup.  We keep adding to it, but there is no permanency, each day, the volume depletes a little more, and we go back and try to fill it back up.  

On the other hand, if we are filling it with something more eternal, say prayer, scripture, devotion, fellowship with others, our most precious Father...there will always be something in the cup.  And the more you allow Him to be poured into you, the fuller your cup will be, over-flowing.  

Is the cup half full or half empty?  It depends on whether you are pouring or drinking...So I need you to be visual with me here, like High-School Chemistry visual.  What would see in your spiritual cup? What have we been drinking in?  And just as important - What are we pouring in the cup of others?  It is fair to say that we can not give what we do not have...I can not pour lemonade into your cup if all I have is hot chocolate.  

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the Fruits of the Spirit and so let's put them into cups.  We have a Cup of Love, a Cup of Joy, one of Patience, one of Kindness (Yes!), one of Goodness, one of Faithfulness, a Cup of Gentleness, and a Cup of Self-Control (e-gads!).  Most of us are a "Work in Progress" and have all different levels of any one of these tasty fruits.  Sooooo...What is in your cup?  I can tell you that in my cup, there is very little Patience.  I am going to have a hard time pouring that into your cup, because, well, I simply tend to struggle here - I try, but, school supplies, empty gas tanks, bills, lines at Wal-Mart, the price of groceries - Who's with me?  On the other hand, I feel like my cup of Kindness could be poured for days, I am so incredibly fond of Kindness.  

We have to be aware of who we are around, who can fill our cup?  Are we hanging out with negative people that fill it with complaints, all the while depleting our cup of Joy?  What about people who lack Faith?  When you are with them, does your cup sit empty for days, does your Faith start to evaporate?  Or do you use that time to pour your Faith into them?  All about chemistry...

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full...Be grateful you have a glass and there is something in it.  I am thankFULL that I can admit I have a shallow cup of Patience because I always have something to talk to God about.  

This opinion also makes me think of the musicians that play on the street.  And I wonder if at the end of the day, it isn't what is in the cup, but the the fact that anything at all is in there is what means something.  They made an impact on someone that day and both parties have a full cup.  1 Corinthians 14:7-9 If musical instruments...aren't played so that each note is distinct and in tune, how will anyone be able to catch the melody and enjoy the music?  If the trumpet call can't be distinguished, will anyone show up for the battle?

Bob Goff  - God isn't worried whether the cup is half full or half empty.  He wonders which thirsty person we will give it to?  It isn't just who we are around that influences the volume in our cup...it is also what we do for those that have no cup.  Matthew 25:40 And the King will answer them, "Truly I say to you, as you did it ton one of the lease of these my brothers, you did it to me."

People, we do not fill our cup to brag about it, to say "my cup is fuller than your cup".  It is going to evaporate or else your pride is going to knock it over and spill it.  Have you ever spilled your dinner drink? Raise your hand!  Just last week?!  What do we do?  We run and grab a towel to soak it all back up.  And someone (usually the momma) is irritated that you wasted a perfectly good beverage.  So now try and picture wringing all that liquid back into your cup.  What used to be full to the brim (because we can never quite knock over an empty cup), might get you a swallow.  There is no fulfillment for the drinker or the pourer...what a waste.

How many of us are doing that with God's blessings?  We are so proud of the talent He has given us, but sometimes, we don't want to share.  Or maybe we become so proud, we don't want to help someone else for fear that they might actually do it better than us?  And one day, the Joy you received from your talent has evaporated, it no longer exists.  1 Corinthians 10:12 & 16 Don't be so naive and self-confident.  You are not exempt.  You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else.  Forget about self-confidence; it's useless.  Cultivate God confidence.  When we drink the cup of blessing, aren't we taking into ourselves the blood, the very life, of Christ?...

We MUST not give up on each other - not our friends, our family, our church family, our community - we must continually seek opportunities to fill each other's cups with the Fruits of the Spirit.  More importantly, we must NEVER give up on God.  No matter how empty it may seem our cup is, it is never too late to realize it and start pouring.  Sometimes I have to continually renew my cup of Patience while God works on my heart or the heart of others.  I have to take a little sip and give it over to Him in prayer.  

What is in your cup today?  What would you like to be in your cup?  My cup of honesty says most days it is easier to fill my cup with wine over patience.  (Can I get an AMEN?!)  Wow...what are we filling other's cups with?  What do we wish we were filling it with?  It is NEVER too late to make it right.

God loves each and everyone of us - with our empty cups, our full cups, our crazy concoctions that we struggle with day-in and day-out.

