Last night at church I spoke about distractions, and choices, and what we allow to continue in our lives. We live in a society that tends to determine self-worth by how full our calendars are, how many organizations we are involved in, and how many followers we have on social media. We tend to get wrapped around doing, being, becoming, presenting, involving, self-promoting...that we rarely enable our little selves an opportunity to rest. Resting is for people who are lazy, who don't have a social life, who don't have any energy, therefore must have something medically wrong with them and maybe you should see a doctor about that...because oh dear mercy, what if resting is contagious?! "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
Luke 10:38-42 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord's feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."
Last week I was a Jonah. This week I am a Martha. I love to plan and organize and, hopefully, pull off a successful event, gathering, party, bible-study, etc. And very much like Martha, I get a little (sometimes a lot) irritated when I don't feel that others pull their weight (that's not on them, that is 100% on me). I struggle with perfectionism and a pretty healthy dose of social anxiety...at the same time. So if you will, I love the preparation and the excitement and the anticipation of picking out the right menu, drinks, and paper goods...but when the bell tolls, I struggle with nausea, sweaty armpits, and superficial conversation. I want to host you, but not necessarily talk to you...and yes, I have tried medication.
And Luke here is giving us a total and absolute free invitation to the party. QUIT worrying about so many things - Sit at the Lord's feet, CHOOSE the good part, only ONE THING is necessary. All the fluff and preparation isn't what is important, it is the quality time, the ability to stop and give God/someone/anyone your undivided attention. And the meaningful conversation. I do not think Jesus stopped and stayed at Martha's to talk about the weather, what He had for lunch, or the new shoe store on the corner. We see in this chapter that Jesus has just sent out the seventy disciples, Satan's walls are falling, and we are gifted the story of the Good Samaritan. Jesus pauses at Martha's to rejoice in the kingdom's successes, to impart a shared mission, to clear the distractions of daily duties and say "rest, we are all in this together, this ONE thing will keep us going".
ONE thing is all that is needed. How many things do we fill our days with? What is pulling us away from the ONE thing that we desperately need weekly, daily, hourly, minutely in our lives? What keeps us from deliberate time with God?
I know it sounds silly, but we need to put Him on our calendar. Consider it a challenge to work Him into your day, maybe after a while we can begin to work our day around Him. We talked last night about happiness not being on our agenda, true authentic happiness...pencil it in people if that is what it takes. Sacrifice ten minutes of your morning to start with...I know, I know, I am talking about resting and now I am asking you to wake up ten minutes earlier...or 20? Ten to wake up and ten for authentic prayer, or maybe that is just me 'cause in the morning, God is probably the only one in my house that wants to talk to me! Here is a suggestion for each minute:
1. Thank Him for your health and the health of your family.
2. Pray for those whose health is not optimal right now.
3. Thank Him for food in your cabinets and in your fridge.
4. Pray for those who do not have enough to eat, locally and abroad.
5. Thank Him for a roof over your head and all the luxuries you are afforded.
6. Pray for those who do not have adequate shelter or clothing.
7. Thank Him for his crazy good mercy and undeserved forgiveness.
8. Pray for your sins..throw them out there. Admit your distractions and weaknesses.
9. Praise Him for all His goodness - jobs, friends, family, transportation, freedoms, (coffee) etc.
10. Ask Him where He needs you to go, ask for acceptance of where you are.
You do not even have to talk or force words for the full minute. Say what you need to say and then sit at His feet quietly before moving on.
Let's quit being distracted by all things we can't do or get to throughout the day, and start focusing on what we can accomplish. Let's pencil in happiness and rest and time with God and while we are at it, why don't we check that box on the calendar that makes it an All Day Event? Let's stop preparing for conversations and unassumingly CHOOSE the one good thing that can't be taken away...there is no prescription better than that!
**Side note: While I was trying to type this, I got a call from the hubs that the modem was out on the house. So I spent 18 minutes on the phone with the provider trying to figure out why. Also, another loose neighbor dog in the backyard and a call to Animal Control. A guy at work called looking for a check and the hubs made me laugh so hard, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. Life happens, oh, life happens.**
**Blog update from last week: My submission was accepted!! I am honored, excited, and humbled to be a part of raising money for www.mercyhousekenya.com through my contribution to their upcoming book. I look forward to sharing more information on it as publication draws near.**
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Specks on Windshields
Every once in awhile I feel like my life is in neutral, like I am not doing enough, but am not sure what I should be doing, and I find myself getting a little restless. I have been in one of "those moods" lately and this week has been frustrating. It is not that things are going bad or anything horrible has happened, things have just been a bit annoying, I want things to be chill, people to be respectful, and life to be low-key and it is not my agenda that is playing out.
