Cross the Road Little Squirrel

Well, it is that time of year when life centers around all things thankful, turkey, pumpkin, and lawns full of fallen leaves.  I stand in affirmation that these are all wonderful things that bring families together and fill us with warm fuzzies, but since it has been exactly one month since my last post, I am going to take it in a different direction.

Squirrels.

What God has been working on my stubborn heart, for who knows how long now, is pick a side of the road, do what you need to do to move on - stop hovering in the middle of the road waiting for something large and dramatic to respond to.

The place where I work has been faced with a challenge of sorts.  Not one that anyone there has created or asked for.  Many days we all agree, that the hardest decision is just knowing where to start.  There is so much to address, accomplish, and gather, that is incredible difficult just to begin.  We find ourselves standing on the side of the road we started on, hoping for God to provide the answer, thinking that if we wait long enough, all the traffic of the journey in the middle will clear, and it will be easier to move to the other side.

Then in truly Godly fashion, a devotion lands in my lap that basically says, we are so busy focusing on the answer that we miss all the deep and abiding work He is doing in us along the way.

When we stand on our side of the road, we are being taught acceptance of our situation.  It is during that interlude that God is working the plan, aligning relationships, changing our seasons, and paving the path.  The middle of the road is the hardest work.  If we choose to forge ahead too soon, there are lots of large, quick-moving obstacles that can threaten our success, halt our progress, injure us physically and emotionally.  If we move forward with God in prayer and trust, the road will be paved with people who are watching out for us, who slow down and allow us to make hard decisions, who cringe a little when we come within inches of disaster, and breathe a collective sigh of relief when we make it safely to the other side.

Sometimes that middle road is completely uphill.  Other times it is a deep valley that gets very low before it begins to ascend again.  Still yet, we may get to the other side before we realize that there are four more lanes to go.  It is then that we look back to where we started and realize how incredibly far God has navigated us, it is amazing what we have done and should realize without a doubt, that it was not in our own strength our power.

Luke 10:33-35:  A Samaritan traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man’s condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill—I’ll pay you on my way back.’

One of my favorite lessons from WBS is the story of the Good Samaritan.  We all know it, but this time it affected me in a new way by asking, "what side of the road are you walking on?"  Are we standing where we started, looking only for the answer we want?  Are we avoiding the hard work because it doesn't fit in our schedule or someone might see us helping someone that isn't on the "right path".  Do we take the long way around hoping to avoid the hard work that is in the middle?  Have we passed by deep and abiding opportunities to help others because they aren't like us?  What about the people that God sends to help us?  What are they sacrificing in their obedience to get us across the road to safer travels? Reputation, finances, safety?

The little squirrel gathers and prepares, in anticipation of a long season, but when it comes down to it, hesitates when it is time to commit to moving forward.  I can prepare myself by reading the Bible, doing devotions, and offering up prayer, but when it comes down to it, am I willing to do the hard work to get to the other side?  Sometimes, the hardest decision, is knowing where to start...we humans want the answer before we commit to the work.  And if we could have the quiet country road rather than the eight-lane highway Lord, that would be nice too...

Take a deep breath, look both ways before crossing, count your blessings, and move forward because God, in His strength, has already brought us so very far.  The work will be hard, excruciating at times, but we can't appreciate His peace and rest, if we don't experience the sacrifice it takes to make it safely to the other side.
This song brings me to tears every time I hear it..."or do I go deep, and try to change...they're the choices that made me".

**I am thankful for this journey that I am on.  I have a story, and I am not sure how God will use that, how much more forgiveness or acceptance I have to work on to move forward...but I have a beautiful family, a roof over my head, food in my pantry, and squirrels in my yard.  I love this crazy life**

Letting Go in Order to find a new Hope

Letting go is hard.  Us humans in our fleshy emotional selves, are faced with all kinds of situations that require us to let go in some way:

The death of a loved one.
A relationship that is no longer healthy.
Carbohydrates.
Dreams.
Control.
Size 4.
Grudges.
A sixteen year-old driving down the road, alone, for the first time.
Social Media.

