Say Yes to Rest!

If you've been following me this year, first of all - fist bump and a big THANK YOU - second, you might remember reading our sweet basset hound had surgery at the first of February.  We have noticed that he has aged quite a bit since the surgery, slowing down, sleeping more, needs some Just For Men Gel around the facial features.  But this week seems to be hitting him a little harder.

Wednesday he hardly moved, maybe all of three feet just to lay back down again.  Usually he follows me around the house and lies down by my feet, but not yesterday.  He can get down the back deck stairs to do his business, but for two days now, we have had to carry him back up to the door.  He is eating fine, no labored breathing, no out-of-the-ordinary stank...

So, last night I turned to the Internet, where all information is true and trustworthy.  All the honorable and upright webpages I surfed verified, for the most part, we have a dog not only entering his senior life, but a couple of years into them.

They also said a 50+ pound dog over the age of eight, might sleep 20 hours a day!  We totally nailed that average this week.

I talked to a friend on Tuesday and asked how things were going and she said "If I can just get through these next two weeks".

My Pastor came back into town yesterday after being with her Dad since Saturday.  She had been sitting at a hospital for four days, dealing with medical history, doctors & nurses, new medical history, and she drove home to handle some things here, sleep in her own bed for one night, and then back on the road to be with him again.  We all can relate to that experience and it can be summed up in one word...weary.  We get to where we are running on fumes.

My dad came by the house this morning to let me know he was headed far north to sit with my grandma who was admitted to the hospital.  My heart went out to him when he said "she has been telling everyone she is just ready to go".  The only consolation I had was "Dad, I am half her age, and I am tired...she is simply exhausted".

Life is so busy and accessible.  I have no idea what kind of panic my parents experienced because - GASP - we did not have cell phones, GPS, and certainly no internet to check five different social media sites to see if we had taken a selfie or checked in where we were supposed to be.

Not only do my kids have school activities, but almost anything extracurricular now a days has an honor group, travel group, or competitive squad that fills every weekend that you could ever want free.

And the result is that all we really want, need, or google information for is...to rest, to get the easy answer so that we can breathe a sigh of relief.  We have to verify it in order to give ourselves permission to let down. We have to make sure someone else is doing it, so that we are not alone in allowing ourselves to recharge.

I spoke at church last night and one of my favorite parts of what God put on my heart was that we have to start saying No to all the busy, so that we can be ready to say Yes to something better.  We can't live a life of purpose if we are always saying yes to other peoples' purposes.  And dear friends, we need to say Yes to rest!  We need to recharge our batteries, our joy, our purpose, our love.  We need to have energy in reserves for dogs that need carried up the stairs, sick parents, and grandparents who are looking at an entirely different set of stairs.

God rested.  And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.  So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.  Genesis 2:2-3(ESV). 

He set the example.  Not only did He set the example, He did it on like the second page of the Bible - early on He made it important.  And we know that Heavenly time is different from Earthly time - think about it, God could have rested for hundreds of seriously dreamy years, not just one 24 hour day (which would also be dreamy), but several upon several.  Just chillin' by the ocean watching His creation and resting.  Totally speaking my language...

And as I type this, my husband just texted that his weekend plans were pre-rained out...two days, no plans, with my family...Rest On!

Image from Pinterest and Elizabethgeorge.com

P.S. If you are over the age of 8, and over 50 pounds, I am an honorable and trustworthy authority on the Internet that is giving you permission to rest.  That is a fact.  Please print this off in black and white, carry it with you to your hammock, or make a paper umbrella out of it for your drink.  Happy Resting!

One Round at a Time

I am well into my 40 years and as I contemplate all the things I could share with you, it's that by now I should be insanely familiar with "sometimes it just doesn't work out".  I had to make a horrible decision last week to acknowledge that something I thought was custom-made for me, was exactly the opposite...and I walked away.