I had to catch up on work from being off for a couple of days, which also put me on a payroll day, which is not my specialty. A challenging person in our lives, continues to hold up their end of the bargain. A neighbor dog wandered into our yard at 2:00 in the morning and had a great time barking, pooping, and tracking mud all over the new deck for over two hours. The city workers decided to use our drive way and side yard to access the alley (because apparently taking 10 seconds to drive around the corner is exhausting), and today after I washed my car, like the very second I pulled away from the dryer, bird poop. Windshield, dead center, two thirds of the way down. Well played bird, well played. And it is July in Oklahoma...hot, humid, hot - like ponytail everyday and boycott pants hot. Oh, and one of the baseball moms just sent me a pic of her beverage overlooking the lake. Come on!!
I began praying on Monday, "okay God, I have something to learn here, there is something going on and you are lining up things while I sit her and stew, so let me be ready, let me be willing when the time comes for whatever it may be". And last night at church our speaker started by asking "what has God done in your life this week?" and when only a few people answered, he asked "did you wake up?", "do you have your health?". He also ended by saying, there is going to be suffering, God didn't send His Son to die on the cross because it felt good. There is going to be sacrifice.
I joined a closed Facebook group - a group of writers and bloggers - and an opportunity came about for stories on "Motherhood" for a compilation for an upcoming book to raise money for Mercy House. And as I followed the posts, I thought, these women are amazing, their stories are triumphant, I can't compete for a spot with all they have to share. So last week, as the deadline approached, and life got busy, I left the group...and then a few days later, there was a post notification. Somehow, I was back in the group and there my story lay on my heart, and it was heavy, and 100% from God - pushing me to be courageous and participate. So last week I submitted my story - I don't know yet if it will be a good fit for their goals, but I do know that it is one of the bravest things I felt I have done in as long as I can remember and even now, I am fighting all the reasons they have to kick it out. Doubts. Doubts are like poop on the windshield: Sometimes out of nowhere and right when you are trying to see where you are going.
Today I am feeling a bit like a Jonah. How God put something on his heart and Jonah went south after God said go north. And Jonah couldn't deny that he was the reason the water wasn't so smooth. And Jonah spent a few days in the whale wondering how long it would be until it was over and then he realized he was to acknowledge God with thanksgiving and to be obedient. And then that poor whale, the one being obedient to God, had to suffer a little and vomit Jonah back onto the shore. And Jonah begrudgingly did what he was told, but he didn't like it and had doubts about it. And he told God as much without holding back. And God gave him shade to get over "his mood", and then the worm ate it. And Jonah got a little huffy about it again. And I think it would be awesome if God said "Seriously Jonah, get it together dude".
The Message puts it like this in Jonah 4:10-11 God said, “What’s this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can’t I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don’t yet know right from wrong...?”
Yep. Jonah. I am so up and down sometimes (my family might say all the time). I have so much to be thankful for, yet I wallow in irritation when it finds friends. An abundance that never even crossed my brain, heart, or soul to be thankful for and God is growing me anyway and providing in ways that I have "neither planted nor watered".
I am so glad to be frustrated with payroll because it means I have a job to go to. Operating on four hours of sleep means 1. I am capable, though probably not too terribly delightful and 2. More Coffee!! Poop on the windshield means I have a car that is running and has a windshield to be pooped on. Poop away! And challenging people provide an opportunity to be kind, and to have a conversation with God, even if it is "Oh Dear Sweet Lord, help me out here. I don't want to make this worse and I sure don't want to go to jail". And my friend at the lake? I will deal with her later...
I have no question that submitting my story was first and foremost about being obedient. Secondly, I think it was about me realizing that I had been placed in this moment to smooth out my doubts. Submitting something to my "Nineveh" when I wasn't sure it would be embraced with love and kindness (read: fear of rejection). The lead authors and fellow writers and bloggers have been gracious, excited, and encouraging. It is going to be a great book...
So as I wind down, I am pouring my doubts a drink, feeling more at peace and not so anxious. Sometimes it takes a little speck, and ALOT of God, to say: Get it together dude! There is plenty of windshield to see out of!