Luke 6:38 Give and it will be given to you.  they will pour into your lap a good-measure.  Pressed down, shaken together, and running over.  For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.

And you bet Psalm 23:5 - My cup overflows with your blessings!  AMEN!

**Have a blessed and safe Labor Day my friends!**

A Little Dirt in the Corners

I have mentioned before that God sends us a common theme when he is trying to get us to perk up and take notice.  For me, this week has been all about corners.  God is awesome, because I would have ignored that little word, but He kept sending it waiting on me to sweep it all up into a cohesive thought.

It started the other day when I was sitting with the sweet lady who cleans our church and I was thanking her for what she does, and not just that, but the heart that she does it in.  She is truly working for the Lord each time she runs the vacuum or dusts the pews.  And she said "well thank you, but I always feel like I miss some corners", to which I responded "honey, we all have dirty corners".  I bet any one of you right now could gather a troop of dust bunnies or round up some grit...and that is just in the living room.

Have you ever heard of someone having to stand or sit in the corner when they do something bad? They have to go put there nose in the corner and think about what they have done and how they can make amends or choose differently the next time around.  They are asked to leave their "dirt" in the corner and live a new option from that moment forward.

Mark 6:10-12  “Wherever you go,” he said, “stay in the same house until you leave town.  But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.”  So the disciples went out, telling everyone they met to repent of their sins and turn to God.

 

When you are put in a corner, you can't go straight, you have to make a turn.  And isn't that what repentance is?  To repent, is to turn a corner, to switch direction, to live a new life in Christ.  You hit that corner and you "shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned" a life lived without Christ.  From that perspective, dirty little geometric junctions don't seem so bad...

 

Not that I am trying to enable myself or others to slack on their domestic duties (just kidding, I am totally giving myself an out!), - but why don't we let those earthy little angles serve as a reminder of all that we have been through, and overcome, and sacrificed in order to receive God's lavish grace and abundant forgiveness? 

 

I went to the automatic car wash yesterday and I have a small car and short arms (you can laugh, it's pretty comical), so I had to open the driver side door to reach the payment slot and wash button option.  I was wearing an orange waterfall type vest and when I went to close the door, I failed to notice that the bottom corner of my vest was trapped, hanging out the door.  I noticed just as the monstrous pom-pom washers came cruising by.  So I had to sit patiently and wait out the rest of the "ultimate" wash experience.  When it was over, this little corner of my vest was tri-soaked, hot-waxed, rain-coated, and spot-free rinsed. 

 

And I am so lovingly reminded that God cleans the corners of our lives where we are stuck and just waiting for things to cycle through. 

 

2 Corinthians 5:17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

 

Don't apologize for dirty corners, it means your life is full of activity and choices, and opportunities to take it all in a different direction.  The challenge is trying to decide if you have the energy to clean up the dust, to wait with your nose against the wall and allow God to wash, rinse, and sometimes...repeat. 

Some Walked Away...

These were part of our focus verses last night at Connect Worship:

John 6:64-66  But there are some of you who do not believe.  For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray Him.  And He was saying, "For this reason I have said to you, that no one can come to me, unless it has been granted him by the Father".  As a result of this, many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. 

Holy Cow Y'all!  Did you know that there were way more than 'THE 12' Disciples early on and they decided they couldn't hang with Jesus and left?  The walked away from JESUS!  This brought me to a couple of thoughts 1.  I wonder if they ever looked back and questioned that decision!?! and 2. Okay, I can really let it go if someone doesn't want to be around me or click with who I am...because, um, yeah, people walked away from JESUS! 

It brings me so much comfort because at any given time, I could fill my spare time with the following support groups and I am sure my family could think of many more (titles are of my own whimsical enticement):

1.  For the Love of Internal Organs - Do I Need a Gall Bladder or Not?
2.  How to Live as an Outgoing Introvert with mild OCD, Anxiety, Passion, and Depression
3.  Back Away From the Brownies
4.  Nothing is Wrong, I Just Want to Be Quiet
5.  I LOVE Having Deep Encouraging Conversations About Faith
6.  I Forgive Them, But I Don't Want Them In My Life
7.  Addicted to Inspirational Quotes Anonymous (particularly on Pinterest)
8.  I Mainly Want to Win the Lottery to Do Good In the World (Mostly)
9.  Aspiring Authors and Motivational Speakers
10.  Yes, Yes, I Do Need to Pray More

I am exactly who God made me to be, and some people will be able to accept me the way I am and keep on keeping on with me.  I am an Introvert with a lot of self-confidence, tons of passion and compassion - but I don't want everyone to know.  When I commit to something, I am usually all-in and burn myself out quickly - I am working on this.  I have always been a rooter for the underdog.  When I feel comfortable enough to share something that I am going through with someone, I really NEED them to let me be self-absorbed in that moment - I gotta let it out, then I promise I will move on.  My personality is such, that if I lose trust in you, it takes scaling Mt. Everest to win it back - I can forgive you, but not confide in you. 

