A Little Dirt in the Corners

I have mentioned before that God sends us a common theme when he is trying to get us to perk up and take notice.  For me, this week has been all about corners.  God is awesome, because I would have ignored that little word, but He kept sending it waiting on me to sweep it all up into a cohesive thought.

It started the other day when I was sitting with the sweet lady who cleans our church and I was thanking her for what she does, and not just that, but the heart that she does it in.  She is truly working for the Lord each time she runs the vacuum or dusts the pews.  And she said "well thank you, but I always feel like I miss some corners", to which I responded "honey, we all have dirty corners".  I bet any one of you right now could gather a troop of dust bunnies or round up some grit...and that is just in the living room.

Have you ever heard of someone having to stand or sit in the corner when they do something bad? They have to go put there nose in the corner and think about what they have done and how they can make amends or choose differently the next time around.  They are asked to leave their "dirt" in the corner and live a new option from that moment forward.

Mark 6:10-12  “Wherever you go,” he said, “stay in the same house until you leave town.  But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.”  So the disciples went out, telling everyone they met to repent of their sins and turn to God.

 

When you are put in a corner, you can't go straight, you have to make a turn.  And isn't that what repentance is?  To repent, is to turn a corner, to switch direction, to live a new life in Christ.  You hit that corner and you "shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned" a life lived without Christ.  From that perspective, dirty little geometric junctions don't seem so bad...

 

Not that I am trying to enable myself or others to slack on their domestic duties (just kidding, I am totally giving myself an out!), - but why don't we let those earthy little angles serve as a reminder of all that we have been through, and overcome, and sacrificed in order to receive God's lavish grace and abundant forgiveness? 

 

I went to the automatic car wash yesterday and I have a small car and short arms (you can laugh, it's pretty comical), so I had to open the driver side door to reach the payment slot and wash button option.  I was wearing an orange waterfall type vest and when I went to close the door, I failed to notice that the bottom corner of my vest was trapped, hanging out the door.  I noticed just as the monstrous pom-pom washers came cruising by.  So I had to sit patiently and wait out the rest of the "ultimate" wash experience.  When it was over, this little corner of my vest was tri-soaked, hot-waxed, rain-coated, and spot-free rinsed. 

 

And I am so lovingly reminded that God cleans the corners of our lives where we are stuck and just waiting for things to cycle through. 

 

2 Corinthians 5:17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

 

Don't apologize for dirty corners, it means your life is full of activity and choices, and opportunities to take it all in a different direction.  The challenge is trying to decide if you have the energy to clean up the dust, to wait with your nose against the wall and allow God to wash, rinse, and sometimes...repeat. 

Some Walked Away...

These were part of our focus verses last night at Connect Worship:

John 6:64-66  But there are some of you who do not believe.  For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray Him.  And He was saying, "For this reason I have said to you, that no one can come to me, unless it has been granted him by the Father".  As a result of this, many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. 

Holy Cow Y'all!  Did you know that there were way more than 'THE 12' Disciples early on and they decided they couldn't hang with Jesus and left?  The walked away from JESUS!  This brought me to a couple of thoughts 1.  I wonder if they ever looked back and questioned that decision!?! and 2. Okay, I can really let it go if someone doesn't want to be around me or click with who I am...because, um, yeah, people walked away from JESUS! 

It brings me so much comfort because at any given time, I could fill my spare time with the following support groups and I am sure my family could think of many more (titles are of my own whimsical enticement):

1.  For the Love of Internal Organs - Do I Need a Gall Bladder or Not?
2.  How to Live as an Outgoing Introvert with mild OCD, Anxiety, Passion, and Depression
3.  Back Away From the Brownies
4.  Nothing is Wrong, I Just Want to Be Quiet
5.  I LOVE Having Deep Encouraging Conversations About Faith
6.  I Forgive Them, But I Don't Want Them In My Life
7.  Addicted to Inspirational Quotes Anonymous (particularly on Pinterest)
8.  I Mainly Want to Win the Lottery to Do Good In the World (Mostly)
9.  Aspiring Authors and Motivational Speakers
10.  Yes, Yes, I Do Need to Pray More

I am exactly who God made me to be, and some people will be able to accept me the way I am and keep on keeping on with me.  I am an Introvert with a lot of self-confidence, tons of passion and compassion - but I don't want everyone to know.  When I commit to something, I am usually all-in and burn myself out quickly - I am working on this.  I have always been a rooter for the underdog.  When I feel comfortable enough to share something that I am going through with someone, I really NEED them to let me be self-absorbed in that moment - I gotta let it out, then I promise I will move on.  My personality is such, that if I lose trust in you, it takes scaling Mt. Everest to win it back - I can forgive you, but not confide in you. 