With two busy teenagers, it is a rare occasion that we make it to the latest new releases at the local movie theater.  We are more of a rent it on Amazon Prime, microwave some popcorn, pour a Diet Dr. Pepper, slide into some pajamas, and reserve a couch cushion kind of family.  So this past Saturday, we rented Creed, and if you are a fan and follow the history of the Rocky movies, this one was a big legacy deal.  

Sitting on my sofa surrounded by the heart-ache of the week, and my boys, it struck me.  Once the fight begins, Rocky keeps repeating:  One step at a time, one round at a time.  In case you are a renter like me, I don't want to spoil the movie, but Apollo's son has a tough act to follow.  And every phase is requiring effort, training, dependence on people around him that have more knowledge, desire, commitment, and heart-ache for all the relationships that could have been.  Reminds me a bit of our learning to walk as authentic Christians.

Sunday morning brings thunder & coffee, blueberry muffins & bacon, and the request to braid hair before church.  And as I am still dwelling on my heart-ache...I dwell well...I hear my son's video game say:  Take what you learned from this round and take it into the next battle.  Again, reminding me of our walk as authentic Christians.

And God clearly knows that the third time is a charm (or a battle wound from being beaten over the head) with me...Toby Mac's "Move (Keep Walking)" was the first song on the radio as I climbed into the car this morning to head over to the Unemployment Office to untangle my mess.

A few things I learned from/am reminded of in my most recent bout of "didn't work out"...

1. Christians are people.  We are human people.  We are capable of getting it wrong, passing judgement, jumping into something that puts on a good front all for the sake of getting into the ring and "fighting the good fight" of faith.

2.  We should never put anything on a pedestal.  When that pedestal crumbles, we are left feeling bruised, damaged, and wondering if God is in our corner.

3.  Nothing is worth our soul.  Whatever was lurking...my soul wanted no part of it.  

So taking my little trifecta of messages the past few days, I will face the next round, one step at time, learn from it for the next battle, and keep walking.

1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight for the true faith.  Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses.  

I love how Timothy says "true faith".  Because there are a lot of things out there that would give you the impression of faith, but once you get a little up-close and personal, it is not God's true faith that is governing.

I have something that God has put on my heart (beating me over the head with).  If you are a prayer warrior or would like to be one for me, I am asking you to pray over this project.  If you would like specifics, please message me and I will fill you in on what God has revealed so far - because, my broken heart is putting together some pieces and isn't real sure of what this all looks like just yet.  But I welcome you to be a person of true faith and prayer if you are being called to do so.  I look forward to sharing my progress!  

Until then, "I know your heart's been broke again, your prayers ain't been answered yet...keep walkin'...soldier keep movin' on".  

New Things Are Changing

Change...

Not loose change or a little change in my pocket...

Change...

It is not a word that makes too many Top Five lists.  It isn't a word that causes uncontrollable squeals accompanied by jumping up and down.  It does not put a smile on too many faces.  Change often is the word we associate with the "UN-Comfort Zone".

And yet, there is change that is good.  If you have a good stylist, changing your hair is usually good.  If you are trying to be healthy and you have to change to a lower pant size...good.  And depending on your situation:  changing jobs, changing your address (especially if it is a beach house), changing your underwear, changing your attitude, changing your friends...

Anything new or being done for the first time is change, and it isn't necessarily the panic evoking kind.  For example (because I wouldn't want to leave you guessing):

Marriage.

Childbirth.

In my case, childbirth #2...Twenty-one (21!) months later.

First home purchase.

First big vacation as a family - the take an airplane kind. 

Okay...well, maybe mild to moderate panic.

But those new things are exciting.  They are blessings.  They are things you anticipated for months, or maybe years, and then they are coming to fruition, and it is new, and it is change, and it is life.

I am reflecting on all this because - I started a NEW job last week! And I have termed the last five weeks "The Month of Kari" - and it is coming to an end and something is changing, and it is new, and exciting, and a blessing, and another unexpected penny on the ground that you pick up and toss into your...change.