I had to catch up on work from being off for a couple of days, which also put me on a payroll day, which is not my specialty. A challenging person in our lives, continues to hold up their end of the bargain. A neighbor dog wandered into our yard at 2:00 in the morning and had a great time barking, pooping, and tracking mud all over the new deck for over two hours. The city workers decided to use our drive way and side yard to access the alley (because apparently taking 10 seconds to drive around the corner is exhausting), and today after I washed my car, like the very second I pulled away from the dryer, bird poop. Windshield, dead center, two thirds of the way down. Well played bird, well played. And it is July in Oklahoma...hot, humid, hot - like ponytail everyday and boycott pants hot. Oh, and one of the baseball moms just sent me a pic of her beverage overlooking the lake. Come on!!
I began praying on Monday, "okay God, I have something to learn here, there is something going on and you are lining up things while I sit her and stew, so let me be ready, let me be willing when the time comes for whatever it may be". And last night at church our speaker started by asking "what has God done in your life this week?" and when only a few people answered, he asked "did you wake up?", "do you have your health?". He also ended by saying, there is going to be suffering, God didn't send His Son to die on the cross because it felt good. There is going to be sacrifice.
I joined a closed Facebook group - a group of writers and bloggers - and an opportunity came about for stories on "Motherhood" for a compilation for an upcoming book to raise money for Mercy House. And as I followed the posts, I thought, these women are amazing, their stories are triumphant, I can't compete for a spot with all they have to share. So last week, as the deadline approached, and life got busy, I left the group...and then a few days later, there was a post notification. Somehow, I was back in the group and there my story lay on my heart, and it was heavy, and 100% from God - pushing me to be courageous and participate. So last week I submitted my story - I don't know yet if it will be a good fit for their goals, but I do know that it is one of the bravest things I felt I have done in as long as I can remember and even now, I am fighting all the reasons they have to kick it out. Doubts. Doubts are like poop on the windshield: Sometimes out of nowhere and right when you are trying to see where you are going.
Today I am feeling a bit like a Jonah. How God put something on his heart and Jonah went south after God said go north. And Jonah couldn't deny that he was the reason the water wasn't so smooth. And Jonah spent a few days in the whale wondering how long it would be until it was over and then he realized he was to acknowledge God with thanksgiving and to be obedient. And then that poor whale, the one being obedient to God, had to suffer a little and vomit Jonah back onto the shore. And Jonah begrudgingly did what he was told, but he didn't like it and had doubts about it. And he told God as much without holding back. And God gave him shade to get over "his mood", and then the worm ate it. And Jonah got a little huffy about it again. And I think it would be awesome if God said "Seriously Jonah, get it together dude".
The Message puts it like this in Jonah 4:10-11 God said, “What’s this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can’t I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don’t yet know right from wrong...?”
Yep. Jonah. I am so up and down sometimes (my family might say all the time). I have so much to be thankful for, yet I wallow in irritation when it finds friends. An abundance that never even crossed my brain, heart, or soul to be thankful for and God is growing me anyway and providing in ways that I have "neither planted nor watered".
I am so glad to be frustrated with payroll because it means I have a job to go to. Operating on four hours of sleep means 1. I am capable, though probably not too terribly delightful and 2. More Coffee!! Poop on the windshield means I have a car that is running and has a windshield to be pooped on. Poop away! And challenging people provide an opportunity to be kind, and to have a conversation with God, even if it is "Oh Dear Sweet Lord, help me out here. I don't want to make this worse and I sure don't want to go to jail". And my friend at the lake? I will deal with her later...
I have no question that submitting my story was first and foremost about being obedient. Secondly, I think it was about me realizing that I had been placed in this moment to smooth out my doubts. Submitting something to my "Nineveh" when I wasn't sure it would be embraced with love and kindness (read: fear of rejection). The lead authors and fellow writers and bloggers have been gracious, excited, and encouraging. It is going to be a great book...
So as I wind down, I am pouring my doubts a drink, feeling more at peace and not so anxious. Sometimes it takes a little speck, and ALOT of God, to say: Get it together dude! There is plenty of windshield to see out of!
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
God Met Me at the Car Dealership
I got a NEW CAR!! It is the cutest little thing...it is a Nissan Juke and it gets double the gas mileage of my last car, lessened our monthly car payment considerably, and is perfect for getting back and forth to work. Sounds like a responsible move, right? And it was...kind of. Probably a little pre-mid-life-crisis with its sunroof, rear spoiler, black exterior and interior, and TURBO engine...kind of responsible, kind of not.