When I was laid off at the end of February, God kept whispering, "be still".  As I drove to see my grandpa that last day, the conversation centered around, "be still".  As I pulled out the gift from my grandma, "be still".  The week after my grandpa passed away, I chose to "be still", as I sat for forty-five minutes and permanently marked another long journey in my testimony of God's goodness and provision.

 Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.

Ephesians 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still.

The Hebrew word for still, centers around letting go and surrendering.  We surrender in order to acknowledge that God is in control.

The Greek word for still, is to "hold peace", rest.  To rest, knowing that God will give us peace.

I have had to let go of a lot more than I could ever have imagined or wanted to these past seven months, some of them unexpected, and some of them long overdue.  Then one day, Justine Brooks Froelker - When Hope Grows Up: Finding Hope in His Plan found its way into my devotional rotation.  She writes (summarized):

...that too often we see hope as a badge or a reprieve when stories of hope are tied to the "happy ending".  We should not just share our highlight reel of victory, but also of struggle, conviction, and perseverance - remembering fosters faith.  Owning our stories, means owning ALL the parts.  Sometimes we have to redefine our hope and let go of a dream.  This doesn't mean that we have given up, that we quit, or that we have chosen without loss...

God will send you the Word you need, the devotion you need, the people you need, at the exact time you need them.  When we are part of something for many, many years, and then life happens, people transition, philosophies start to change and/or new personalities take over...that is often God giving us the opportunity to examine our heart, motives, service, and determination of who/where our hope lies.

I have been contemplating a change for over a year now.  I was stuck a few weeks ago wondering if I had failed to be obedient when God first laid it on my heart, or if He needed me to walk the discernment process...As I prayed over the current situation, I knew it was time to let go, even though that choice would come with some loss.  I texted a brief summary to a friend for affirmation, because two big arrows were pointing at my vulnerable humanity...and asked for some prayers.  She immediately sent back, "guilt is not from the Lord".  Cue the waterworks...

The next day, my new BFF Justine wrote:  Healthier hope comes from learning to practice active acceptance of what we cannot change, balanced with the trust that He holds the end of the story.

It takes trust for us to let go of all the things that worry us, that keep us up at night, that distract from the now.  It took a brief and profound five-day devotional for me to realize that letting go is not giving up, quitting, or selfish.  It is accepting, redefining, and embracing a new version of you.  One that God has provided rest, peace, surrender, and His happy ending for.

Puppy Perspective

Well, hello there!  It has been a few weeks since I have been able to sit "quietly" and jot a few words down.  I am sitting here on a beautiful crisp October morning, a super-fresh cup of dark-roast coffee tempting my nose and delighting my taste-buds and energy button, a 56 pound basset hound at my feet (super warm by the way), and a tiny, rescued, 8-week, 5 pound-ish beagle/basset puppy teaching a rawhide a lesson under my chair.

The last time we had a puppy, was ten years ago.  The kids were also small at that time, we had just moved 90 miles, started new jobs, new school...but by the grace of God did I make it through that season.  I feel like I am a little more tolerant, albeit tired, of puppiness this time around.  Poop, is just that, poop.  I have learned to clean up bigger messes in my life.  Three-thirty a.m. bathroom breaks?  I was honestly, wide-awake anyhow.  You want to battle my maxi-skirt?  I can totally tie it in a knot above my knees until I am ready to head out the door.  "Get a puppy," they said, "it will be fun," they said.

Perspective.

I told a co-worker (so relieved to be able to say that again!) last week:  I think children of God are kind of like puppies.  We are learning and growing everyday.  Sometimes we make it to our destination, and sometimes we poop under our favorite chair (figuratively speaking of course...).  Some days we take in all the nourishment we are fed and offered, other days, we leave a little bit scattered in the corner of the kitchen.  Some mornings we want to sleep at 3:00 in the morning, and others, we sit on the front steps in the dark, cool air and talk to God while a little fur ball does her business.  Puppies can scratch, bite, and shout at you in their little "wookie" bark, and the next moment, they are climbing into your lap to give you cold-nose kisses and burrow into the crook of your arm.  We humans tend to get a little huffy and lash out, realize what we have done, and humbly nuzzle back into the arms of our Master, who can't help but smile, pat us on the head, and fully embrace us.