 

When we were losing our store a few years ago, I learned so much about people.  The people that walked away stunned me, the (few) people that remained astounded me, and who has come since has taught me the very most about authenticity and unconditional acceptance and friendship - like tearing up thinking about you right this very second.  And just as John wrote above, Jesus knew.  He knew who in His circle believed and could embrace the journey.  And in my life, He knows who I need to attend my support groups with and who will walk away and form their own.  And it is so okay...

 

I am so thankful that Jesus was human.  That everything we go through, He also experienced.  He was judged, abandoned, gossiped about, encouraged to tone-it-down-a-notch, drug back to be with a mass of people when all He wanted was some quiet time, and He walked with Judas when He knew...He knew what Judas would do.  And my lack of gall bladder is nothing compared to His physical pain on the Cross.

I attended a state leadership meeting over the summer that has local community groups all over the nation.  They encouraged us to embrace and spend energy on the people who are attending meetings and activities.  The facilitator asked "Why are you exhausting yourself on people who don't want to be with you?...Grow strong roots with who is there.".  And that can totally be applied to our lives - we have to learn (pray about how) to be okay with who is not here and climb tall trees with those that are.  It is definitely a beautiful adventure with many branches, tire swings, and gentle breezes.

Thank you for walking with me on this journey and humoring support group #7 today!

 

Not Yet the Last First Day of School

So I did not get the traditional back-to-school photo op this morning.  When I grabbed my phone and asked if they were ready for pictures, my sophomore daughter looked over her shoulder at me and rolled her eyes and made that teenage sound "eeeehhhh" and my eighth grade son, dressed in a cut up t-shirt and shorts for athletics, showed me his titties.  So no, no I did not get an angelic picture this morning to mark the occasion. 

I did make myself stop and take a moment to thank God that these two little humans are mine and that this morning is pretty much a perfect representation of who we are and I probably should have taken the picture anyway.  My son told me I could take one after school when he had "nice" clothes on and I am pretty sure my daughter will not be able to resist a selfie today, so I will screenshot it when she is not looking.

I have read a few articles lately about "lasts":  When was the last time I braided her hair?  When was the last time I washed their hair for them?  When was the last time I picked them up and carried them on my hip?  When was the last time I read them a story?  When was the last time I rocked them goodnight?  Some "lasts" seem to fly under the radar and catch us by surprise trying to recall the moment when they snuck right out of our lives.  Other "lasts" we can review in our calendar:  Last day of school; last baseball tournament; last day in braces; last day to pay a bill; last time we attended a meeting.

And just as something ends, something new is allowed to begin.  I have always been fond of this passage from Ecclesiastes.  I will unashamedly admit that it all started with the classic movie Footloose where God used it as the leading argument for a young man new to town who just. wanted. to. DaNcE!  It worked for him and it works for us:  

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-

A time to give birth and a time to die;

A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal;

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate;

A time for war and a time for peace

 

Not only is there a season for everything, God allows those times so that you can learn those lessons and it may be painful, or blissful, or memory-making, or forgetful, but they are meant to be a foundation for greater things, not a mound of dirt to dwell on.  My contribution to The Mom Quilt is about that - life lessons, building a legacy of momentous things (you can hit the 'Buy Now' button over there on the right!).  The things I touch on are hard, and few of you knew that about me, but they have shaped my decisions my entire life.  To weep, embrace, search, be silent, love....sew together. 

 

We may not always remember the last time we washed our babies hair, but thank goodness we taught them to do it on their own...because that...that would totally be awwwkkkward.  And teenage snuggles (especially when it is their choice) rank right up there to nodding off in the rocking chair.  And although we may not read to them like we remember, I am thankful for the village that taught them to read and find the adventure in it.  Each ending, is a further beginning for an added season of independence, of preference, and diversity. 

 

So this morning's time of eye-rolls and 13 year-old man-child nipples will pave the way for our current time - an amazing first day of school and stories to greet me as I walk in the door ...camera ready. 

 

The Mom Quilt - Stories of Motherhood, Hope, and Love

Woo-to-the-Hoo!  It is finally here and this will be the absolute longest day of work in my life until I can get home, reserve my spot on the sofa, grab a glass of wine and my Kindle and some Kleenex, and dive in to some serious mom stories.