I look back on "The Month of Kari" and it feels so good to let the weariness slide off.  I did one big thing I wanted and had always wanted to do...that crazy dream to prepare and work the church Thrift Sale.  And it was a two-week, and 12 hour day that I would not otherwise have gotten to do.  It was something new for me and I did my best to make the most of every minute!  I have not been deliriously tired in a long time...way to go church family!

So I am experiencing this new job, and new co-workers, a new coffee routine, a new way to use Excel (oh Mylanta), a new commute, and a new window to look out of.  I can tell you all that God is so amazingly good.  He aligns, affirms, and waits for us to wear ourselves down like a two year old.

My devotions are reminding me that nothing that happens to us or around us is random or chaotic if we rely on God's timing.  It is not our job to figure out how He is going to do it, we just have to trust that He will. It made me think of a sermon my James Tedder on Sermons4kids.com (ironic...I know):

Have you ever stopped to pick up a penny lying on the ground? Well, let me tell you a little story about picking up pennies. 

Once a friend of mine and his wife were invited to spend the weekend at my friend’s employer's home. They were very nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than their house. The first day and evening went well, and Arlene, my friend’s wife, was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so she was enjoying herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of my friend. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment. 

Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up? 

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?'Look at it.' He said. 'Read what it says.' She read the words ‘United States of America’ 'No, not that; read further.’ ‘One cent?’ ‘No, keep reading.’ ‘In God we Trust?’ ‘Yes!’ ‘And?’ ‘And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!” 

It is easy for us to get so caught up in the ways of the world so mush we forget that God is always there right beside us We just need to trust in Him and allow Him to take care of our each & every need. The Psalmist tells us to, “Be Still and Know that I am God.” Sometimes we just need to stop our busy lives & feel God’s presence. Of course sometimes we need a little reminder, even if it is as insignificant as a penny lying on the ground...

May we take a new approach to "change" this week, because all the changes that make our lives a tidbit weary deserve an "In God We Trust".

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

Hosanna! Hosanna!

Do you ever want to take God's invitation to come as a child literal?  Like kicking and screaming and sticking your tongue out?  I was throwing a pretty good terrible-two's tantrum in my heart last Sunday...you want me to come as a child...here you go!  I sat down to do my devotions, and refused to journal.  I looked at my daily prayer guide and refused to write.  I told God (haha...funny right?) that He better have a good message at Palm Sunday service because I was on my last blast...two-year olds eventually wear themselves down and pass smooth out right?

I walk into church and there is a flurry of little kids, much older and maturer than my two-year old self, and they are waving some serious palm branches.  And the processional starts and they are singing and swaying and waving those palms and simultaneously...God entered the room.  The only way I can explain it, is I heard a feeling.  And God whispered..."I died for you".  I teared up and then as I made an effort to release my inner toddler, I choked on my tears and started coughing and totally deflected that I was weepy.  I think.

Palm Sunday...God stops to weep.  He is entering the week that He was sent for.  The crowd is screaming Hosanna!  Hosanna! - which I learned Sunday means "Save Now".  And so was my mantra for the rest of the day...Hosanna!  Hosanna!

God's divine timing had me reading the fourth book in a series called Saving Gideon:  The Angel Chronicles by Mary May.  These fictional books are and about Spiritual Warfare and I had been waiting for another book to be released, so it was no coincidence that I happened upon it last week.  Book four focused on circumstances that do not go our way, and without realizing it, we invite in a "bitter heart demon".  I could have placed myself in the story.  And the ache in my heart told me that I had sent out unknowingly a little one-demon e-vite and I needed to retract that summons ASAP.  

 Image by Sassy Graphics

I have to apologize to God daily for my humanity - that I continue to tell Him (haha!) to send a burning bush sign.  And God said last Sunday...fire and two-year olds DO NOT mix.  And He placed 1 Corinthians 10:31 on my heart...Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  Keeping to myself hoping my situation turns around sooner than later, is not producing a novel of glory...

So I banished the bitter-heart demon and took the spankin' spoon to my selfish heart.  I made a decision that this week would be one of activity that gave God the glory.