Obedience.

Every moment is a deliberate, repetitive lesson with a puppy: "no", "outside", "come-on", "don't eat that", "sit", "treat", "ahhhhhhhhh".  You all...God, the Father is working in us, daily, and I know with me, it is the same phrases, over and over:  "pray", "be still", "peace", "forgiveness", "you think you can do better?  Okay, I will be right over here when you are ready."

When I was matching up scripture to the message I wanted to share today, the funniest one came up:
 
Psalm 22:20 Deliver my soul from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dog!

Matthew Henry's commentary says: That he (God) would deliver and save him.  Observe what the jewel is which he is in care for...save him from the terror...save him from corruption.

I am totally chuckling...this little jewel of a puppy in my care...who often we call a "little terror".  But not chuckling...Psalm 22 is speaking of the future death and resurrection of Jesus.

From the book of Matthew, Chapter 6:  Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts (trespasses), as we also have forgiven our debtors (those that trespass against us).  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

As the rescuer and master of this puppy, I am tasked with providing for her:  nourishment, the right way to behave, grace and forgiveness when she simply doesn't, realizing that after two weeks of no accidents, one is bound to happen.  Our family has agreed to meet her needs of food, bedding, shelter, love, and the occasional special treat.

The difference is God promises all those things to us, the Lord's Prayer is a gift of instruction.  He is not capable of faltering...He rescues us and meets our needs (not to be confused with our wants) and the needs of all of God's creatures...in us, through us, and right exactly where we are...three o-clock in the morning, under the tall mulberry tree, is a beautiful place to be.

Rescued.  Perspective.  Obedience.  Get quiet today and discern these three words working in your life. Thank you Father for saving me, for giving me your Word as a map, and for speaking to my heart so that I may do my human best to walk in your ways.  Amen.

from Housemix.com

New Every Morning

So in true fashion of the life that is my life, things have been a wee bit crazy in our world.  As always God is affirming a theme these past couple of weeks..."new".

It started a couple of weeks ago as I left the house for my very first day at my new job.  As I turned out of my little town and headed east, the sunrise was Awe-Mazing.  The sun was just starting to break through the top of the clouds that were a beautiful blue-grey impending storm.  They offered a buffer to the blinding brilliance that usually accompanies that first break of light and enabled the sun to be directly looked at and the color was un.create.able...neonorangesalmoncoralredfushiapink, with a hint of glow.

mythoughtscaptive.blogspot.com

And as the whole horizon came into full view, Phil Wickham's "Your Love Awakens Me" hit the airwaves.  God could not have orchestrated a better gift for me as I set out on my new adventure.

My new job is located on a sprawling estate with walking trails, breathtakingly maintained flower gardens, and its own little lake.  The mission of the organization is Christian based and I was welcomed with cards from staff and a Starbucks gift card from a Board Member...my heart was completely won over.

It was a great first week with the beginning of many new relationships, attempting to learn multiple new names and faces, and a constant sense of peace.  Outside my window is an established white hibiscus tree that is frequented by the occasional hummingbird, which were a favorite of my grandma that passed away in May.

When I pulled into work my first Friday, Phil Wickham was again reminding me that "Your Love Awakens Me" and I really felt God saying, "this is beautiful, and this is for you".  My week began and quasi-ended with this musical reminder...

The next day as my daughter and I drove to see my grandpa, we had a lot of discussion about Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God...mostly in the context of tattoos.  We arrived at his room, and to be honest, it was really rough, the kind of rough that had my heart knowing that this might be the day...if not the very moment.  I did my best to focus on my grandma and ran out to her car for her to grab a coloring book she had purchased a few months back for me.  As I reached in her back seat and opened the bag to make sure I had the right one...the title of the coloring book came into view- "Be Still" - and it was in my favorite color...turquoise.