I don't know about you, but I always stress about big purchases. Big purchases are especially hard on us since our life-altering incident almost four years ago. But God totally revealed Himself to me and continues to encourage me to share my story in the most random of places, i.e. new car lots.
I had found a Juke locally, but it didn't quite have all the features I wanted and as I started to look, I discovered I could get a brand-new Juke for a little over the price of a used one, which are hard to find. So I hit the inter-web and found a new one about an hour a way, and it had everything I wanted aside from the sunroof. Then I found another dealer in the opposite direction that had three on the lot that had everything I wanted. It also happened to be in the same town that my son was playing baseball in for the weekend. So I made a phone call, put on my big girl britches, and headed to the dealer.
I did not get the trade-in price I wanted (of course) but was still in the payment range I wanted to be, so I sealed the deal with a good old-fashion hand-shake. Now the scary part. Financing. As I sat there with this woman, I noticed the Finance Department schedule on the wall. There are five staff and they take rotating days off and work weird shifts, no 8-5 in the FD. I had just caught her toward the end of her shift. As she pulled up our credit history, I got a little clammy and sweaty and wanted to throw up and abort the entire plan. She said "you all have done really well since your bankruptcy". And for whatever reason, I felt entirely compelled to tell her (word vomit) the story of getting our store broken into...twice...and the fallout that ensued. At this moment, I am completely tear-free and a little beside myself as to why I am pouring out my heart to this stranger who holds the fate of my maybe-new-car in her hands.
Here I am at one of three dealers, with a woman about to end her shift, and she tells me that 15 years earlier, she and her husband owned a grocery store and it was broken in to. She said they stole every last item that contained or was linked to nicotine. They took every last gallon of milk and spilled it all over the store - sour milk on every isle. They took every last carton of eggs and egged the entire store. Similar to us, they had a shady initial business deal and less-than-adequate insurance for an event of this nature. And they had to file for bankruptcy. If you think that God doesn't place you exactly where you need to be, with someone that needs to hear your story, and with someone you need to hear from to know that you are 100% not alone in this world, then you and I need to go grab some sort of beverage and hash out some things.
The bank that picked up the Juke loan was doing so at an INSANE interest rate and again the lump in my throat threatened to abort the deal. And she looked at me and smiled and said "I'm going to call the owner (of the dealership!), you all need a break". And so she did. And so our interest rate got cut over 6% and they added a full 7-year warranty on top of that, and my first oil change is FREE (love that word), and I got three FREE air-freshners and an extra set of floor mats! So the tears are now flowing (with her and as I type this). Because it is supercrazyinsanescary (spell check is having a terrible time with that one) to put yourself out there, to bare your soul and (very public) humiliation, to be completely real about your failures and await a verdict. And out of all the choices I could have made that week, I am sitting here with someone that doesn't just have compassion for our situation, she can RELATE!
And I hear God say through my tears "you have to stop being afraid to share this story, people need each other". I explained to her through my "ugly-crying" how hard it was to share my testimony and how I had really been struggling because I didn't want to be judged or criticized (read: chicken, avoider, detour, selfish). How I had bit the bullet and agreed to share it at the upcoming Wednesday service. How God knew that I needed to "test it out" on someone so that He could affirm that yes...yes...this is for My good.
So I don't mean to brag about getting a new car (kind of), it is not the car, but the story around it that I want to share. I always tell my kiddos that if we involve God, the process makes a way. It may have some ups and downs, but the final say is oh.so.good.
1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
I am learning, sometimes at a turtle pace, that I can only be me. I can only put the story out there, I can't be responsible for how someone interprets it. I can only put the good out there, I can't be responsible for what someone does with it. I can only be me, I can't be responsible for the 'like' or 'unlike' button. We all have these normal backgrounds that are anything but. The equally normal thing about our stories is that they are messy, chaotic, tragic, triumphant, courageous, persevering, intertwined and most assuredly remain unwritten...
So when you see me zipping around town in my pre-mid-life-crisis car, know that God is truly everywhere, even schmarmy new car dealerships. Know that if you have something placed on your heart, it is not there by accident. And most importantly, know that you are not alone in your story, but if you choose to keep it to yourself, you will miss out on potentially some of the most heart-warming, albeit awkward, moments to cry and rejoice in the exact places, at just the right times.