I have always wanted to help with the preparation of my church's Annual Thrift Sale, but have always been stuck at work.  I suspected I was missing out on fellowship and feel-good goose bumps - and not to toot my own horn - but I was totally right.  My fellow Sisters-in-Christ volunteering to sort, clean, and lable treasures this week think I am crazy (I am), but I have had the best week being up there with them.  Just the opportunity to laugh and visit with them; to look at the "things" people donate to the event (people we need a "stuff" intervention!), and then to have my heart leap at the thought of the people that not necessarily want what we have...but NEED it.  The mission and outreach of the event puts a little lump in my throat.

And I hear the feeling "I died for this".  For us to be able to walk in our brokenness, while finding a way to extend mercy, grace, kindness, necessity, and fellowship.

This was the fourth week of being laid off...and I survived.  Not only did I survive, God sent friends to check on me with text messages, cards, hugs, outreach of "what can I do to help".  People, my favorite part of Psalm 23 is "my cup overflows" - and so it did this week.  

Holy Week is my favorite week in the church.  Jesus entered the city, was fueled with a passionate urgency, fellow-shipped, preached, wept, prayed, begged God that the cup be removed, shared bread with a betrayer, accepted His fate.  What a full week He had that encompassed every human emotion, every human fear, every human effort, and I can't help but think His heart overflowed as He dined with His disciples.  All of that...and He still had the energy to suffer for me.  If you haven't read it...it's a great book.

I came across a pin a while back by John Piper that said "When you feel like you can't take it any more, look to Jesus, and take it a little more". And from the Blessed Is She blog, "Good Friday is good because it reminds us that the good is often painful; that God's will for our lives demands that we love until it hurts". 

I have had a busy week banishing bitter-heart demons, apparently...repelling burning bushes, sorting collectibles, accepting the generosity of others, watching my son play baseball, and crying over the love of Jesus.  He died for this - for the plain and ordinary to become extraordinary.  Hosanna!  Hosanna!

Video Warning - I weep uncontrollably at the Passion of our Christ...if you so choose, grab the tissues!

Vul-ner-a-ble

When I shared my testimony and shortly after, my layoff, I was choosing to be vulnerable.  What I have learned since, is that sometimes, vulnerable chooses you.

The job that I was laid off from, held all the benefits:  Health, dental, life, retirement.  My husband's job does not even offer them at this time.  I feel like we are sitting ducks.  We were covered for almost five years, and played baseball all of those five years...but my son waited until this weekend to foul a ball off his face.

It was an at-bat in slow motion, one of those moments where time stands still and one-million thoughts race through your head.  As he dropped to his knees and I heard the moan escape him, that moan that only a momma hears and knows is not of this earth, the thought I settled on was "I don't care if I embarrass him".  I was amazed at how quickly his teammates cleared a path for me!  And I was thankful that only a handful of people heard me say the same bad word three times under my breath as a flew off the bleachers...I love Jesus, but I cuss a little.

One of my friends shared a blog today The Goodness of God and it shares how we want tangible goodness, and sometimes, most of the time, we as humans, can not fathom God's goodness.  Human goodness, is not even close to God goodness.

Well, thanks be to God, we experienced a little tangible goodness in the foul-tipped-curve-ball-to-face incident.  By my side, out of nowhere, was a dentist...and I laughed as he said, well I am not a doctor, I am a dentist, and I hugged him and told him I would take what I could get right now.  He was probably more able than a doctor as he checked my son's eye socket, nose, and jawline for pain and fractures.  I like to envision an angel sticking their hand out over his eye and deflecting the baseball at just the right angle.  Because that is exactly what happened.  The ball hit in just a way that aside from a little swelling and some wicked stitch marks across the side of his nose...no lasting trauma, not even a black eye or visible bruising on his nose.

Vul-ner-a-ble. - Susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.  There wasn't a single version of this definition that said the attack was "intentional".  When we sling our weary legs over the bed each morning, we become vulnerable.  When we step up to the plate and life slings every pitch in the playbook at us, we are vulnerable.