The Mom Quilt is a book compilation of different experiences of motherhood...different experiences, but hopefully some so similar that your heart will be moved to laugh, cry, frown, and smile at the ladies holding up a mirror to your soul.  Becky Mansfield, Paula Rollo, and Jodi Durr put out a request for stories, and I have a feeling they have received so much more! 

100% of the profits from this E-Book will go to www.MercyHouseKenya.org (thank you Kristen Welch!) to provide a water well for the Women of Mercy House.  It is E-Book only at this time in order to maximize our efforts and surpass the $40,000 goal set to build the well. 

Our submissions were 1500 to 2000 words and around 60 were published in the E-Book.  Some of you know that my own mother was a young mother of 17 when she had me and I chose to write what a foundation for my future that experience was for me (Check out Page 128).  It is a tall order to make your mom proud, and your daughter, and slowly learning...myself.

My hope is not only that you will purchase the E-Book, but that you consider an extra donation to Mercy House, shop Mercy House, pray for Mercy House, and of course encourage others to do all of the above as well!

I have shared what a chicken I was about this submission and the call from God to obey.  I am humbled and honored to be a part of this project.  May you be blessed by the blessing you are giving of clean water to women in Kenya. 

You can purchase your E-Book at the following link:

 https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?c=cart&i=1445034&cl=298991&ejc=2

Are We Really "Fine"?

Sometimes we say things because it is more of a habit.  We say things that we are accustomed to saying but do not really have any meaning behind what is said.  For example:  Passing someone at the grocery store "Hi, how are you?", "fine, and you?" (said with a smile and never breaking stride).  It is habit.  Are we honestly prepared standing in the middle of the potatoes and onions to commit to how we are "really doing" or to stand with an earnest ear to what may go well beyond "fine"? 

Some of you may know that we are a baseball family - like forfeit nice vacations, void sleeping-in on the weekends, tons of dirt in my washing machine, weekend diet of processed foods, sunflower seeds, and bottled water kind of family.  And every year that we travel with my son's team, we add another baseball family to our family, it keeps growing.  Our solid maple, pine tar on the trunk family tree has many branches.

We had a family join us this weekend that we haven't played with in a couple of years.  And as the weekend came to an end and we parted ways, I said "love you guys".  It just came out, not really as something I say out of habit, and I got a little choked up because...I totally meant it.  I love them.  All four of them.  I love their unpretentious kind hearts, their genuine friendship, their eagerness to help out when the call is made, and their ability to pick up right where the bat was dropped.  

We visited my grandparents a couple of weekends ago, my cousins were in and we all got together for lunch.  And as my grandma called us to eat, we stood in a circle and grasped each others hands and my grandpa began to pray.  And I was overcome with such emotion.  I didn't want to be "that person" that was weeping at a simple prayer over a simple meal prepared by many hands, so I swallowed...hard...that lump in my throat.  Overwhelmed with how much I love that man, how I love to hear him pray, and overcome when asking God "how many more times might I get to hear him pray Lord?".

And why can't I allow myself to be "that person" who has heart-to-hearts while selecting a head of lettuce, who cries when her grandpa prays?  It is habit for me to stand strong and appear "fine".  I want to work on being more of the person that without shame blurts out "love you" and sheds happy tears when someone she loves prays over a meal.  I want to be so moved by God to be who He created me to be with no reservations. My May Insight Devotional says:

Human beings are not designed to walk through the world alone.  We are made for relationship, which God gladly supplies.  We are both independent and interdependent, each needing others in order to function well.  We require support from our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We may feel alone when we are up to bat at the plate, but we have a whole team, a family, standing at the fence cheering us on.  We just have to be willing to watch some balls go by and take a couple of strikes before putting ourselves on base.  There is no such thing as perfection in baseball, or in life.  It takes tremendous courage to put ourselves out there and know that we may "appear to fail" more than 50% of the time. 

Hebrews 3:13  But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "today", so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Satan is a manipulator - he wants us to think that our sacrifices aren't worth it, that we aren't brave in our choices, and sometimes, merely, that everything is "fine".  But when we are around people that encourage us daily, weekendly, familiarly, unassumingly, and humbly...We can love like my boys love baseball, we can watch our friends walk away knowing that that are family, and we can shed happy tears when we pray over our produce. 

May you have an encounter this week that leaves you feeling like you hit one over the fence!  Amen.