AMEN and AMEN!
I don't know about you, but I always stress about big purchases. Big purchases are especially hard on us since our life-altering incident almost four years ago. But God totally revealed Himself to me and continues to encourage me to share my story in the most random of places, i.e. new car lots.
I had found a Juke locally, but it didn't quite have all the features I wanted and as I started to look, I discovered I could get a brand-new Juke for a little over the price of a used one, which are hard to find. So I hit the inter-web and found a new one about an hour a way, and it had everything I wanted aside from the sunroof. Then I found another dealer in the opposite direction that had three on the lot that had everything I wanted. It also happened to be in the same town that my son was playing baseball in for the weekend. So I made a phone call, put on my big girl britches, and headed to the dealer.
I did not get the trade-in price I wanted (of course) but was still in the payment range I wanted to be, so I sealed the deal with a good old-fashion hand-shake. Now the scary part. Financing. As I sat there with this woman, I noticed the Finance Department schedule on the wall. There are five staff and they take rotating days off and work weird shifts, no 8-5 in the FD. I had just caught her toward the end of her shift. As she pulled up our credit history, I got a little clammy and sweaty and wanted to throw up and abort the entire plan. She said "you all have done really well since your bankruptcy". And for whatever reason, I felt entirely compelled to tell her (word vomit) the story of getting our store broken into...twice...and the fallout that ensued. At this moment, I am completely tear-free and a little beside myself as to why I am pouring out my heart to this stranger who holds the fate of my maybe-new-car in her hands.
Here I am at one of three dealers, with a woman about to end her shift, and she tells me that 15 years earlier, she and her husband owned a grocery store and it was broken in to. She said they stole every last item that contained or was linked to nicotine. They took every last gallon of milk and spilled it all over the store - sour milk on every isle. They took every last carton of eggs and egged the entire store. Similar to us, they had a shady initial business deal and less-than-adequate insurance for an event of this nature. And they had to file for bankruptcy. If you think that God doesn't place you exactly where you need to be, with someone that needs to hear your story, and with someone you need to hear from to know that you are 100% not alone in this world, then you and I need to go grab some sort of beverage and hash out some things.
The bank that picked up the Juke loan was doing so at an INSANE interest rate and again the lump in my throat threatened to abort the deal. And she looked at me and smiled and said "I'm going to call the owner (of the dealership!), you all need a break". And so she did. And so our interest rate got cut over 6% and they added a full 7-year warranty on top of that, and my first oil change is FREE (love that word), and I got three FREE air-freshners and an extra set of floor mats! So the tears are now flowing (with her and as I type this). Because it is supercrazyinsanescary (spell check is having a terrible time with that one) to put yourself out there, to bare your soul and (very public) humiliation, to be completely real about your failures and await a verdict. And out of all the choices I could have made that week, I am sitting here with someone that doesn't just have compassion for our situation, she can RELATE!
And I hear God say through my tears "you have to stop being afraid to share this story, people need each other". I explained to her through my "ugly-crying" how hard it was to share my testimony and how I had really been struggling because I didn't want to be judged or criticized (read: chicken, avoider, detour, selfish). How I had bit the bullet and agreed to share it at the upcoming Wednesday service. How God knew that I needed to "test it out" on someone so that He could affirm that yes...yes...this is for My good.
So I don't mean to brag about getting a new car (kind of), it is not the car, but the story around it that I want to share. I always tell my kiddos that if we involve God, the process makes a way. It may have some ups and downs, but the final say is oh.so.good.
1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
I am learning, sometimes at a turtle pace, that I can only be me. I can only put the story out there, I can't be responsible for how someone interprets it. I can only put the good out there, I can't be responsible for what someone does with it. I can only be me, I can't be responsible for the 'like' or 'unlike' button. We all have these normal backgrounds that are anything but. The equally normal thing about our stories is that they are messy, chaotic, tragic, triumphant, courageous, persevering, intertwined and most assuredly remain unwritten...
So when you see me zipping around town in my pre-mid-life-crisis car, know that God is truly everywhere, even schmarmy new car dealerships. Know that if you have something placed on your heart, it is not there by accident. And most importantly, know that you are not alone in your story, but if you choose to keep it to yourself, you will miss out on potentially some of the most heart-warming, albeit awkward, moments to cry and rejoice in the exact places, at just the right times.
AMEN and AMEN!
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