While I'm Waiting...

John Waller has a Song titled “While I’m Waiting”, and because I can’t sing, and you shouldn't even try to envision that, picture me dramatically reading the main lyrics to you:  I’m waiting.  I’m waiting on you, Lord and I am Hopeful.  I’m waiting on you Lord though it is painful.  But patiently I will wait, I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience.  I will serve you Lord while I am waiting.  I will not faint, I’ll be running the race even while I wait.

This song is about actively waiting:  Waiting is hopeful, painful, moving ahead, taking obedient steps, serving, not fainting, and running the race.  All while we wait.   

The word “wait” in and of  its self makes us think of doctor’s offices, long lines at the amusement part, calls to customer service, sending off results from your visit to the doctor’s office, sitting down at a nice, packed, popular restaurant, booking a vacation months out, glancing at the clock on a workday and hoping it says 5:00.  As I read the headlines each morning or watch the news, I find myself praying “Come Lord Jesus”.  That is our ultimate wait isn’t it?  Today I want to highlight a few things we can do while we actively wait: 

1. Trust in the Lord
Psalm 37:3-7 tells us:  Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass…Rest in the Lord and wait patiently on Him.

Trust encompasses a wait.  God is lining up all the players in your life just as He needs them to be and when the moment is right, He will initiate the victory lap.  We tend to get rest-less rather than rest-full.  Our lives today are so busy, we feel like we are forgetting something or we are lazy if we don't have at least 16 hours of the day completely overbooked and overflowing.  Rest your mind and body and trust in what He has planned for you. 

 

2. Build Dependence on the Lord
In a Blog, Daughter by Design (emphasis is mine, it speaks to me, I share):

He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years.  Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years.  Abraham without a child for 100 years.  David on the run for 15 years.  And maybe He is keeping you right where you are for the same reason he kept these men for so many years:  To build your faith.  To build your dependence on Him when you are empty.  To see if He is truly all you desire and all you need.  To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are stuck in the background somewhere, doing something seemingly insignificant for Him.  To build your trust in the storm and through the battle.  Sometimes the waiting period of our lives is the most important time in our lives.  This waiting time is the time to build spiritual muscle.  To grow in faith.  To learn to depend on Him.  If He is making you wait, there is a good reason.  You will have a greater testimony when He waits to help you be an overcomer tomorrow.  He made some of the greatest men of faith wait, and He came through for them, just as He will come through for you.

And I am in awe of the eloquence of this simple statement by Elisabeth Elliot "Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty.  To carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon our thoughts".

 

I have learned that to depend on God is by far the best choice when we are empty, when we are in the background, when we feel insignificant, when we bear the very heavy cup of uncertainty and unanswered questions.  That is when God is doing the waiting...on us.  He is just patiently waiting for us to get our act together.  And as busy as we all think we are and pretend to be, we sure waste a lot of time by trying to do it ourselves and not depending on Him throughout our exhaustive days.

 

God is waiting... Joel 2:12-13 MSG – It is not too late – God’s personal message.  Come back to me and really mean it!  Come fasting, come weeping, sorry for your sins.  Change your life, not just your clothes.  Come back to God, your God, and here is why.  God is kind and merciful.  He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot.  This most patient God, extravagant in love, always ready to cancel catastrophe.

God wants everyone to turn to him, wants no one left behind 1 Timothy 2:4  Who desires ALL men to be saved and to come to knowledge of the truth.  God has a heart to save us.  He never waivers – what varies is whether we are resting, trusting, depending, listening or not.

 

3. Mount Up 
We are called to be bold!  Jesus calls us to get uncomfortable and to live a life of risk and adventure in His name.  And it is really hard for us because we want the credit for doing it.  We want to say "Look at me!  Did you see that thing I did?  Man, that took courage but I did it!".  Loyalty is proven when it is inconvenient.  God will give us the means to walk his path, but we have to do the walking because it brings joy to us and in return Christ, not because we seek Kudos at the end of the day. Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the favor of men or of God?  Or am I striving to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.

God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called (I have seen this five million times and have no idea who said it, but it has been said.  Okay, more like four million times).  That means in order to qualify us, he is going to have to prepare us, and preparation usually means we have work to do before we can carry out His great commission.        

Trust in His timing. Rely on His promises. Wait for His answers. Believe in His miracles. Rejoice in His goodness.  Rest in His presence. 

Is 40:31 – But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

 

Psalm 27:14  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. 

 

You want to really spend time in the bible?  Download the Bible App at YouVersion.com and search "wait".  You will get so lost in all the scripture that you will forget all those other hours you had packed in to your schedule...

