Hosanna! Hosanna!

Do you ever want to take God's invitation to come as a child literal?  Like kicking and screaming and sticking your tongue out?  I was throwing a pretty good terrible-two's tantrum in my heart last Sunday...you want me to come as a child...here you go!  I sat down to do my devotions, and refused to journal.  I looked at my daily prayer guide and refused to write.  I told God (haha...funny right?) that He better have a good message at Palm Sunday service because I was on my last blast...two-year olds eventually wear themselves down and pass smooth out right?

I walk into church and there is a flurry of little kids, much older and maturer than my two-year old self, and they are waving some serious palm branches.  And the processional starts and they are singing and swaying and waving those palms and simultaneously...God entered the room.  The only way I can explain it, is I heard a feeling.  And God whispered..."I died for you".  I teared up and then as I made an effort to release my inner toddler, I choked on my tears and started coughing and totally deflected that I was weepy.  I think.

Palm Sunday...God stops to weep.  He is entering the week that He was sent for.  The crowd is screaming Hosanna!  Hosanna! - which I learned Sunday means "Save Now".  And so was my mantra for the rest of the day...Hosanna!  Hosanna!

God's divine timing had me reading the fourth book in a series called Saving Gideon:  The Angel Chronicles by Mary May.  These fictional books are and about Spiritual Warfare and I had been waiting for another book to be released, so it was no coincidence that I happened upon it last week.  Book four focused on circumstances that do not go our way, and without realizing it, we invite in a "bitter heart demon".  I could have placed myself in the story.  And the ache in my heart told me that I had sent out unknowingly a little one-demon e-vite and I needed to retract that summons ASAP.  

 Image by Sassy Graphics

I have to apologize to God daily for my humanity - that I continue to tell Him (haha!) to send a burning bush sign.  And God said last Sunday...fire and two-year olds DO NOT mix.  And He placed 1 Corinthians 10:31 on my heart...Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  Keeping to myself hoping my situation turns around sooner than later, is not producing a novel of glory...

So I banished the bitter-heart demon and took the spankin' spoon to my selfish heart.  I made a decision that this week would be one of activity that gave God the glory.

I have always wanted to help with the preparation of my church's Annual Thrift Sale, but have always been stuck at work.  I suspected I was missing out on fellowship and feel-good goose bumps - and not to toot my own horn - but I was totally right.  My fellow Sisters-in-Christ volunteering to sort, clean, and lable treasures this week think I am crazy (I am), but I have had the best week being up there with them.  Just the opportunity to laugh and visit with them; to look at the "things" people donate to the event (people we need a "stuff" intervention!), and then to have my heart leap at the thought of the people that not necessarily want what we have...but NEED it.  The mission and outreach of the event puts a little lump in my throat.

And I hear the feeling "I died for this".  For us to be able to walk in our brokenness, while finding a way to extend mercy, grace, kindness, necessity, and fellowship.

This was the fourth week of being laid off...and I survived.  Not only did I survive, God sent friends to check on me with text messages, cards, hugs, outreach of "what can I do to help".  People, my favorite part of Psalm 23 is "my cup overflows" - and so it did this week.  

Holy Week is my favorite week in the church.  Jesus entered the city, was fueled with a passionate urgency, fellow-shipped, preached, wept, prayed, begged God that the cup be removed, shared bread with a betrayer, accepted His fate.  What a full week He had that encompassed every human emotion, every human fear, every human effort, and I can't help but think His heart overflowed as He dined with His disciples.  All of that...and He still had the energy to suffer for me.  If you haven't read it...it's a great book.

I came across a pin a while back by John Piper that said "When you feel like you can't take it any more, look to Jesus, and take it a little more". And from the Blessed Is She blog, "Good Friday is good because it reminds us that the good is often painful; that God's will for our lives demands that we love until it hurts". 

I have had a busy week banishing bitter-heart demons, apparently...repelling burning bushes, sorting collectibles, accepting the generosity of others, watching my son play baseball, and crying over the love of Jesus.  He died for this - for the plain and ordinary to become extraordinary.  Hosanna!  Hosanna!

Video Warning - I weep uncontrollably at the Passion of our Christ...if you so choose, grab the tissues!

Vul-ner-a-ble

When I shared my testimony and shortly after, my layoff, I was choosing to be vulnerable.  What I have learned since, is that sometimes, vulnerable chooses you.

