THIS

Just a year and three days ago, we said good-bye to my Gram.  My husband and I were talking about where we were this time last year in regards to our kid's basketball and wrestling schedules...and I asked him "where was I, I don't remember that?".  And then I said, this was the week of the service, of saying "see you again someday", of penning words that would rejoice in a life lived.

Speaking at her funeral was, is, and will remain one of the highest pressures and biggest honors of my life.  A year ago "this" became a word that would bring great clarity to my life.  A word that was just a word, until God spoke it on my heart, and commands it to this day when I most need it.

As I got in my car and drove the hour and a half drive to the hospital, praying, preparing for a move to hospice care, "this" verse came to me loud and clear.  And I scrambled, while driving, to pull my journal and a pen out of my purse.  I opened up my notebook to then next clean page, and with one hand on the wheel, and the other on my ink pen, I wrote:  THIS is my day, no matter what happens, your gram is my child, THIS day is mine.  Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it.

I had bought a book in the hospital gift shop at the beginning of "this" the last week of her time here on earth.  And as I turned the page that Saturday after writing and driving and saying good-bye...THIS was the verse, Psalm 118:24.  I kid you not, you can come to my house and see what I wrote, my notes, the dates, the scripture.  He speaks to us when we don't even realize we need speaking to...

This past September as we approached my mom's first birthday without her mom, it was weighing on me as I walked into a local shop to look for a gift.  And as I turned the first corner, I spot this canvas with Psalm 118:24 on it and with a lump in my throat and tears flooding my eyes I knew that THIS was the gift.  I had to give it to my mom one-on-one because it was something I couldn't give without crying.  Good tears that knew THIS was a sign and gift not only from me, but from God and Gram as well.

And as I opened my birthday card from mom in November...THIS notepad fell out with Psalm 118:24 at the bottom. 

And as I struggled to find something to share with you THIS week (because I put immense pressure on myself to be profound, inspiring, and beautiful), THIS verse comes across one of my blogs that I read each morning:  www.dailyjot.com - and he tells of THIS verse keeping his wife going in the midst of illness.

To me THIS has become a word that describes a descriptive, unwavering, comforting call to be in the moment and the path to choose:

THIS day - Psalm 118:24
Not of THIS world - John 18:36
THIS place of undeserved privilege - Romans 5:2
The Lord gave me THIS message - Jeremiah 1:4
THIS is the first and greatest commandment - Matthew 22:38
He brought us to THIS place - Deuteronomy 26:9
See THIS pile of stones - Genesis 31:51
Because of THIS oath - Hebrews 7:22
Stand near me on THIS rock - Exodus 18:17
THIS is my son, my Chosen One, Listen to Him - Luke 9:35
and many more...just type THIS into your bible search engine...

A year ago THIS became a word that stops me in my tracks, makes my skin tingle, and calls me to attention.  When God breathes THIS into my day, He is telling me, there is no other option, there is no other perspective, that His will lies in THIS reality...these are the facts.

THIS past year has been one of new courage for me.  I spoke at my gram's funeral, I began to "Fill the Pulpit" (preach is a heavy word for me) at church, I began a blog, I wrote an essay for a book, I took on a leadership role at the State level for one of my groups.  I am stepping out in faith because THIS is what God calls me, all of us to do.  To rely on His bravery, His words, His will...

He's totally got THIS!