Watch God work in His ways. Ask God about His purposes. Invite God to work on your heart. Trust God to fulfill His plans.  Waiting on God doesn’t mean we are doing nothing.  It’s about allowing God to do His thing.  - Elisa Pulliam

If you have been to our women's bible study (from this point forward WBS because I can), we talk about word vomit, and I feel like that is what I have messily accomplished here today - it is a little chunky and not completely sure that I chewed it all before I swallowed it.  I know from recent devotions, and WBS conversation, it is time to trust in Him and be willing to mount up when it is time to ride.  Can't hardly wait for God to do his "thang"! 

Driving Through God's Lessons

Spiritually, I feel like I have been stuck in neutral/on cruise control for awhile now, and I am THANKFUL for that and praise God for life just getting to be life with no speed bumps for a brief moment.  My Women's Bible Study group has been studying Sermon on the Mount:  Living for God's Kingdom by Miles Custis and it appears that this book is just what I need to put things back into forward motion, even though I have had to hit the breaks and take a harsh look at how I approach a few intersections. 

A little road (heart) construction that I have had to slow down for on this current trip:

1.  I struggle with mean people.  It is hard to be pure in heart, a peacemaker, and extend mercy to people that are just not very nice.  I am not good at it.  AT ALL.  Our group noted that there is a difference between being a "peacemaker" and a "peacekeeper".  Sometimes all we need to do is extend the love of God and address a situation with a kind-heart from both perspectives.  How the situation is handled by someone else, is their choice.  It is their choice to forgive, to operate out of kindness, or it is their choice to over-think it and hang on to the animosity and hurt.

God kicked this contemplation into first-gear in one of my devotionals later that week:  Some believers wear themselves out trying to make the Word of God pass.  That is not our job!  Our job is not to make things happen.  Our job is to let the Word abide in us.  Our job is to abide in Jesus; to replace our own thoughts with His thoughts - to speak and act in line with His word. 

2. Love one another (your neighbor and your enemy).  Our group talked about this simple commandment.  So easy, yet so hard at the exact same time.  If every single one of us lived each day out of love, there would be no need for laws.  There would be no murder, adultery, thievery...because if you love someone, you would never do those things.  The law also gives us a baseline to pass judgment.  We think we are above someone if we are abiding in the law while they are recklessly abandoning the law.  Our study tells us that "Jesus cares less about the specific written laws and more about our hearts and how we treat one another". 

Your enemies and persecutors have similar agendas, and that is 'to discredit you'.  They do not operate out of love and boy-oh-boy do they need out prayers.  And have you ever noticed, that they tend to hang out with like-minds?  But we can do the same thing - moving into second-gear from my devotional that week:  We can't fellowship with the world and live like an overcomer.  We get strength from one another, but we also get weakness from one another.  To grow strong, we have to find others who are strong (stronger than us is preferable!) in the Lord. 

My struggle here is showing love to people who sometimes aren't that loveable.  I have to pray hard for God to clear my mind of the frustration and irritation and allow me to offer up a sincere prayer for them.  Sometimes that is all we can do is pray for them and wait patiently while God works on their hearts and softens ours.  And honestly, I could throw a terrible-two's tantrum right here "I don't wanna", "I caaaaan't dooo iiiit", "it's haaaard", "whhhhyyyy???".  If you have kids, you totally want to jerk me up by the arm right now and pop me on the butt.  Don't think that God doesn't want to do that to us too when we fight showing love to someone when love is what they need the most.  And yet God sets the example and loves us, even when we aren't very loveable...

3. Loving others as you love yourself.  For starters, you have to love yourself.  Christ lives in each and every one of us, so to love Him is to love ourselves/others and vice versa.  We should talk to ourselves and others as if we are talking to Christ.

Matt 5:48 (MSG)  You are kingdom subjects.  Now live like it!  Live out your God-created identity.  Generously and graciously toward others. 

And third-gear on the devotional highway:  Jesus did not walk around meeting the needs of everyone he met, he sought out those of Faith.  Faith and receiving are intimately connected.  God has provided, but you have to receive it.

Just as first-gear put it, it is not our job to make it all work.  We extend the Word of God and we seek out those who are ready to receive.  If someone is not ready to join the faith walk, no matter what you say or do, you will not make them understand the road you are on in your journey.  It is up to God to lift their visor. 