The job that I was laid off from, held all the benefits:  Health, dental, life, retirement.  My husband's job does not even offer them at this time.  I feel like we are sitting ducks.  We were covered for almost five years, and played baseball all of those five years...but my son waited until this weekend to foul a ball off his face.

It was an at-bat in slow motion, one of those moments where time stands still and one-million thoughts race through your head.  As he dropped to his knees and I heard the moan escape him, that moan that only a momma hears and knows is not of this earth, the thought I settled on was "I don't care if I embarrass him".  I was amazed at how quickly his teammates cleared a path for me!  And I was thankful that only a handful of people heard me say the same bad word three times under my breath as a flew off the bleachers...I love Jesus, but I cuss a little.

One of my friends shared a blog today The Goodness of God and it shares how we want tangible goodness, and sometimes, most of the time, we as humans, can not fathom God's goodness.  Human goodness, is not even close to God goodness.

Well, thanks be to God, we experienced a little tangible goodness in the foul-tipped-curve-ball-to-face incident.  By my side, out of nowhere, was a dentist...and I laughed as he said, well I am not a doctor, I am a dentist, and I hugged him and told him I would take what I could get right now.  He was probably more able than a doctor as he checked my son's eye socket, nose, and jawline for pain and fractures.  I like to envision an angel sticking their hand out over his eye and deflecting the baseball at just the right angle.  Because that is exactly what happened.  The ball hit in just a way that aside from a little swelling and some wicked stitch marks across the side of his nose...no lasting trauma, not even a black eye or visible bruising on his nose.

Vul-ner-a-ble. - Susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.  There wasn't a single version of this definition that said the attack was "intentional".  When we sling our weary legs over the bed each morning, we become vulnerable.  When we step up to the plate and life slings every pitch in the playbook at us, we are vulnerable.

I also attended a friend's church this past week to listen to a missionary from Romania speak.  I had attended two years ago with her both locally, and a few weeks later, down the road a ways, so I knew that God would be present and moving in His church.  As the message wound to an end, they invited us to pray with someone from the group.  I reintroduced myself to a lady that we had prayed with a couple of years before and she asked if she could pray with me.  Vulnerable.  Ya'll I had been playing the strong soldier after two weeks with myself and foul-tipped-curve-ball-to-face the day before.  I was spent and this was dangerous territory.

The first thing she said is "you are weary"...cue tears - followed by "God wants you to rest", "there are so many words in your head", "you have grown tired", "return to prayer".  As I let her pray over me and silent tears poured over my cheeks, I felt two hands placed softly on each shoulder, assuming that it was my friend.  As the prayer ended and we hugged and thanked God, I turn to see my daughter sitting by my friend with a tear-streaked face.  I asked her if she prayed with someone and she said softly "I was praying with you".  Vul-ner-a-ble.

My first instinct was to be dismayed that she had heard what I was feeling and witnessed the weariness pour out of me.  But that thought gave way to the knowledge, that sometimes, others have to hear that moan of letting go, meant only for their ears; they have to see the tears that are hiding the goodness that only God can see working.  Next to my wedding day and the birth of each of my kids, I will treasure those soft little hands on my shoulders, praying with me, yearning to see the goodness of God tangible in our lives.

When my son is especially thankful for something, he gives you "the paw".  In thankful gratitude, he lays his hand on your shoulder.  I am so blessed to have God's goodness pour out through the hands of my children.

What strikes me this morning about Vulnerable, is the ending..."able".  The vulnerability is there each waking moment, but with God's help and unseen goodness, we are "able".

Philippians 4:13 I can (Me: Am Able To) do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  

P.S.  I let me daughter go snowboarding with a friend for Spring Break..for the first time...uninsured.  Lord have mercy!

Does Not Wait Well...

When I sit down to write, I really want encouragement,  upliftedness, and God's promise to shine through.  And in all honesty, some days, that is a little more difficult to pen to words.  I can sit here today and laugh, that last week, I was having a heart struggle on what to share, and then Friday, February 26th came at me and this week has been more mix and match than the last.

I shared my testimony a couple of weeks ago, and I know now, that I needed to do that, if for nothing else, as a reminder of His goodness in my life.  Because as of the 26th, I am walking a new chapter in that testimony.