Choosing Rest in a Life Full of Distractions

Last night at church I spoke about distractions, and choices, and what we allow to continue in our lives.  We live in a society that tends to determine self-worth by how full our calendars are, how many organizations we are involved in, and how many followers we have on social media.  We tend to get wrapped around doing, being, becoming, presenting, involving, self-promoting...that we rarely enable our little selves an opportunity to rest.  Resting is for people who are lazy, who don't have a social life, who don't have any energy, therefore must have something medically wrong with them and maybe you should see a doctor about that...because oh dear mercy, what if resting is contagious?!  "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

Luke 10:38-42 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord's feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." 

Last week I was a Jonah.  This week I am a Martha.  I love to plan and organize and, hopefully, pull off a successful event, gathering, party, bible-study, etc.  And very much like Martha, I get a little (sometimes a lot) irritated when I don't feel that others pull their weight (that's not on them, that is 100% on me).  I struggle with perfectionism and a pretty healthy dose of social anxiety...at the same time.  So if you will, I love the preparation and the excitement and the anticipation of picking out the right menu, drinks, and paper goods...but when the bell tolls, I struggle with nausea, sweaty armpits, and superficial conversation.  I want to host you, but not necessarily talk to you...and yes, I have tried medication.

And Luke here is giving us a total and absolute free invitation to the party.  QUIT worrying about so many things - Sit at the Lord's feet, CHOOSE the good part, only ONE THING is necessary.  All the fluff and preparation isn't what is important, it is the quality time, the ability to stop and give God/someone/anyone your undivided attention.  And the meaningful conversation.  I do not think Jesus stopped and stayed at Martha's to talk about the weather, what He had for lunch, or the new shoe store on the corner.  We see in this chapter that Jesus has just sent out the seventy disciples, Satan's walls are falling, and we are gifted the story of the Good Samaritan.  Jesus pauses at Martha's to rejoice in the kingdom's successes, to impart a shared mission, to clear the distractions of daily duties and say "rest, we are all in this together, this ONE thing will keep us going". 

ONE thing is all that is needed.  How many things do we fill our days with?  What is pulling us away from the ONE thing that we desperately need weekly, daily, hourly, minutely in our lives?  What keeps us from deliberate time with God? 

I know it sounds silly, but we need to put Him on our calendar.  Consider it a challenge to work Him into your day, maybe after a while we can begin to work our day around Him.  We talked last night about happiness not being on our agenda, true authentic happiness...pencil it in people if that is what it takes.  Sacrifice ten minutes of your morning to start with...I know, I know, I am talking about resting and now I am asking you to wake up ten minutes earlier...or 20?  Ten to wake up and ten for authentic prayer, or maybe that is just me 'cause in the morning, God is probably the only one in my house that wants to talk to me!  Here is a suggestion for each minute:

1.  Thank Him for your health and the health of your family.
2.  Pray for those whose health is not optimal right now.
3.  Thank Him for food in your cabinets and in your fridge.
4.  Pray for those who do not have enough to eat, locally and abroad.
5.  Thank Him for a roof over your head and all the luxuries you are afforded.
6.  Pray for those who do not have adequate shelter or clothing.
7.  Thank Him for his crazy good mercy and undeserved forgiveness.
8.  Pray for your sins..throw them out there.  Admit your distractions and weaknesses.
9.  Praise Him for all His goodness - jobs, friends, family, transportation, freedoms, (coffee) etc.
10. Ask Him where He needs you to go, ask for acceptance of where you are.

You do not even have to talk or force words for the full minute.  Say what you need to say and then sit at His feet quietly before moving on. 

Let's quit being distracted by all things we can't do or get to throughout the day, and start focusing on what we can accomplish.  Let's pencil in happiness and rest and time with God and while we are at it, why don't we check that  box on the calendar that makes it an All Day Event?  Let's stop preparing for conversations and unassumingly CHOOSE the one good thing that can't be taken away...there is no prescription better than that!

**Side note:  While I was trying to type this, I got a call from the hubs that the modem was out on the house.  So I spent 18 minutes on the phone with the provider trying to figure out why.  Also, another loose neighbor dog in the backyard and a call to Animal Control.  A guy at work called looking for a check and the hubs made me laugh so hard, I realized I had to go to the bathroom.  Life happens, oh, life happens.**

**Blog update from last week:  My submission was accepted!!  I am honored, excited, and humbled to be a part of  raising money for www.mercyhousekenya.com through my contribution to their upcoming book.  I look forward to sharing more information on it as publication draws near.**

Specks on Windshields

Every once in awhile I feel like my life is in neutral, like I am not doing enough, but am not sure what I should be doing, and I find myself getting a little restless.  I have been in one of "those moods" lately and this week has been frustrating.  It is not that things are going bad or anything horrible has happened, things have just been a bit annoying, I want things to be chill, people to be respectful, and life to be low-key and it is not my agenda that is playing out. 