4. What we think should be our comfort zone isn't all that comfortable sometimes.  Growing up in a small town, and currently living in a small town, I return to this verse frequently when I am sad or frustrated:

Mark 6:4-6 (MSG) Jesus told them, “A prophet has little honor in his hometown, among his relatives, on the streets he played in as a child.” Jesus wasn’t able to do much of anything there—he laid hands on a few sick people and healed them, that’s all. He couldn’t get over their stubbornness. He left and made a circuit of the other villages, teaching.

Mark 6:4-6 (NASB) Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household." 5And He could do no miracle there except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. 6And He wondered at their unbelief. And He was going around the villages teaching.

Um...if Jesus couldn't make everyone believe, then that is a tall order to put on ourselves!  I like the subtle differences in the versions here.  It is hard for us to rise above our past with people in our hometown, with our own relatives, with childhood friends.  People are stubborn and will not believe you.  And often, we have to go outside of where we currently are to make the greatest impact. 

I have struggled (full of fear is more like it!) to share my testimony locally because I am not sure I can break through what people think they know about my story (nor will I be able to make it through without ugly crying).  But I have prayed about it and I have to put it out there.  It is not up to me what others choose to believe or not believe, that is up to God. I only need to pack some tissues...

We can not allow ourselves to stall out waiting for someone else to get in the car.  It only discourages us and provides a window of self-doubt for us to escape out of.  Do what He commands us to do, let Him sort out the detours, the drop-offs, and the ride-alongs.  God didn't promise that the road would be quiet and straight - the ups and downs, twists and turns, and middle-of-no-wheres are what make the final destination all the sweeter.  Enjoy the smooth stretches, but be prepared for the real ride!

Always a Valid Cliche: The Truth Hurts

Some of you may have read that I did the four-year required renewal of ye ole' driver license this week and the resulting pic was most certainly not the same mental pic that my bathroom mirror sent me out into the world with that same morning.    The sweet owner of the Tag Agency even let me RETAKE the pic - Haha!  Somewhere between awesome hair day and the 1-2-3 click of the camera, I apparently got stung by a bee.  Either that or I got caught red-handed smuggling acorns in my cheeks for the impending winter of 2015!?  And to my sweet Bible Study Sista Michelle...I can now relate to what "Meh" feels like...

Later that day, I drove to the lady doctor for my annual exam...I made the appointment a year ago, so please note that I did not plan this day, the day completely planned me.  As I stepped on the dreaded scales,  I became painfully aware that they had totally conspired against me with the camera at the Tag Agency!  They were (falsely) confirming that I had indeed NOT been stung by a bee, nor was there any sign of squirrel-like activity...How's that for a Monday?   And when the doctor asked how it was going, "just keeping it real" was both the truth and worthy of an OB/GYN chuckle.

John 8:32 tells us that "you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free".

I also saw a quote by Gloria Steinem on my step-mom's Facebook wall this week that said "The truth will set you free, but first it will p*ss you off".  (Sorry for the language, but I am truthfully quoting).

And I think both John and Gloria are 'keeping it real'.  I was not happy with the Driver License pic nor was I with the number on the scale.  But as I let both of those speed bumps play out in the highway of my mind, I realized - you know what? I was okay with me when I woke up this morning, and even with these new truths, I am okay with me as I call it a day - The truth set me free. 

I realized that our truths are sometimes distorted.  We enjoy looking in the mirrors of life and seeing only what we want to see.  So when the reality of our truth is clinking the scale a little farther to the right, and a little farther, it hurts.  And then...I turned on the news.  What is the truth anymore for our society?  How do we know that what we see or read is what we should believe?  We talked about this last week in our Women's Bible Study group.  We read, and forward, and like, and favorite, and we are simply perpetuating the story, but have we taken the time to research if we are on the side of truth before we hit send?  My profile picture on some of my social media sites is one I can live with (why can't I put it on my license?) but the daily reality is that I look like I got stung by a bee, forgot to drink my four cups of coffee, and that my flatiron is on the fritz.  We put out there what we want people to see.  WE.  We are all guilty...truth hurts.

Back in March my "You Are Making Me Crazy" devotional said the following (summarized):  Human nature wants to be liked, so we compromise, divert, punt, and leave out the truth...We have grown to rely on some common 'Cop-Outs' "I'll leave that up to God" or "Everybody has to make up their own mind".  One day you will give an account before God.  We need to change what we say, what we do, and who we impress.  Do we want to disappoint God by what we just said or did?  Or are we worried about disappointing a person?  Jesus did not deny us on the cross, He didn't back down!  He died for me, saved me, forgave me.  Integrity is more important than popularity.  Tell the truth and let the chips fall.