I can now claim "oil-field casualty" on my resume.  As I left work last Friday at 10:00 am with my final check in my hand, I plopped down into my driver seat and asked "Lord, what in the world are you up to?".  Which also translates into:  What in the actual world just happened?  What does this mean?  Why?  Where are you taking me?  What could possibly be better than what I am being forced away from?  And the bronze plate on my heart that reads "Lacks Patience.  Despises Uncertainty.  Does Not Wait Well".

And here is my upliftedness (yes I made that word up, and no, spellcheck does not like it):  It is going to be okay, deep down in the ocean of my heart, in the river of tears, and the drying of my cheeks...This is going to be so much better than what I could have planned for myself.  And I want you to know that I BELIEVE that with EVERY fiber of my being.  My HOPE and FUTURE is planned by the big man upstairs and we have had many conversations the past seven days.  

Saturday, the 27th's mantra was:

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10  

Anytime I allowed myself to think past the moment, "be still", was whispered on my heart.  

And moving forward I am  heart engraving Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you, I will up hold you with my righteous right hand.  

Things have been and could be worse.  And I am not going to lie to you or God, I yearn for the day when they are so much better.  However:

1. I survived layoffs about 12 months longer than a multitude of oil-field workers.  

2. My last check will get us by for a few weeks without the urgency and gut instinct to "panic".  

3. I have amazing people in my life, from my immediate family, to bible study friends, to baseball moms, to fabulous former neighbors, my mom, my pastor, my dog.  The timely messages and conversations bring happy salt water to my face.

4. Not sure if this is a joy or irritation - but I have put a bra and makeup on every flippin' day this week.  I have had something to do, to keep my mind busy all week, to get me out of the house every day.  The thrifty me wants to save on make-up and gas and set the captives free, but the "oh, I could totally wallow in this" is so relieved for something to do.

5. I have spoiled my family this week.  I have cooked outside of the same-old, standard, quick go-to's.  I have picked up for lunch, ran errands, and probably been more readily available for them overall.  I guess I will leave it up to God if He wants them to get used to this or not...

5.  There are several unspoken blessings that came from this, if you add me to your prayers, please remember to thank God for these lights in our tunnel.

Our WBS study is on the Fruits of the Spirit this Spring, and God, I know was holding back several giggles Wednesday as He watched us women battle through the lesson on................Patience.  You are hilarious Lord Jesus...

But, oh, I needed to laugh.  I needed to admit that I do not wait well.  I needed to hear, that not many of us do.  I want to, I desire to wait well...God will give you the desires of you heart.  I hope He realizes that I am okay with an apprenticeship, and have no need to be a master!

I love you all.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for being so kind and compassionate when I posted my testimony.  Thank you to all of you who I let in this past week who have offered me your shadow, smiles, and moments out of your day.  

This too shall pass...

Redemption: The Pain and The Progress

When I am asked to share my testimony...this is what I share.  I feel this past month or so, that I am being called to return to that vulnerability that created my current relationship with God.  I need to be reminded of how far He has brought me:

My daily devotions one day read:  His Word declares that ALL things work together for good.  Not just the good things, but also the bad things, not just the successes, but also the failures, and even the things that you look at in your life and would call somewhat neutral – ALL things.  He promises to redeem ALL things.  As soon as we look to God more because of something, anything, then it is all worth it right there – That is where God’s redemption begins. 

Romans 8:28  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

When I was young my grandparents took me to church every Sunday.  When I was five, my family moved to Blackwell where I “grew up”.  I was involved in youth group.  So I believed God existed, I never doubted that He was real, but what I want to share with you today is a story of finding my relationship with God and what it means to me to maintain that relationship. 

My family owned a small sporting goods store.  Looking back is awesome isn’t it – you can see everything so clearly?  20/20?  There were several red flags we chose to ignore.  To condense the absolute worst three years of my life down for you – After about 5 months the guy we bought it from sued us.  We counter-sued.  For someone who has never even had a traffic ticket, this alone, rocked my world.   Four months after that was the May 2010 hail storm that hit around 7:00 in the morning – you know the one that dropped the giant hail stones in Edmond and rained hail on Tonkawa.  Two months after that, our store was broken into and vandalized.  Our insurance agent, failed to put a theft rider on our policy and we had failed to catch it.  Six months later, record snow fall, two feet in two weeks.  I took a baseball to the windshield, our home heat/air unit decided it had worked long enough and stopped working the summer that set record heat around 110 most days, 90 most nights.  One month after that, and 7 months to the day, our store was broke into and vandalized again.  It was more than we could bounce back from.  We lost our income, our home, our pride.  We were completely devastated.  We were on food stamps – I continually ask God to Bless that man that had to deal with me that morning because I think I ugly cried uncontrollably for about 10 minutes before I ever got any words out.  From there I had to go enroll my kids and burst into tears as I asked the Principal if I could have an application for employment and an application for free lunches.  My teacher-friend grabbed me and whisked me off to her room where I cried and poured my heart out about all we were going through.  Her husband was a preacher and he called another preacher to see if they could help us get the air conditioner working.  The person that preacher called to see if we could get some help started the conversation out like this “You live in a nicer house than me, so not many people are going to want to help you and the only reason I am helping you is because a preacher asked me to”.  Yeah…  We were using the food bank, we were filing for bankruptcy.  I found myself in a place that I never thought I would be.  That I never thought I would be.  But God had bigger plans. 