My phone rang shortly after I walked in the door at home that day and Hospice had indeed confirmed that it was only a matter of hours.  What a blessing to kiss his forehead and hold his hand one more time...and an even bigger blessing that morning as he was welcomed into Heaven, he was able to stop by my dream and give me a grand smile and a warm hand squeeze.  You all...Jesus loves us SO much!  That Sunday I was more moved to tears at the overwhelming love that our Father has for us.  That He would prepare a place for us; that He would allow loved ones that last good-bye; that He has a plan to make each and every one of us completely whole in Him someday.  It blows my mind and heart.

I arrive at work Tuesday to find a candle from my Secret Sister - 'Crisp Morning Air'.  In the card she writes that this candle is to remind me that His Mercies are NEW every day, EACH morning.  I flip over the calendar to September this past Friday after his funeral service and the verse is:

Lamentations 3:22-24 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

As my family figures out a new day without the physical presence of a great man, we are doing so in the presence of God.  He is fully aware of our new.  Our new grief, our new needs, our new progress, our new overwhelming joy in Him, and our desire to seek Him...even through the hard.

I encourage you to step back and fully take in the new He has in store for you this week.  Allow His walk with you to Awaken You until we are reunited in the dawning of a new Heaven and a new Earth...Be Still and Know.

There Will Always be a Blessing

Some things are genetic:
I like mayonnaise on my hamburgers AND my hot dogs.
Canadian Bacon and mushroom pizza is my first choice.
Fresh sea food - oh my yummy tummy.
When I have to deliver serious news...I talk calmly and quietly.

My parents divorced when I was young, both had remarried and I lived in another state when my biological dad was in a boating accident.  I was eight.  Although separated in a variety of ways, I have always had a strong bond with my dad's family.  The above internal habits this week had us all saying, "Me Too!"

My grandpa has been through an incredible health ride since the beginning of May:  pneumonia, kidney failure, cellulitis, antibiotic allergies, skilled nursing, more cellulitis, PT units, a horrible fall/facial stitches, blood transfusion, negligent transportation/brain bleed, back to skilled nursing, and this Sunday back in the hospital with MRSA/low kidney function.  Intermingled with all this is possible dimentia/medically induced confusion/delirium.

But through it all, I watch God work in amazing and beautiful ways.

My grandparents have been married for 64 years.  I watch my grandma grab her walker or cane and take care of every need that she possible can.  She wipes his eyes, scratches his head, rubs his ears, feeds him what little we can get him to eat, wipes the corners of his mouth, covers him up.  It is the MOST precious thing that God has allowed me to part of.  It feeds my soul to witness such love and I am beyond honored to be their grand-daughter.

I mentioned a few blogs ago, that my grandpa was able to regain some memory and pray over our lunch.  As it is very hard to get grandma to leave his side, I elevatored down to the cafeteria to grab her and me some lunch Monday to bring up to the room, and waited for her to pray over our meal.  (This is where I discovered where my Mayo addiction comes from).  She grabbed my hands and said, "You go child".  And God provided the most beautiful words and we were both dripping tears over a burger, salad, and fries.

Later as we were both being strong women as the kidney doctor gave us the run-down, I look up at his assistant and she is holding back rims of tears...so being the contagious crier that I am, the flood gates open, then there goes grandma.  She of course said she was fine until I got going, so I blamed the helper because I was fine until she got going - laughter through tears is so cleansing.

My uncle called and I gave the doctor's report.  My other uncle called up to get clarification, then a cousin, and an aunt.  The first uncle walked into the room later and said "I get real quiet when I am serious, so I knew when you got quiet it was serious".  Oh wow...Me Too!  So...a little history on the pizza.  When I was pregnant with my oldest my uncles came to visit us and my husband called in pizza and asked what they wanted...in unison they said Canadian Bacon and Mushroom.  My husband had stunned silence and we looked at each other wide-eyed as my pizza of choice was exactly that.