I had to catch up on work from being off for a couple of days, which also put me on a payroll day, which is not my specialty.  A challenging person in our lives, continues to hold up their end of the bargain.  A neighbor dog wandered into our yard at 2:00 in the morning and had a great time barking, pooping, and tracking mud all over the new deck for over two hours.  The city workers decided to use our drive way and side yard to access the alley (because apparently taking 10 seconds to drive around the corner is exhausting), and today after I washed my car, like the very second I pulled away from the dryer, bird poop.  Windshield, dead center, two thirds of the way down.  Well played bird, well played.  And it is July in Oklahoma...hot, humid, hot - like ponytail everyday and boycott pants hot.  Oh, and one of the baseball moms just sent me a pic of her beverage overlooking the lake.  Come on!!

I began praying on Monday, "okay God, I have something to learn here, there is something going on and you are lining up things while I sit her and stew, so let me be ready, let me be willing when the time comes for whatever it may be".  And last night at church our speaker started by asking "what has God done in your life this week?" and when only a few people answered, he asked "did you wake up?", "do you have your health?".  He also ended by saying, there is going to be suffering, God didn't send His Son to die on the cross because it felt good.  There is going to be sacrifice.

I joined a closed Facebook group - a group of writers and bloggers - and an opportunity came about for stories on "Motherhood" for a compilation for an upcoming book to raise money for Mercy House.  And as I followed the posts, I thought, these women are amazing, their stories are triumphant, I can't compete for a spot with all they have to share.  So last week, as the deadline approached, and life got busy, I left the group...and then a few days later, there was a post notification.  Somehow, I was back in the group and there my story lay on my heart, and it was heavy, and 100% from God - pushing me to be courageous and participate.  So last week I submitted my story - I don't know yet if it will be a good fit for their goals, but I do know that it is one of the bravest things I felt I have done in as long as I can remember and even now, I am fighting all the reasons they have to kick it out.  Doubts.  Doubts are like poop on the windshield:  Sometimes out of nowhere and right when you are trying to see where you are going.

Today I am feeling a bit like a Jonah.  How God put something on his heart and Jonah went south after God said go north.  And Jonah couldn't deny that he was the reason the water wasn't so smooth.  And Jonah spent a few days in the whale wondering how long it would be until it was over and then he realized he was to acknowledge God with thanksgiving and to be obedient.  And then that poor whale, the one being obedient to God, had to suffer a little and vomit Jonah back onto the shore.  And Jonah begrudgingly did what he was told, but he didn't like it and had doubts about it.  And he told God as much without holding back.  And God gave him shade to get over "his mood", and then the worm ate it.  And Jonah got a little huffy about it again.  And I think it would be awesome if God said "Seriously Jonah, get it together dude". 

The Message puts it like this in Jonah 4:10-11  God said, “What’s this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can’t I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don’t yet know right from wrong...?”

Yep.  Jonah.  I am so up and down sometimes (my family might say all the time).  I have so much to be thankful for, yet I wallow in irritation when it finds friends.  An abundance that never even crossed my brain, heart, or soul to be thankful for and God is growing me anyway and providing in ways that I have "neither planted nor watered". 

I am so glad to be frustrated with payroll because it means I have a job to go to.  Operating on four hours of sleep means 1. I am capable, though probably not too terribly delightful and 2. More Coffee!!  Poop on the windshield means I have a car that is running and has a windshield to be pooped on.  Poop away!  And challenging people provide an opportunity to be kind, and to have a conversation with God, even if it is "Oh Dear Sweet Lord, help me out here.  I don't want to make this worse and I sure don't want to go to jail".  And my friend at the lake?  I will deal with her later...

I have no question that submitting my story was first and foremost about being obedient.  Secondly, I think it was about me realizing that I had been placed in this moment to smooth out my doubts.  Submitting something to my "Nineveh" when I wasn't sure it would be embraced with love and kindness (read: fear of rejection).  The lead authors and fellow writers and bloggers have been gracious, excited, and encouraging.  It is going to be a great book...

So as I wind down, I am pouring my doubts a drink, feeling more at peace and not so anxious.  Sometimes it takes a little speck, and ALOT of God, to say:  Get it together dude!  There is plenty of windshield to see out of!