I was reading a book by Beth Moore, “When Godly People, Do Ungodly Things”.  She says “I am convinced the ability to remember as if it happened yesterday is a gift, even though some days it feels like a curse.  It’s worth any bad memories if I never forget God’s goodness to me.” 

God gave me a choice.  I could wallow in self-pity, protest how unfair life was, wish that things had gone different, be defeated by people who chose to say ugly things not just about us, but to us, let envy eat at me for those that seemed to have it all going well –and I did that for a while. BUT – I eventually relinquished my control and chose to give it over to God.  My trying to maintain control was most definitely not working!  I lay on the floor crying and wanting to melt into it and screamed “Where are you – I can’t do this anymore”.  And God scooped me up and sat me in a chair – like I literally have no idea how I got in that chair.  The next thing I knew I was opening the YouVersion App on my phone and the Verse of the Day was

Ephesians 2:8-9  For by Grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God.  Not a result of works, so that no one by boast. 

I had fallen away from God, I had neglected to accept His gift.  And I have to tell you as mortifying as it was for my family to have to go through those few years.  Today, this day, I am more embarrassed to tell you that I had completely stopped communicating with God in any way, shape, or form.  I had been active in the church, the community, the schools, I was the ‘Yes Girl’.  I was a ‘people-pleaser’ but not necessarily a God pleaser.  And then God said HELLO!!  I saved you by my Grace.  Stop doing and start believing!  By Grace you have been saved by faith, it doesn’t come from you, you can’t earn this. 

Joel 2:25  God can restore what is broken and change it into something amazing.  All you need is faith.  

That’s it.  Faith.  God doesn’t say, run this by your family and get back to me.  He doesn’t say research some examples of how this worked out for other people.  We don’t need an explanation from him, we don’t need a Plan B, we don’t need to run it by our best friend for approval.  And we sure don’t need to question God’s authority over the situation.  Faith.  Faith to know he totally has this covered.  God saying “hey, I got your back”.  Faith that He is all-knowing – He knows how it ends.  Rev 21:4 – He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning, or crying, or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Now, with all that being said.  IT’S HARD!!  I am by no means standing here, telling you that having full faith is easy.  It is our human nature to want to control the situation, to have some idea of what we are getting ourselves into.  We tend to want to tell God what is best for us, instead of trusting that the other way around – His way - has an outcome that is beyond anything we could have imagined.  When Job was tested and came out saying in 42:3  You asked “Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?  It is I – and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me.  Do we not wonder about God’s motives as Job did? 

When someone asks me what it means to be a Christian, I like to say “I am a work in progress”.  I still have to work at it every day.  I still have to stop and remind myself that I need to give all things over to God in fullness of faith.  Any amount of worry that I contribute to a situation, does NOT ONE THING to change the outcome.  I don’t think that God expects perfection out of us, I think He is just as pleased with our effort.  He is pleased with every opportunity that we need Him, that we seek Him, that we thank Him – that is where redemption begins. 