I have listened to Sirius XM the Message on the hour drive to and from the hospital the past couple of days.  There have been a few tears, but mostly y'all, I am rocking the one-man praise and worship band in my little Juke.  God is sending all my favorites and I am returning them to Him at the top of my off-key lungs.

All that comes to me is...What A Blessing!  To be a part of this life, this family, this faith.  My grandpa is the one that dropped me off at Sunday School when I was a tiny thing.  To be able to hold his hand, make sure he is warm, and pray over him is overwhelming and such a testament to the circle of life.  He had a moment of clarity yesterday, called me "shorty", and then told me that I had gotten about an inch shorter.  Through all his body is putting him through, he can light up the room with his ornery smile and asks all the new nurses where they go to church.

Isaiah 46:4  Even in your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you.  I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.

Psalm 71:18  So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come.

artflakes.com

My grandparents have always argued over who will get go to see my dad first, and while we will never know why the suffering of the past few months has been allowed, one day we will all celebrate together, and frankly, I don't think "the why" will even be an issue at that point!

Right now we are all trying to discern the lesson, fellowshipping every-other-week in a hospital room, and realizing that there is more to mayo and pizza that meets the eye!  

Thank You Lord that you are bringing our family together, for laughs and tears, deep conversations of faith and raising kids, light-hearted talks of food and mannerisms, for the strength You are giving my grandma and the smile that You share with grandpa.  Thank You for sending healthcare workers that will cry with us. Help all of us to seek Your joy and blessing through every single moment that we are given and forgive us when we question Your ways.  In Your Holy Name...Amen.

Boldly Stand

2 Chronicles 20:17 (MSG) You won't have to lift a hand in this battle; just stand firm, Judah and Jerusalem, and watch God's saving work for you take shape.  Don't be afraid, don't waver.  March out boldly tomorrow, God is with you.  

What reassurance...stand firm.  You won't have to lift a hand in this battle.  Don't be afraid.  God is with you.

Three nations have come against Jehoshaphat.  A huge force was on its way and they were short on time. Verse 3, Shaken/Afraid he turned to God.  He prays before an assembly of people.  He asks God...are you really going to let this happen?  Are you really going to let them kick us out of the land?  And then, in front of all his town's people, Jehoshaphat says...we are helpless, we don't know what to do, we are looking to You.

God sends his spirit to declare in v. 15 "this is God's war, not yours"...stand firm.

Our Pastor preached on Mark 2 last night where the paralytic was healed.  And what he chose to focus on was - "Be the Friend".  Be the friend that if you can't get through the door to help your brother/sister/friend/neighbor, take it to the roof!  In Mark 2:5 Jesus was "impressed by their bold belief."

As I left our WBS last night and walked out with my friend and we shared our going-ons and weariness...she said, "when you feel yourself spinning out of control, come stand by me, let me be the adult.  You don't have to say anything just come stand by me and feel safe".  And I love her for every ounce of who she is...

This morning at around 3:30 a.m., because that is only second to the shower as to the perfect timing of profound thoughts...God said, come stand by me.  Feel safe.  Don't be afraid.  God is with you.

Like Jehoshaphat, we all experience areas where we feel under attack, and most of the time, we have little notice to prepare.  I have said to God several times over the past few weeks...months...are you really going to let this happen?  I compare J's concern for his land to our need for a comfort zone...are you really going to shake things up?

And here is the kicker...are we willing to admit we are helpless, afraid, trembling?  That we don't know what to do?  Not just to God, but to a friend, to an assembly of people?    Upon J's plea, God didn't say stay home tomorrow, he said "march boldly".  Jesus was impressed by "bold belief".  The war is not ours, but that doesn't mean that we get to sit at home in the cushions of complacency.  Our obedience to stand firm, march boldly, to seek healing for a friend through roof-top faith allows us to witness full-on the work that God does on our behalf. You want proof?  Go stand beside your friend - let your friend stand beside you, march boldly with your people, be willing to have hope that defies logic & gravity.