So here are my chips:
1. My license says I weigh 110#...which I did...in November of 1992.  That is the truth. 
2. I most definitely did not weigh 110#...in June 2015.  That is the truth. 
3. I will not tell you what it should say.  Truth.
4. I am not at a place in my life that it is convenient for me to work out two or more hours a day.  Now, I could sacrifice a few things here and there and make time...if I wanted to, but alas, my ambition fails me.  That is the truth.
5. I really like food and adult beverages (in moderation of course).  I try to be good for the most part, but my will-power is about as big as that organ donor box on my Driver License.  Truth.
6. I want to impress God by loving every pound of who He made me to be, not strive to be a size 4 that society embraces regularly.  Both are truths for me, but the struggle 'keeps it real'.

Titus 2:7-8 in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us. 

Truth is a lifestyle.  Are we living lives that conscientiously mean to do only right?  Do we act in agreement with the truth?  If something someone says to you (or a photo reveals to you!) hurts, maybe we should remove ourselves from the situation and figure out why it hurts.  Operate out of Titus 2:7-8 rather than heat-of-the-moment captured on a cell phone and uploaded to YouTube.  The example here is that I could have went all "red-head" on my doctor about how wonky his scales were and demand a do-over because in my mind that number was blown completely out of proportion.  But, the truth is, the second opinion, would have revealed a painfully close if not the exact same number.  So I chose to be dignified and make him laugh.  And while this is a 0.1111 on a scale of 1-10 of what is happening in our society, we can set the example in every aspect of our lives, great or small.  The truth is always the truth, no matter what reflection is staring back at us. 

So here's to a new pic on my Driver License, a clean-bill of health for another year, and raising a glass to Titus!  May God bless you with the ability to discern, embrace, and live out new truths!

Turning Your Nouns into Verbs

One of my favorite chapters in The Shack by Wm. Paul Young is #14 - 'Verbs and Other Freedoms'.  Today we are going to look at the seemingly harmless word Expectation.  Young says:

Before your words became nouns, they were words, nouns with movement and experience buried inside of them; the ability to respond and expectancy.  My words are alive and dynamic - full of life and possibility; yours are dead, full of law and fear of judgment...

...If you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship.  When we see each other after being apart, there is expectancy of being together, laughing, and talking.  The expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic...everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else.  But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation' - spoken or unspoken?  Suddenly, the law has entered into our relationship.  You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations...It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend.

 I still read that and say WOW!  I can look back at most of the disappointing times in my life and realize that instead of using my verb, I became firmly grounded in my noun.  Moving from expectancy (anticipation, excitement, unknown adventure) to expectation (THIS is how it will end, THIS is how I will feel, THIS is how people will respond).  And it is equally applied to all the amazing memories my heart can hold - when there were no plans (OCD, Type A, Organizer

Extraordinaire) or perceived outcomes (Going with the flow - I can do this, I can do this) - and it turned out to be better than I could ever have imagined!

When I logged into YouVersion and searched Expectation, I found myself reading through two pages of verses, both Old and New Testaments (NASB) talk about that pesky little noun:

*Job 30:26 - When I expected good, then evil came;
*Job 41:9 - Behold, your expectation is false;
*Isaiah 5:4 - "What more was there to do for My vineyard that I have not done in it? Why, when I expected it to produce good grapes did it produce worthless ones?
*Isaiah 64:3 - When You did awesome things which we did not expect, You came down, the mountains quaked at Your presence (Love the word 'awesome', love the magnitude of Him exceeding expectations - I am fond of this one!)
*Matthew 24:50 - the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour which he does not know,
*Luke 6:34, 35 - If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount.  But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.
*Acts 3:5 - And he began to give them is attention, expecting to receive something from them.
*Acts 28:6 - But they were expecting that he was about to swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But after they had waited a long time and had seen nothing unusual happen to him, they changed their minds and began to say that he was a god.
*2 Corinthians 8:5 - and this, not as we had expected, but they first gave themselves to the Lord and to us by the will of God.
*James 1:7 - For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord.

So when we put an expectation on something, we are presuming its inevitability.  We are assigning a fixed outcome, to something that has yet to be settled, and depending on the ending, it will either meet, ecstatically exceed, or fall dangerously low of our noun.  I place expectations on a daily basis, and I do it so habitually, that I don't even realize what I am doing:  I expect my alarm to go off, I expect to have a hot shower, I expect Blake to take out the trash, I expect Mallory to feed the dog, I expect to arrive safely to and from work, I expect everyone in my life to get through the day injury/illness free.  And in all honestly, I get a little put-out when those expectations do not go as planned.  But other things are a real treat when I don't have any expectation of the task:  Blake cleaning his room (rare treat), Glenn offering to cook, Mallory making cookies or unloading the dishwasher, someone offering to pay for my gas, a free lunch when an establishment doesn't meet their own expectations, let alone ours. 