I also attended a friend's church this past week to listen to a missionary from Romania speak.  I had attended two years ago with her both locally, and a few weeks later, down the road a ways, so I knew that God would be present and moving in His church.  As the message wound to an end, they invited us to pray with someone from the group.  I reintroduced myself to a lady that we had prayed with a couple of years before and she asked if she could pray with me.  Vulnerable.  Ya'll I had been playing the strong soldier after two weeks with myself and foul-tipped-curve-ball-to-face the day before.  I was spent and this was dangerous territory.

The first thing she said is "you are weary"...cue tears - followed by "God wants you to rest", "there are so many words in your head", "you have grown tired", "return to prayer".  As I let her pray over me and silent tears poured over my cheeks, I felt two hands placed softly on each shoulder, assuming that it was my friend.  As the prayer ended and we hugged and thanked God, I turn to see my daughter sitting by my friend with a tear-streaked face.  I asked her if she prayed with someone and she said softly "I was praying with you".  Vul-ner-a-ble.

My first instinct was to be dismayed that she had heard what I was feeling and witnessed the weariness pour out of me.  But that thought gave way to the knowledge, that sometimes, others have to hear that moan of letting go, meant only for their ears; they have to see the tears that are hiding the goodness that only God can see working.  Next to my wedding day and the birth of each of my kids, I will treasure those soft little hands on my shoulders, praying with me, yearning to see the goodness of God tangible in our lives.

When my son is especially thankful for something, he gives you "the paw".  In thankful gratitude, he lays his hand on your shoulder.  I am so blessed to have God's goodness pour out through the hands of my children.

What strikes me this morning about Vulnerable, is the ending..."able".  The vulnerability is there each waking moment, but with God's help and unseen goodness, we are "able".

Philippians 4:13 I can (Me: Am Able To) do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  

P.S.  I let me daughter go snowboarding with a friend for Spring Break..for the first time...uninsured.  Lord have mercy!

Does Not Wait Well...

When I sit down to write, I really want encouragement,  upliftedness, and God's promise to shine through.  And in all honesty, some days, that is a little more difficult to pen to words.  I can sit here today and laugh, that last week, I was having a heart struggle on what to share, and then Friday, February 26th came at me and this week has been more mix and match than the last.

I shared my testimony a couple of weeks ago, and I know now, that I needed to do that, if for nothing else, as a reminder of His goodness in my life.  Because as of the 26th, I am walking a new chapter in that testimony.

I can now claim "oil-field casualty" on my resume.  As I left work last Friday at 10:00 am with my final check in my hand, I plopped down into my driver seat and asked "Lord, what in the world are you up to?".  Which also translates into:  What in the actual world just happened?  What does this mean?  Why?  Where are you taking me?  What could possibly be better than what I am being forced away from?  And the bronze plate on my heart that reads "Lacks Patience.  Despises Uncertainty.  Does Not Wait Well".

And here is my upliftedness (yes I made that word up, and no, spellcheck does not like it):  It is going to be okay, deep down in the ocean of my heart, in the river of tears, and the drying of my cheeks...This is going to be so much better than what I could have planned for myself.  And I want you to know that I BELIEVE that with EVERY fiber of my being.  My HOPE and FUTURE is planned by the big man upstairs and we have had many conversations the past seven days.  

Saturday, the 27th's mantra was:

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10  

Anytime I allowed myself to think past the moment, "be still", was whispered on my heart.  

And moving forward I am  heart engraving Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you, I will up hold you with my righteous right hand.  

Things have been and could be worse.  And I am not going to lie to you or God, I yearn for the day when they are so much better.  However:

1. I survived layoffs about 12 months longer than a multitude of oil-field workers.  

2. My last check will get us by for a few weeks without the urgency and gut instinct to "panic".  

3. I have amazing people in my life, from my immediate family, to bible study friends, to baseball moms, to fabulous former neighbors, my mom, my pastor, my dog.  The timely messages and conversations bring happy salt water to my face.