Have you ever wondered what you would say to someone who you felt really, really wronged you?  For my birthday a couple of months after we had filed for bankruptcy, my brother offered to buy me a tattoo.  A permanent reminder of ‘making it through’.  It was the end of January before we finally got around to going.  We went to the tattoo parlor on a Saturday and they were packed.  There was no way we were getting in that night.  So we came back the following Thursday and there was a guy in front of us getting a tattoo that was going to take hours, so we decided to make an appointment.  We went back the following Monday– Third time is a charm – and I am in the middle of getting my tattoo and in walks one of the kids that broke into our store.  Seriously?  I have tried two other times to get this tattoo.  And a voice whispered to me ‘there is nothing you can say, nothing will make him understand what he did to your family, nothing – now is not the time’.  And then this little, what I like to call ‘Dome of Peace’ came over me.  It started at the top of my head and I could fill it work its way down over the rest of my body.  Wow, talk about a God moment – I have never felt so calm in my entire life.  As awesome as the Dome of Peace was, let me tell you, my brother has a bit of a temper and I am sitting there protected in my Dome of Peace smiling and he is like what is up with you.  And I said…if I tell you, you can’t get mad, but that is one of the boys that broke into our store and it is okay.  And the Lord kept me brother’s mouth and fists closed…that my friends, is a miracle. 

And I share, because I have had a couple of intense God moments, times when I really needed Him there with me, and without a doubt, He completely revealed himself.  I have read devotions every day since that day He lifted me up off the floor.  And what I have found is I need Him there in the good times too, because at any moment something could rock my world and I need to be ready to lean on Him and not on myself.  Not only do I need Him there in the good times, I want Him there.  I want Jesus right beside me sharing every moment of my life that allows me to thank Him for that moment of blessings.  I need Him beside me to fill me with courage and compassion.  Sharing with you is really great.  But I need God to get me through it - through the anxiety, through the fear of judgement.  I need Him in this awesome moment to work through me so that I can be a better witness for His kingdom. 

And that is the reason that God allowed everything to be taken from me – it is hard to witness when you don’t have anything to witness about.  I had to start from a clean slate.  I had to learn to appreciate food on the table, I had to learn to appreciate a roof over my head, I had to learn who to keep at arm’s length, I had to learn to appreciate that the only prayer I prayed for months was for God to keep my little family of four together – and you know what?  He did.  I had to learn that it is all from God, nothing is of me.  Not one single thing I have or do – God has had it mapped out from the beginning of time.  There is amazing freedom in “holy cow, I don’t have to, nor can I control this!”  And you know what else I learned?  It isn’t always about me!  Sometimes we just were in the right place at the right time which can feel like the wrong place at the wrong time.  Only God knows, but maybe someone else in this big giant picture of life is trying to work through their fullness of faith too.  Maybe they are lost and working their way back and I am part of that puzzle, but it may not be about me.  I know it sounds insane to say I am glad that all that crazy stuff happened to us because God in true form has used it for His good. 

·     2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Man, I am weak when He is strong.  I have learned to quietly endure times that try my patience.  I have learned that it is okay to say No.  I am no longer a people pleaser – and guess what?  The world did not end because I chose to say No to something.  I am learning to do things that God puts on my heart, things that fill my spirit.  That is the only way that I can share His love with others.  His light does not shine when I do things out of obligation, when I have a bad attitude because I said Yes in order to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings.  I have learned to go to God when I am feeling out of sorts.  When the prayers just aren’t being expressed from my heart the way I want, when the scripture just isn’t making sense.  I have learned to breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for the days that nothing happens.  I need God in the times I am in stuck in neutral.  I want Him to know that I am thankful I am not stuck in overdrive or reverse.  Thank God I am not stuck in reverse. 

We can’t go back, only forward.  Aren’t we glad that punishment for looking back isn’t like it was in the Old Testament, when the angels led Lot and his family out of Sodom and his wife looked back?  I would have been a pillar of salt a long time ago.  But, each day God gives us another chance to season our faith.  He is not asking for perfection, He is asking for effort, for forward momentum. 

Moses wandered the dessert for 40 years – No air conditioning or heat, no cars to get there quicker, no washer and dryer, no running water, no Walmart, no TV to watch while they waited, no GPS – Our waiting doesn’t sound so bad does it?  We are practicing having faith that God knows the way.  That He is the great architect, the ultimate destination planner, the ultimate travel agent, wedding planner, and life coach.  It may not always look like WE planned it to be, like we built it up in our minds.  But isn’t that the point?  It isn’t our plan, it is God’s.  We have to have faith that the life we are living is just as it should be.  God has us right where He wants us, with the people we need and the people who need us, and the circumstances are just such that they steer us toward what God has in mind for us – that may be hard times, that may be good times, it may mean neutral times.

·     Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

He holds the plans that will eventually, in His time, bring us to fullness of faith.  He longs for us to look to Him for our every need, the good, the bad, the ugly, the neutral.  You are saved by Grace, God’s gift, will you accept this gift?  Will you choose to praise God in every moment?  Will you choose to make the effort going forward?  Be still.  Listen.  Know that right now in this moment, you are exactly where you need to be – you are being redeemed. 