Every time (okay maybe every is an exaggeration) that I am disappointed in the ending, I stop and ask myself did I place a noun or a verb on that.  If I placed the noun on it, I can only be upset with myself.  I can not be upset with something/someone that had no idea what the expectation was and therefore had no idea what they were supposed to be doing/saying in order to make me happy.  Ouch - Expectation is a wee-bit selfish!  Spoken expectations can cause pressure, Unspoken ones can hurt.

Same goes when I can't meet the expectations of others.  It leaves me feeling like I have disappointed them or I am not valued.  An example of this would be an employer.  Every year there is an annual review where performance is evaluated on the expectations of the position.  And so you do all you can to meet or exceed those expectations (who has two thumbs and is an over-achiever? This girl!) throughout the year only to find out at the next year's review that the criteria was changed.  No one told you the about the changes, but you did not meet the expectations of the new criteria.  My family has experienced that and it is disheartening to say the least.  It can destroy self-esteem and murder morale.  Glenn calls it 'dangling the carrot'.  Always being enticed, but never able to grab it. 

And Young says later in Chapter 14:

Responsibilities and expectations are the basis of guilt and shame and judgment, and they provide the essential framework that promotes performance as the basis for identity and value.  You know well what it is like not to live up to someone's expectations.

I Take comfort in the reality that God only uses the verb with us.  He knows every hair on our heads, so why would he need to put a noun on us if already knows everything there is to know about us?  God rejoices when we rise and He looks forward to the day with EXPECTANCY of all the ways in which we will grow our relationship with Him.  It is exciting for Him when we pray, when we worship and study the bible with others, when we lift our voices in song to Him (albeit a tone-deaf one).  He doesn't expect it out of us, after all he knows we are simply human, but eagerly awaits in anticipation for all the moments throughout the day that we will choose to lean on Him, to acknowledge that we need Him, to trust Him to the fullest extent of our sinful being.  In the book of Job, I think Satan expected things to go waaaayyy different.  But Job was honest with God and waited with expectancy for God's plan and God's rewards were far greater than Job could have ever envisioned or fancied for himself.  This book is about a conversation, about the expectancy of being together an talking it through.

The Shack is a fictional work about several conversations, but that does not negate it from having valuable perspective..."God is a verb"...the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross brought Expectancy to all generations.  May we learn to allow Christ to work in our lives with giddy expectancy of all He has planned for us rather than expecting Him to check 'Exceeds Expectations' on our annual review.  Nouns are about finality, verbs are about action. 

Make EXPECTANCY! a mindless part of your conversation today!

Mustering the Courage to Shine

The United Methodist Church in Oklahoma held its Annual Conference this week, which allowed me the opportunity to speak at our Wednesday night CONNECT service.  The theme of the night was Shining our Light and Exposing the Darkness.  This message was actually one of the first ones I had begun to write over a year ago.  I could never quite finish it and never really had the warm fuzzy feeling that it was going to have this overwhelming impact.  But God knew.  He knew just the right time that it would be needed, not just for me, but also for the people sitting in our room last night.  So here are a few resources that influenced me to pull it all together (physically, emotionally, in writing) and will hopefully let you know:  that you are never alone, fear is not unique, nor is it picky or very far away, and we are all capable of Shining!

1. I follow several blogs and Grace Uncommon had a title that caught my eye, 'When Fear has you stopped:  Shining your light in a dark world'.  And she says it is not hard to grow weary.  Attacks are usually aimed at our weaknesses.  There is a feeling of defeat (raising my hand) and a lure to stop fighting (hand still raised - raise it high!).  The fear is real – for safety, security, comfort and peace.  Fear of being vulnerable, imperfect, of failure and grief.  Fear lures us to stop, to give up and quit.  We need to boldly rise and shine our light, for each of us has been given a gift for such a time as this.  2 Corinthians 4:8-9 tells us that we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed.  Perplexed, but not in despair.   Persecuted, but not abandoned.  Struck down, but not destroyed.   

We don’t need to be fearless to be brave, we just need to stand up and be brave anyway!