4. Not sure if this is a joy or irritation - but I have put a bra and makeup on every flippin' day this week.  I have had something to do, to keep my mind busy all week, to get me out of the house every day.  The thrifty me wants to save on make-up and gas and set the captives free, but the "oh, I could totally wallow in this" is so relieved for something to do.

5. I have spoiled my family this week.  I have cooked outside of the same-old, standard, quick go-to's.  I have picked up for lunch, ran errands, and probably been more readily available for them overall.  I guess I will leave it up to God if He wants them to get used to this or not...

5.  There are several unspoken blessings that came from this, if you add me to your prayers, please remember to thank God for these lights in our tunnel.

Our WBS study is on the Fruits of the Spirit this Spring, and God, I know was holding back several giggles Wednesday as He watched us women battle through the lesson on................Patience.  You are hilarious Lord Jesus...

But, oh, I needed to laugh.  I needed to admit that I do not wait well.  I needed to hear, that not many of us do.  I want to, I desire to wait well...God will give you the desires of you heart.  I hope He realizes that I am okay with an apprenticeship, and have no need to be a master!

I love you all.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for being so kind and compassionate when I posted my testimony.  Thank you to all of you who I let in this past week who have offered me your shadow, smiles, and moments out of your day.  

This too shall pass...

Redemption: The Pain and The Progress

When I am asked to share my testimony...this is what I share.  I feel this past month or so, that I am being called to return to that vulnerability that created my current relationship with God.  I need to be reminded of how far He has brought me:

My daily devotions one day read:  His Word declares that ALL things work together for good.  Not just the good things, but also the bad things, not just the successes, but also the failures, and even the things that you look at in your life and would call somewhat neutral – ALL things.  He promises to redeem ALL things.  As soon as we look to God more because of something, anything, then it is all worth it right there – That is where God’s redemption begins. 

Romans 8:28  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

When I was young my grandparents took me to church every Sunday.  When I was five, my family moved to Blackwell where I “grew up”.  I was involved in youth group.  So I believed God existed, I never doubted that He was real, but what I want to share with you today is a story of finding my relationship with God and what it means to me to maintain that relationship. 

My family owned a small sporting goods store.  Looking back is awesome isn’t it – you can see everything so clearly?  20/20?  There were several red flags we chose to ignore.  To condense the absolute worst three years of my life down for you – After about 5 months the guy we bought it from sued us.  We counter-sued.  For someone who has never even had a traffic ticket, this alone, rocked my world.   Four months after that was the May 2010 hail storm that hit around 7:00 in the morning – you know the one that dropped the giant hail stones in Edmond and rained hail on Tonkawa.  Two months after that, our store was broken into and vandalized.  Our insurance agent, failed to put a theft rider on our policy and we had failed to catch it.  Six months later, record snow fall, two feet in two weeks.  I took a baseball to the windshield, our home heat/air unit decided it had worked long enough and stopped working the summer that set record heat around 110 most days, 90 most nights.  One month after that, and 7 months to the day, our store was broke into and vandalized again.  It was more than we could bounce back from.  We lost our income, our home, our pride.  We were completely devastated.  We were on food stamps – I continually ask God to Bless that man that had to deal with me that morning because I think I ugly cried uncontrollably for about 10 minutes before I ever got any words out.  From there I had to go enroll my kids and burst into tears as I asked the Principal if I could have an application for employment and an application for free lunches.  My teacher-friend grabbed me and whisked me off to her room where I cried and poured my heart out about all we were going through.  Her husband was a preacher and he called another preacher to see if they could help us get the air conditioner working.  The person that preacher called to see if we could get some help started the conversation out like this “You live in a nicer house than me, so not many people are going to want to help you and the only reason I am helping you is because a preacher asked me to”.  Yeah…  We were using the food bank, we were filing for bankruptcy.  I found myself in a place that I never thought I would be.  That I never thought I would be.  But God had bigger plans. 

I was reading a book by Beth Moore, “When Godly People, Do Ungodly Things”.  She says “I am convinced the ability to remember as if it happened yesterday is a gift, even though some days it feels like a curse.  It’s worth any bad memories if I never forget God’s goodness to me.” 