 

When we were losing our store a few years ago, I learned so much about people.  The people that walked away stunned me, the (few) people that remained astounded me, and who has come since has taught me the very most about authenticity and unconditional acceptance and friendship - like tearing up thinking about you right this very second.  And just as John wrote above, Jesus knew.  He knew who in His circle believed and could embrace the journey.  And in my life, He knows who I need to attend my support groups with and who will walk away and form their own.  And it is so okay...

 

I am so thankful that Jesus was human.  That everything we go through, He also experienced.  He was judged, abandoned, gossiped about, encouraged to tone-it-down-a-notch, drug back to be with a mass of people when all He wanted was some quiet time, and He walked with Judas when He knew...He knew what Judas would do.  And my lack of gall bladder is nothing compared to His physical pain on the Cross.

I attended a state leadership meeting over the summer that has local community groups all over the nation.  They encouraged us to embrace and spend energy on the people who are attending meetings and activities.  The facilitator asked "Why are you exhausting yourself on people who don't want to be with you?...Grow strong roots with who is there.".  And that can totally be applied to our lives - we have to learn (pray about how) to be okay with who is not here and climb tall trees with those that are.  It is definitely a beautiful adventure with many branches, tire swings, and gentle breezes.

Thank you for walking with me on this journey and humoring support group #7 today!

 

Not Yet the Last First Day of School

So I did not get the traditional back-to-school photo op this morning.  When I grabbed my phone and asked if they were ready for pictures, my sophomore daughter looked over her shoulder at me and rolled her eyes and made that teenage sound "eeeehhhh" and my eighth grade son, dressed in a cut up t-shirt and shorts for athletics, showed me his titties.  So no, no I did not get an angelic picture this morning to mark the occasion. 

I did make myself stop and take a moment to thank God that these two little humans are mine and that this morning is pretty much a perfect representation of who we are and I probably should have taken the picture anyway.  My son told me I could take one after school when he had "nice" clothes on and I am pretty sure my daughter will not be able to resist a selfie today, so I will screenshot it when she is not looking.

I have read a few articles lately about "lasts":  When was the last time I braided her hair?  When was the last time I washed their hair for them?  When was the last time I picked them up and carried them on my hip?  When was the last time I read them a story?  When was the last time I rocked them goodnight?  Some "lasts" seem to fly under the radar and catch us by surprise trying to recall the moment when they snuck right out of our lives.  Other "lasts" we can review in our calendar:  Last day of school; last baseball tournament; last day in braces; last day to pay a bill; last time we attended a meeting.

And just as something ends, something new is allowed to begin.  I have always been fond of this passage from Ecclesiastes.  I will unashamedly admit that it all started with the classic movie Footloose where God used it as the leading argument for a young man new to town who just. wanted. to. DaNcE!  It worked for him and it works for us:  

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-

A time to give birth and a time to die;

A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal;

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate;

A time for war and a time for peace

 

Not only is there a season for everything, God allows those times so that you can learn those lessons and it may be painful, or blissful, or memory-making, or forgetful, but they are meant to be a foundation for greater things, not a mound of dirt to dwell on.  My contribution to The Mom Quilt is about that - life lessons, building a legacy of momentous things (you can hit the 'Buy Now' button over there on the right!).  The things I touch on are hard, and few of you knew that about me, but they have shaped my decisions my entire life.  To weep, embrace, search, be silent, love....sew together. 

 

We may not always remember the last time we washed our babies hair, but thank goodness we taught them to do it on their own...because that...that would totally be awwwkkkward.  And teenage snuggles (especially when it is their choice) rank right up there to nodding off in the rocking chair.  And although we may not read to them like we remember, I am thankful for the village that taught them to read and find the adventure in it.  Each ending, is a further beginning for an added season of independence, of preference, and diversity. 

 

So this morning's time of eye-rolls and 13 year-old man-child nipples will pave the way for our current time - an amazing first day of school and stories to greet me as I walk in the door ...camera ready.