Amen.

Squeezing Out The Good and The Necessary

I have a Post-It note app on my phone.  It lets me jot down ideas for blogs, prayers, and reminders to grab some milk on the way home.  Sometimes I add to the note, or check off my list and remove the note, or let it sit and ponder it for weeks at a time.  Or in today's case, months...like, oh let's say...10.

So, almost a year ago, we were out of town for a baseball tournament, which if you know our family is not a big surprise or profound revelation by any means.  But on this day, we had a break and decided to head to the mall for lunch and a couple of "needs" - I say "needs" because this is seriously the only way I enter a shopping mall these days.

I was driving my husband's truck and my son was in the front passenger seat and the parking lot at the last place on earth I wanted to be was PACKED.  I am not a parking spot stalker, I will happily park at the end of the row and take a hike, but even that was slim pickings.  So we finally find an open spot, and well, I am driving the truck.

I squeeze into the open space in tandem with a verbal lecture to my son not to hit the car next to us when he opens the door.  And God love him, he is so crazy cautious that he gets stuck getting out of the truck.  Like stuck between the door and the door jam/seat/running board.  Like...can't move.  And because I know I am about to enter a building that challenges every prism of my social anxiety, I let loose with uncontrollable laughter.  He is panicked and flailing and I am relaxing a bit and about to pee my pants.

I don't even remember how, but obviously, we unstucked him and found a new parking spot.

In the game of baseball, youth through major league, you might fight find an umpire who has a strike zone the size of a coffee can.  And the batter feels stuck and frustrated and swings at pitches they wouldn't ordinarily attempt because they are just trying to make something happen.

When we quickly squeeze a lemon/lime/orange, we have no control over where that juice is going to go.  Inevitably it targets our eyeball and we are left squinting and wiping a zesty tear or two.

My First5 App this week talked about the process of crushing olives.  The olives are pressed (squeezed) in order to produce 1. Oil for annointing 2. Oil for food 3. Oil for lamps.  And this devotion was so in line with our WBS study on finding joy in the trials.  If you haven't read me say before, here it is again....love, love, love God's affirmation.

Squeezing is high pressure.  When we squeeze in time with God, we feel anxiety, panic, uncertainty.  Things feel immovable, tight fitting and we begin to focus simply on forcing something to work.  We feel like we have to take the first open spot, we have to take a pitch that isn't going to produce the results we want, we have to add flavor quickly and end up wasting all the drops that go flying in crazy directions.

Rather we need to slow down and take in the process.  Squeezing, as in the case of the olive is not all bad.  First5 says:

...hard pressing produces something good and necessary.  And I think the same is true for our pressing times as well.  Pressing times never feel good at the time but hold incredible potential...Crushing the olive isn't its end.  It's actually the way to get what's most sacred and valuable to emerge.

Just like trying to park a big truck in a small space....When I am carrying a big load, settling for small spaces with Jesus isn't going to get me to the moment that fulfills my needs.  Sometimes God never means for us to park, but instead to have patience and endurance until we find the right fit.

A batter/pitcher/catcher getting squeezed by the umpire has an awesome opportunity to work on their self-discipline, their acceptance that the current at-bat is not going to be a hitter's best plate appearance.  Again, God doesn't want us to force what isn't comfortable.  We have to acknowledge that that umpire may be having a bad day, he might not like us out of no particular reason, or he might not like us for several reasons that lie inside and/or outside the fence (you know who you are!).  God wants us to take it all in, to extend, patience, grace, and forgiveness.  It is hard for us to realize sometimes that the actions of others...are not a reflection of who we are...unless we give in to the pressure of being squeezed.

You can get twice as much juice out of a piece of fruit if you roll it before you peel it.  If you have a plan and a method that works, rather than impulsively doing the first thing that comes to mind.  Prayer, time with God, reading your Bible - getting the very most out of these gifts rather than a quick squeeze, a quick sip, a runny eyeball, and then on to the next thing.

Hebrews 12:11-12   No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful!  But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.  So take a new grip with your tired hands and strenthen your weak knees. (Verse 12 is for my baseball player - mwah!)

Squeezing, discipline, pressing...never feels good at the time, is not enjoyable, while it is happening...can be painful.  But the harvest...the eventual home-run,..the flavorful beverage...the front-row parking spot - they can not be appreciated if we do not experience the alternative.