God gave me a choice.  I could wallow in self-pity, protest how unfair life was, wish that things had gone different, be defeated by people who chose to say ugly things not just about us, but to us, let envy eat at me for those that seemed to have it all going well –and I did that for a while. BUT – I eventually relinquished my control and chose to give it over to God.  My trying to maintain control was most definitely not working!  I lay on the floor crying and wanting to melt into it and screamed “Where are you – I can’t do this anymore”.  And God scooped me up and sat me in a chair – like I literally have no idea how I got in that chair.  The next thing I knew I was opening the YouVersion App on my phone and the Verse of the Day was

Ephesians 2:8-9  For by Grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God.  Not a result of works, so that no one by boast. 

I had fallen away from God, I had neglected to accept His gift.  And I have to tell you as mortifying as it was for my family to have to go through those few years.  Today, this day, I am more embarrassed to tell you that I had completely stopped communicating with God in any way, shape, or form.  I had been active in the church, the community, the schools, I was the ‘Yes Girl’.  I was a ‘people-pleaser’ but not necessarily a God pleaser.  And then God said HELLO!!  I saved you by my Grace.  Stop doing and start believing!  By Grace you have been saved by faith, it doesn’t come from you, you can’t earn this. 

Joel 2:25  God can restore what is broken and change it into something amazing.  All you need is faith.  

That’s it.  Faith.  God doesn’t say, run this by your family and get back to me.  He doesn’t say research some examples of how this worked out for other people.  We don’t need an explanation from him, we don’t need a Plan B, we don’t need to run it by our best friend for approval.  And we sure don’t need to question God’s authority over the situation.  Faith.  Faith to know he totally has this covered.  God saying “hey, I got your back”.  Faith that He is all-knowing – He knows how it ends.  Rev 21:4 – He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning, or crying, or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Now, with all that being said.  IT’S HARD!!  I am by no means standing here, telling you that having full faith is easy.  It is our human nature to want to control the situation, to have some idea of what we are getting ourselves into.  We tend to want to tell God what is best for us, instead of trusting that the other way around – His way - has an outcome that is beyond anything we could have imagined.  When Job was tested and came out saying in 42:3  You asked “Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?  It is I – and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me.  Do we not wonder about God’s motives as Job did? 

When someone asks me what it means to be a Christian, I like to say “I am a work in progress”.  I still have to work at it every day.  I still have to stop and remind myself that I need to give all things over to God in fullness of faith.  Any amount of worry that I contribute to a situation, does NOT ONE THING to change the outcome.  I don’t think that God expects perfection out of us, I think He is just as pleased with our effort.  He is pleased with every opportunity that we need Him, that we seek Him, that we thank Him – that is where redemption begins. 

Have you ever wondered what you would say to someone who you felt really, really wronged you?  For my birthday a couple of months after we had filed for bankruptcy, my brother offered to buy me a tattoo.  A permanent reminder of ‘making it through’.  It was the end of January before we finally got around to going.  We went to the tattoo parlor on a Saturday and they were packed.  There was no way we were getting in that night.  So we came back the following Thursday and there was a guy in front of us getting a tattoo that was going to take hours, so we decided to make an appointment.  We went back the following Monday– Third time is a charm – and I am in the middle of getting my tattoo and in walks one of the kids that broke into our store.  Seriously?  I have tried two other times to get this tattoo.  And a voice whispered to me ‘there is nothing you can say, nothing will make him understand what he did to your family, nothing – now is not the time’.  And then this little, what I like to call ‘Dome of Peace’ came over me.  It started at the top of my head and I could fill it work its way down over the rest of my body.  Wow, talk about a God moment – I have never felt so calm in my entire life.  As awesome as the Dome of Peace was, let me tell you, my brother has a bit of a temper and I am sitting there protected in my Dome of Peace smiling and he is like what is up with you.  And I said…if I tell you, you can’t get mad, but that is one of the boys that broke into our store and it is okay.  And the Lord kept me brother’s mouth and fists closed…that my friends, is a miracle. 