So having had some heart-to-heart's with God (tear-filled despair & surrender), and sharing with my friend, I bring it before you, my assembly of readers.  I pray Faithful Father, that we all stand firm against the battles that seemingly come out of no where and often in multitudes, that we are willing to be bold despite our weariness, for reliance on pillars of strength found in friends and Jesus, to be a safe zone for others, and to go boldly each day and stand in awe of Your Presence.  Amen.

You Do You

One of my favorite things to hear my daughter say, and it makes me giggle every time is, "You Do You." The chuckle results from the fact that she usually makes this statement when she doesn't want to play along, but is completely okay with us following through on whatever we have declared at the moment.

But in all seriousness, why can't we just let people be themselves?  You totally do you.  Do it well.  You go out there and you rock you!

You want to run a Marathon...

You want to get addicted to Hot Yoga...

You want to incorporate Kale into your daily diet...

You want to wear black socks and white shoes...

You want to drop to your knees as you worship...

You think Kombucha is life changing...

You want to wear Yoga pants even though you don't do Yoga...

You want to travel outside of the United States...

YOU DO YOU!

Here's the deal...

I want to go to the track and walk at a leisurely pace...

I am not a fan of Yoga at any temperature or its pants...

I cannot get an acquired taste for Kale (I have tried and I am over it)...but that Spinach though...

I want to live where I can wear flips flops year round...

I am an intimate worshiper, I might raise my hands on occasion, but it is between me and God...

I love me some Lipton Cold Brew...

I have no desire to travel outside of the U.S. of A...

I can totally do me!

In her Bonus Essays (pg. 3) for her book release For the Love, Jen Hatmaker puts it this way:

The minute we start believing (or acting like) different equals against, then we become combatants in an invented war.  Whether we find offense where there is none or offend because we feel right, either way, we've turned sisters into enemies.  The tricky thing is, there really is no "right" in this particular brand of battle.  It is not right or wrong to let your baby sleep on your bed.  It is not right or wrong to work outside the home.  It is not right or wrong to send your kids to public school.  It is not right or wrong to throw enormous parties.

These are preferences, that's all.  We each have a cocktail of personality, experiences, tendencies, and gifts, and they jumble together and make us who we are.  I do not need to feel threatened because something is right for you but not for me.  You don't need to become defensive because I love this way and you love the opposite.

I am completely sure what she is saying here is "You Do You!"

My husband and I marvel (and at times are horrified) at all the ways our kid's childhood is differing from each of ours.  The world is waaaaayyy different, the way we parent is different, the choices that need to be made...vastly different.  If their lives are being molded unlike the way our parents and grandparents did it...then my friends, they are going to be most certainly distinct from the way you and your family tree made it work.

Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born, I set you apart.

Matthew 10:30-31  Even the hairs on your head are all numbered.  So do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.

I once had someone tell me (after to getting to know me) I was a "goodie" in High School.  And my response to him was similar to this:  I had to be.  My parents could not afford to send me to college.  They would have made it work, because they are amazing and wanted more for me, as I did for myself.  I had two younger brothers behind me, I didn't want them to go without current or future needs.  In High School I had to make good grades, being involved in lots of activities was a back-up hope for additional scholarship opportunities, and ended up being the exact thing that landed me a full-ride.  So where some saw "goodie" or "snob"...I saw survival and a future.  I had to do me...it was my ticket out.

God had and continues to have a plan for my life.  While I can look back and see His blessings and loving hand in my choices, both the hard and the necessary...I cannot see what the future holds.  God gave my daughter sweet words Sunday as we discussed my current season - maybe now is just a time of change and trying something completely new.  I know if he provides for the sparrows...He will provide for me.  Let me do me, and my dear co-humans, I am your number one fan to let you do you!  ((hugs)).

If He can hold this world, He can hold this moment.  Not a field or flower escapes His notice.  Oh, even the sparrow...knows He holds tomorrow.  Amen.

Jason Gray - Even the Sparrows