And now I will preach to myself and if you can relate - Hooray!:  Quit trying to squeeze in time with God!  Make him a priority - acknowledge that each trial is producing something "good and necessary" and if God wants that to take three pressings, then by golly, He will.  Step back from the plate and acknowledge all the times that He is good, all the times He hit one out of the park.  Be full of flavor - the salt and the light.

Life is full of door dings, bad calls, and fruit that is out-of-season.  Find joy in the pressing, squeeze every teachable moment out of it. Where ever you find yourself today, whatever open spot your trial has parked in, know that God will not live you stuck between the door and running board - He loves you...

You are good.
You are necessary.
You are valuable.
You are sacred.

Amen!

Fur Babies and Feels

WARNING:  BLUNT LANGUAGE INCLUDED (Not in a crude way, just, well you've been warned)

I would categorize myself more in the tier of over-thinkers.  I tend to over-analyze, over-plan, over-prepare, over-read-into, and over-scenario anything and everything.  Then I have situations that stand still, and I am not sure if I am more shocked at the revelation or at the fact, that I totally under-analyzed for a (possibly detrimental) moment in my pretty predictable life.

I will start from the beginning...

In November, we took our 9 1/2 Human Years, Basset Hound, Rusty to the Vet for his annual vaccinations, a toe nail trim, and a bath.  We call this "Spa Day" and I really need to keep it this way so that he looks forward to it...appreciate it.  Anywho...he has had a couple of "fatty tumors" for a few years now that we keep an eye on, are not concerned about, and had double-checked again.  Here is where the WARNING comes in:  He had a small, pinky fingernail-sized, blood blister on the side of his penis (again, not crude, just a fact) at this visit.  Which we didn't give much thought to.

Over the past couple of months, this little blister did not heal, in fact it got to be just under quarter sized.  And for the love of all dogs...he smelled.  Not your normal smell, it was cringe-worthy.  Then last Thursday night, I noticed he was really swollen "down there".  So Friday morning I decided to call the Vet...psyching myself up to say penis over the phone (because I over-analyze and in my mind think they have never heard anyone say dog penis over the phone).  He was his happy little self, all activities were normal, he was pumped to see the leash come out, and hear the word "ride" and bounded into the Vet...after sniffing half the building of course.

So here is where my under-analyzing comes in, mostly because, I am not a Vet.  I am thinking the blood blister has become infected and we will just be sent home quickly with a dose of antibiotics. Yep, you guessed it...this is where my moment stands still.  The Vet immediately grabs him "down there" and I don't think I would have panicked, if the Vet wouldn't have forcefully said "this has to come out NOW, IMMEDIATELY".  I might have over-read-into the urgencey, but to me it was Defcon 1.  I think I heard something along the lines of "quick growing", "need to send off", "surgery", "stay overnight"...definitely not, infection and antibiotics.

So as the Vet took the leash and Rusty from me, I was dizzy, nauseated, and in complete shock.  My friend from church was sitting in the waiting room with her dog.  She had heard everything and made a sad face at me as she held her arms out to embrace me in a hug...I am one of those people that has hair-trigger waterworks when hugging in sad scenarios.  Then I have to hold in the ugly cries so I can call my husband, who says "if you are calling, it can't be good".  Then I have to hold in more ugly cries to tell my co-workers.

Let me state that at one point in my life, I thought, I would never spend the same amount of money on a pet, that I would for a human.  And Monday, I realized that was not the case.  And as I began get back on track and "over-analyze"...I prayed that our family has had as much impact on Rusty's life as he has had on ours.  And I thought of how God created everything.  Every. Single. Thing.

Psalm 104:24  O Lord, what a variety of things you have made!  In wisdom you have made them all. The earth is full of your creatures.  

Our Vet office is fantastic and they called when he went under anesthesia, when he moved to recovery, and when he woke up.  And guess what they said?...We sent off the one from his "groin".  Groin people...why did I not think to say groin?  And he stayed overnight and came home yesterday...with a "cone of shame".  Bless his furry heart.  He ran straight for his rawhide bone and drank about 1/2 a gallon of water in one slurpy session.  If chicks dig scars, he is going to be a lady killer...He has a 4" incision on his side,  And about an 8" one the length of his..eh.um...groin.  We were so glad to have him home and everyone worked in shifts to sit by him so he could keep the cone off.  And my daughter didn't want to give up her shift, so I just sat on the other side of him with her at the end of the night.  And even though the cone was on overnight and still on this morning, my son sat with him until it was time to get ready for school.