2. What I have experienced in my own life, and what God has opened my eyes to is that this is a stark reality for so many people - darkness, despair, hurt.  Holly Gerth writes in her blog INcourage Me, not EN, but IN –I just love that!?  She says “it is okay to be broken… it is okay to hurt”.  And you know why?  Colossians 1:17 says “God holds all things together”.  It is not in our job description to hold it together all the time, but IT IS in God’s.  It is okay to have hard days, to cry, to be concerned about the future – but NONE of it is too big for God.  Matthew 11:28, come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  She nails it in her blog – Trying to be perfect is exhausting!  Ignoring the hurt drives it deeper! Pretending our pain isn’t real only makes it yell louder to get our attention!  Be broken.  God really wants to hold you together.

3. Johnathan Cahn writes in his May article for Charisma Magazine:  Elijah was engaged with the nation and culture surrounding him.  He was a light shining in its darkness.  We must be the same.  No matter what age we live in and no matter what the state of its culture, our calling to be the light of the world remains.  The light doesn’t ignore the darkness.  The light doesn’t pretend that the darkness isn’t really that dark.  It doesn’t tone down its light to be politically correct or not to offend.  It doesn’t hide its radiance in fear of persecution.  Nor is it content to live a self-absorbed existence focusing on itself and its own prosperity.  If it does any of these things, then it ceases being the light.  What does the light do?  It shines.  It lights up the darkness.  It changes the world around it.  And I absolutely love this part:  How can we make a difference if we are afraid of being different?

As He works in my life, which is still crowded with fear, and cracked, and broken, I know that it is vital to keep throwing my legs over the side of the bed, no matter how strong the pull to curl back up under the covers.  Too often we become consumed with sitting in the shadows, and we bargain with God, we dare Him to show Himself, to make Himself tangible - then it would be uncomplicated to believe.  I think this is one of the hardest tasks we can ever challenge ourselves to...to deliberately work daily to completely believe that even though we do not see Him, He is there.  When it is dark at night and you look out your back door, you have a hard time seeing your patio.  That doesn’t mean your patio is suddenly absent.  You just have to flip on the light.  Just because we can’t visibly see God with earthly eyes, doesn’t mean that His Word isn’t having an effect on our lives.  The only thing that changes when you turn on the light…is YOU - YOUR perspective. 

John 20:29 Jesus said to him, "Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed."

Whether your light switch is on or off, He is the same - yesterday, today, tomorrow.  What changes is how you grasp Him.  What are we here for if not to confidently stand in the middle of this dark world and if for nothing else, to shine our light boldly in the midst of brokenness and fear? You never know who is going to need it...I was thanked last night by a widow who had been the caretaker of her husband, someone who had been through multiple surgeries and was struggling to just have a "normal day", someone who had lost a child, a person who had struggled with perfection and appearances, parents letting their youngest leave home and write his own story...we all have that fear that maybe God took a vacation day when the reality is that He holds the fort down 24/7.   

Whatever darkness is threatening today to dim your light, may you find your faith bigger than your fear so that you may be brave, be different, swing your feet over, and SHINE. 

Real People Do Not Fit in Boxes

I have been approached a few times, after 'filling the pulpit', sharing my testimony, or speaking at an event with the question "have you ever thought about becoming a preacher?".  And my delivery always contains a smile and a giggle as I share the same initial answer...Uhhhhh, No.  To say I haven't thought about it ever is not entirely true, because every time that I am asked, I do have to take .33333 of a second and ponder it, roll it around in my head and my heart, but God firmly leads me, continually, to 'No'. 

A portion of my 'No' is due to the judgement people can place on that title, and consequently the fear of being put into a box with immovable sides and sharp corners.  And since I am still in the early phases of this journey, I can admit that I am nevertheless affected when people judge me.  In spite of this, I am in a position where I no longer dwell on it and spend unworthy amounts of time trying to figure out how to make them see/understand the 'real me', and I may have been to known to pour a tall glass of wine and say a few choice words as I try to work through the 'how dare they?!'.

I do my best to explain the 'Uhhhhh, No' with the fact that I wholeheartedly feel called to just be a real person.  A real person who can read her bible, lead a public prayer, attend/lead bible study, fill the pulpit, completely commit to praying for you  (whether or not you ask me to)....while still doing things that everyday people do...while still being totally in love with God, because He is so super awesome!  Jesus is saying that He wants to use me right now with all my flaws, with all my compassion, with all my unknowns.  For whatever reason, He wants to use me because of what I have gone through in the past, to give courage to someone in my future who is facing what they feel is an insurmountable struggle and they are not sure if God is there anymore.  He needs me to be His hands and feet, not walls and corners.  Do not put me in a box, because I will totally go major-network-nightly-news-lead-story on you.  Too.  Much.  Pressure.