And I share, because I have had a couple of intense God moments, times when I really needed Him there with me, and without a doubt, He completely revealed himself.  I have read devotions every day since that day He lifted me up off the floor.  And what I have found is I need Him there in the good times too, because at any moment something could rock my world and I need to be ready to lean on Him and not on myself.  Not only do I need Him there in the good times, I want Him there.  I want Jesus right beside me sharing every moment of my life that allows me to thank Him for that moment of blessings.  I need Him beside me to fill me with courage and compassion.  Sharing with you is really great.  But I need God to get me through it - through the anxiety, through the fear of judgement.  I need Him in this awesome moment to work through me so that I can be a better witness for His kingdom. 

And that is the reason that God allowed everything to be taken from me – it is hard to witness when you don’t have anything to witness about.  I had to start from a clean slate.  I had to learn to appreciate food on the table, I had to learn to appreciate a roof over my head, I had to learn who to keep at arm’s length, I had to learn to appreciate that the only prayer I prayed for months was for God to keep my little family of four together – and you know what?  He did.  I had to learn that it is all from God, nothing is of me.  Not one single thing I have or do – God has had it mapped out from the beginning of time.  There is amazing freedom in “holy cow, I don’t have to, nor can I control this!”  And you know what else I learned?  It isn’t always about me!  Sometimes we just were in the right place at the right time which can feel like the wrong place at the wrong time.  Only God knows, but maybe someone else in this big giant picture of life is trying to work through their fullness of faith too.  Maybe they are lost and working their way back and I am part of that puzzle, but it may not be about me.  I know it sounds insane to say I am glad that all that crazy stuff happened to us because God in true form has used it for His good. 

·     2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Man, I am weak when He is strong.  I have learned to quietly endure times that try my patience.  I have learned that it is okay to say No.  I am no longer a people pleaser – and guess what?  The world did not end because I chose to say No to something.  I am learning to do things that God puts on my heart, things that fill my spirit.  That is the only way that I can share His love with others.  His light does not shine when I do things out of obligation, when I have a bad attitude because I said Yes in order to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings.  I have learned to go to God when I am feeling out of sorts.  When the prayers just aren’t being expressed from my heart the way I want, when the scripture just isn’t making sense.  I have learned to breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for the days that nothing happens.  I need God in the times I am in stuck in neutral.  I want Him to know that I am thankful I am not stuck in overdrive or reverse.  Thank God I am not stuck in reverse. 

We can’t go back, only forward.  Aren’t we glad that punishment for looking back isn’t like it was in the Old Testament, when the angels led Lot and his family out of Sodom and his wife looked back?  I would have been a pillar of salt a long time ago.  But, each day God gives us another chance to season our faith.  He is not asking for perfection, He is asking for effort, for forward momentum. 

Moses wandered the dessert for 40 years – No air conditioning or heat, no cars to get there quicker, no washer and dryer, no running water, no Walmart, no TV to watch while they waited, no GPS – Our waiting doesn’t sound so bad does it?  We are practicing having faith that God knows the way.  That He is the great architect, the ultimate destination planner, the ultimate travel agent, wedding planner, and life coach.  It may not always look like WE planned it to be, like we built it up in our minds.  But isn’t that the point?  It isn’t our plan, it is God’s.  We have to have faith that the life we are living is just as it should be.  God has us right where He wants us, with the people we need and the people who need us, and the circumstances are just such that they steer us toward what God has in mind for us – that may be hard times, that may be good times, it may mean neutral times.

·     Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

He holds the plans that will eventually, in His time, bring us to fullness of faith.  He longs for us to look to Him for our every need, the good, the bad, the ugly, the neutral.  You are saved by Grace, God’s gift, will you accept this gift?  Will you choose to praise God in every moment?  Will you choose to make the effort going forward?  Be still.  Listen.  Know that right now in this moment, you are exactly where you need to be – you are being redeemed. 

Amen.