You want to know what hit me right in the "feels"?
1. The Vet gave him a purple heart tag with his name on it and a certificate for "Bravery in Surgery".
2. We all cried when we saw that tag.
3. The sight of my kids holding concerned vigil at his side...not asked, not bribed, not guilted.
4. Someone was always touching him, the way he does us when he wants attention.  And his incisions are gnarly, and shaved, and sutured, and stapled.  Like so many staples, I can't believe the magnets have flown off the fridge...
5. And God called me to a love for this little creature that I had no idea of until I under-analyzed.

And just like humans, sometimes we appear "normal" on the outside, but there is some serious stuff going on on the inside.  Whether matters of emotion, or physical quick-growing stand-still moments.  I am doing my best not to over-analyze what we might hear in about a week...I want to enjoy the fact that God has given us charge over His little creature and without a doubt, we have and will continue to love him and will brag about the wicked-cool scars on his "groin".

THIS

Just a year and three days ago, we said good-bye to my Gram.  My husband and I were talking about where we were this time last year in regards to our kid's basketball and wrestling schedules...and I asked him "where was I, I don't remember that?".  And then I said, this was the week of the service, of saying "see you again someday", of penning words that would rejoice in a life lived.

Speaking at her funeral was, is, and will remain one of the highest pressures and biggest honors of my life.  A year ago "this" became a word that would bring great clarity to my life.  A word that was just a word, until God spoke it on my heart, and commands it to this day when I most need it.

As I got in my car and drove the hour and a half drive to the hospital, praying, preparing for a move to hospice care, "this" verse came to me loud and clear.  And I scrambled, while driving, to pull my journal and a pen out of my purse.  I opened up my notebook to then next clean page, and with one hand on the wheel, and the other on my ink pen, I wrote:  THIS is my day, no matter what happens, your gram is my child, THIS day is mine.  Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it.

I had bought a book in the hospital gift shop at the beginning of "this" the last week of her time here on earth.  And as I turned the page that Saturday after writing and driving and saying good-bye...THIS was the verse, Psalm 118:24.  I kid you not, you can come to my house and see what I wrote, my notes, the dates, the scripture.  He speaks to us when we don't even realize we need speaking to...

This past September as we approached my mom's first birthday without her mom, it was weighing on me as I walked into a local shop to look for a gift.  And as I turned the first corner, I spot this canvas with Psalm 118:24 on it and with a lump in my throat and tears flooding my eyes I knew that THIS was the gift.  I had to give it to my mom one-on-one because it was something I couldn't give without crying.  Good tears that knew THIS was a sign and gift not only from me, but from God and Gram as well.

And as I opened my birthday card from mom in November...THIS notepad fell out with Psalm 118:24 at the bottom. 

And as I struggled to find something to share with you THIS week (because I put immense pressure on myself to be profound, inspiring, and beautiful), THIS verse comes across one of my blogs that I read each morning:  www.dailyjot.com - and he tells of THIS verse keeping his wife going in the midst of illness.

To me THIS has become a word that describes a descriptive, unwavering, comforting call to be in the moment and the path to choose:

THIS day - Psalm 118:24
Not of THIS world - John 18:36
THIS place of undeserved privilege - Romans 5:2
The Lord gave me THIS message - Jeremiah 1:4
THIS is the first and greatest commandment - Matthew 22:38
He brought us to THIS place - Deuteronomy 26:9
See THIS pile of stones - Genesis 31:51
Because of THIS oath - Hebrews 7:22
Stand near me on THIS rock - Exodus 18:17
THIS is my son, my Chosen One, Listen to Him - Luke 9:35
and many more...just type THIS into your bible search engine...

A year ago THIS became a word that stops me in my tracks, makes my skin tingle, and calls me to attention.  When God breathes THIS into my day, He is telling me, there is no other option, there is no other perspective, that His will lies in THIS reality...these are the facts.

THIS past year has been one of new courage for me.  I spoke at my gram's funeral, I began to "Fill the Pulpit" (preach is a heavy word for me) at church, I began a blog, I wrote an essay for a book, I took on a leadership role at the State level for one of my groups.  I am stepping out in faith because THIS is what God calls me, all of us to do.  To rely on His bravery, His words, His will...

He's totally got THIS!