Acts 26:29 And Paul said, "I would wish to God, that whether in a short or long time, not only you, but also all who hear me this day, might become such as I am, except for these chains."

I love that the header for Acts, Chapter 26 (NASB) is "I Couldn't Just Walk Away".  Saul had every intention to speak against the word of God, to disprove it, when He encountered Jesus and was encouraged to see the light.  And I don't think Paul was walking casually to Damascus, I picture it as an Imperial March, forceful, deliberate...and then here is Jesus telling Paul that He has other plans for him.  And Paul could no longer deny it and walk away like nothing had happened.  And Paul begins to live "such as I am".  He doesn't deny that he had it all wrong, he owns it and uses his past to propel him forward and share God's message, and he knows that God can work quickly or draw it out until the perfect time.  Learning as he went, no perfection, new territory, completely out-of-the box living.

I have landed at a point in my life, and for the most part, I know who I am.  And I am not bragging, I just want you to know, that I really am nice.  If I know you, I am going to say Hi to you and probably wave, and maybe even give you a hug.  That is wholly who I am, whether you believe it or not (Now, if you have been a turd to me somewhere along the road, it may not be an overly enthusiastic Hi and prooobablyyy nooot gonna get a hug, but chances are strong that I will still acknowledge that I know you in public).  I was at a convention this past weekend, where I got to see ladies that I only see this one time a year.  When that happens we smile and hug and then laugh as we look at each other's name tag and ask "What was your name again?  Where are you from?"...To be authentic, to acknowledge that we are connected in some way, to absolutely embrace that I forgot your name, but I know you and love you anyways...I adore it. 

So in the spirit of connecting and keeping it real:

No one in my family puts the new roll of toilet paper back on the dispenser, not even me...
Not sure about sister, but pretty sure the rest of us all blow our noses in the shower...
Right now, there are about six squished June Bugs on my floors, and no one will pick them up...
Do not, I repeat, do not look behind/under/within my couch...
When we make brownies at our house, we get out ONE fork, it stays in the dish, and the whole batch sporadically disappears...
I don't think I am alone when I say - sometimes I take a swig straight from the milk jug...
When I work in the yard, I sweat in embarrassing places...
I have suffered from Post-Partum Depression, Depression in general, and Social Anxiety...
I am giddy to be starting a new book, Sermon on the Mount, in our Women's Bible Study group next week...
I have a prayer journal in my purse, because I forget things and you never know when God will need you to write something down...
I had peanut butter, no bread or jelly, just peanut butter for lunch...
Sh*t is a part of my vocabulary, almost free from all others, but that one lingers...
I have an alter-ego when you talk smack on my kids or husband or family (I will cut you off like a past-due bill)...
And I would guess that you have spotted several grammatical, punctuation, etc. errors...

Not perfect, nowhere even close, have not claimed to be...I can own it and believe me, I continually pray about it.  If you want to talk about any of the above items, I can promise you a real and genuine conversation with lots of laughter, and possibly some tears.  If God can use me, I tell you with all sincerity, He can use anyone!

"Such as I am"...it will not fit in a box and there is no need to recycle it...I'm made new!







 

Soap Poisoning and Safe Words

I have experienced several laughing-so-hard-you-cry (or pee) moments over the past week or two and have been trying to figure out how to work them into a message and today as I read through my devotions, it hit me - I have a lot of favorites.

-Last week my daughter decided to make cupcakes.  Not just any cupcakes, made from scratch (okay from a box, but we still had to make them), double chocolate, BUTTERCREAM ESPRESSO icing cupcakes - pardon me while I wipe off the drool.  While she was waiting for the cupcakes to cool, she took a shower and I began working on the infinite task of laundry.  Somewhere in that colossal time frame of about 20 minutes, she frosted the cupcakes?!  As I walked back into the kitchen, she has the icing bowl in the sink and is waiting for the faucet water to get hot enough to wash it out.  Um, excuse me, there is still icing in that bowl - commence GIANT finger sweep to remove said icing from bowl (because we just don't leave perfectly good icing in a bowl in this family).  As I plop that dollop of icing in my mouth, I get a distinct flavor.  Follow me here...it tastes like Mallory's lotion smells.  I am trying to figure out how her freshly showered-slathered in lotion aroma got into the icing bowl.  So with all the talent I can muster, I balance that dollop of BUTTERCREAM ESPRESSO icing on my tongue and ask "did you already put soap in the bowl"?  She looks at me with WIDE eyes and doubles over laughing as I begin to spit into the sink, still trying to balance the icing only on my tongue and not swallow it in my fit of laughter.  Later, as I go outside to feed the dog (and continue to spit), she Tweets "You know your mom loves you when you accidentally feed her soap and she ain't even mad".  Yep, I 'favorited' it.

-A few days later, we are at a 13U baseball game for my son, who plays catcher.  You are no longer allowed to, as a base runner, plow the catcher at home plate on a close play.  However, this does not keep kids/coaches from doing it.  Blake was the recipient of a hard knee to the head due to the base runner sprinting home and "neglecting" to slide.  Our coach went out and started running through several concussion drills (he was fine) and gave him a safe word, Omaha, to remember going forward in case a head wound later presented itself.  Now, my sweet, 13 year-old boy is...BLOND.  And bless his heart, we now have something new to hold over his head when he has a "Blond Moment".  Because every time he gets a little air in his noggin', we ask "(dear God) what is the safe word"?  And I giggle, because 1. He is okay 2. When he doesn't feel like saying Omaha, he says "lovely lady lumps" (13 year-old boy my friends) and 3. It's my favorite.

-One more, from baseball this past weekend.  Not only do I have a 13 year-old son, he plays on a baseball team with 10 other 13 year-old boys.  I have a 15 year-old daughter, who apparently...is hot.  Blake, my son, will dispute this claim and seemingly has zero problem handing out his sister's cell phone number to his partners in crime.  So sitting at team dinner one Friday night, she starts getting texts from random numbers, originating from boys at the end of the table giggling like 10 year-old girls as they text 'Heeeeey'.  Profound, I know.  There was also a picture sent of a hairy leg sent by one of the numbers, not their own leg mind you, but a creepy one off the inter-web...apparently that is how you impress an older woman these days.  The coach starts plugging in the numbers so he can tell her which player is working on "his game".  And as he gets to the fourth number, he realizes...it's his son's number.  He hangs his head and declares "proud parenting moment right there" and follows it with "well, no one is out of his league".  All parents have those moments when you aren't sure if you are suppose to be proud or embarrassed - those are my favorite.

And as I read my devotionals this morning I had a reading from 1 John - I love that book (it's my favorite!).  And then I had a reading from the book of Titus - are kidding?  I love that book (it's my favorite!).  And then here comes readings from Ephesians, Romans, James - really?  I love those books (my favorites!).    To ask me to pick a favorite of the favorites would be impossible for me.  I saw a shirt the other day that said "Jesus loves you, but I am His favorite".  God could never pick a favorite of the favorites, because He loves us all, each smile, each laugh, each joy we find in His word, He loves it, hands down, His favorite!


2 Corinthians 5:17-9  Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.  

God made a way through Christ to make us ALL His favorites.  I have no doubt He looks down and smiles as we laugh while making a new memory, or regards us tenderly as we cherish a recollection from the past.  And I imagine, that he looks down most fondly on the times we embarrass Him, only to come through the moment and make Him proud...the trials that test our very being, that end in glory from Him, through Him, and to Him.  He is our proud Father, relishing each instance that we triumph and treasure.  He doesn't remember the sin, he only takes into account that He sent His son to wipe all that away, and as painful as that was, I think it is one of God's favorites, and it should be ours too.  The ultimate trial, the ultimate sacrifice...made all things new.  Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John...those are my favorites.

My boys will put the safe word into action in June as they travel to play in a tournament in Omaha, and I pray that Blake is not confused by all this!  All kidding aside, what if we all practiced putting our favorites into action?  Aiming to be not just God's favorite, but the favorite of everyone we meet.  Sharing something that will make them smile - A favorite verse, a blessing bag for the homeless, an Espresso Double Chocolate Cupcake, a text of a hairy leg (because sometimes random can be hilarious), a devotional that spoke to your heart, a hug, and maybe most importantly, forgiveness.  Reconcile, make a new beloved memory, make the relationship new.

God calls us to love Him and love one another.  In my opinion, if you want it, when you have lots of favorites, you are on the right path.  When you can't choose because you Love. Them. All. So. Much - man, that is something right there.  So CHEERS to laughter, and triumph, and endless favorites - may you be blessed by the safe word of Christ. ((Hugs)).

**Disclaimer - For two days after the GIANT finger sweep, if I said something a little sillier than usual...Mallory would ask if I had soap poisoning.  Maybe, long-shot here, Blake comes by it honestly.**