Mustering the Courage to Shine

The United Methodist Church in Oklahoma held its Annual Conference this week, which allowed me the opportunity to speak at our Wednesday night CONNECT service.  The theme of the night was Shining our Light and Exposing the Darkness.  This message was actually one of the first ones I had begun to write over a year ago.  I could never quite finish it and never really had the warm fuzzy feeling that it was going to have this overwhelming impact.  But God knew.  He knew just the right time that it would be needed, not just for me, but also for the people sitting in our room last night.  So here are a few resources that influenced me to pull it all together (physically, emotionally, in writing) and will hopefully let you know:  that you are never alone, fear is not unique, nor is it picky or very far away, and we are all capable of Shining!

1. I follow several blogs and Grace Uncommon had a title that caught my eye, 'When Fear has you stopped:  Shining your light in a dark world'.  And she says it is not hard to grow weary.  Attacks are usually aimed at our weaknesses.  There is a feeling of defeat (raising my hand) and a lure to stop fighting (hand still raised - raise it high!).  The fear is real – for safety, security, comfort and peace.  Fear of being vulnerable, imperfect, of failure and grief.  Fear lures us to stop, to give up and quit.  We need to boldly rise and shine our light, for each of us has been given a gift for such a time as this.  2 Corinthians 4:8-9 tells us that we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed.  Perplexed, but not in despair.   Persecuted, but not abandoned.  Struck down, but not destroyed.   

We don’t need to be fearless to be brave, we just need to stand up and be brave anyway!

2. What I have experienced in my own life, and what God has opened my eyes to is that this is a stark reality for so many people - darkness, despair, hurt.  Holly Gerth writes in her blog INcourage Me, not EN, but IN –I just love that!?  She says “it is okay to be broken… it is okay to hurt”.  And you know why?  Colossians 1:17 says “God holds all things together”.  It is not in our job description to hold it together all the time, but IT IS in God’s.  It is okay to have hard days, to cry, to be concerned about the future – but NONE of it is too big for God.  Matthew 11:28, come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  She nails it in her blog – Trying to be perfect is exhausting!  Ignoring the hurt drives it deeper! Pretending our pain isn’t real only makes it yell louder to get our attention!  Be broken.  God really wants to hold you together.

3. Johnathan Cahn writes in his May article for Charisma Magazine:  Elijah was engaged with the nation and culture surrounding him.  He was a light shining in its darkness.  We must be the same.  No matter what age we live in and no matter what the state of its culture, our calling to be the light of the world remains.  The light doesn’t ignore the darkness.  The light doesn’t pretend that the darkness isn’t really that dark.  It doesn’t tone down its light to be politically correct or not to offend.  It doesn’t hide its radiance in fear of persecution.  Nor is it content to live a self-absorbed existence focusing on itself and its own prosperity.  If it does any of these things, then it ceases being the light.  What does the light do?  It shines.  It lights up the darkness.  It changes the world around it.  And I absolutely love this part:  How can we make a difference if we are afraid of being different?

As He works in my life, which is still crowded with fear, and cracked, and broken, I know that it is vital to keep throwing my legs over the side of the bed, no matter how strong the pull to curl back up under the covers.  Too often we become consumed with sitting in the shadows, and we bargain with God, we dare Him to show Himself, to make Himself tangible - then it would be uncomplicated to believe.  I think this is one of the hardest tasks we can ever challenge ourselves to...to deliberately work daily to completely believe that even though we do not see Him, He is there.  When it is dark at night and you look out your back door, you have a hard time seeing your patio.  That doesn’t mean your patio is suddenly absent.  You just have to flip on the light.  Just because we can’t visibly see God with earthly eyes, doesn’t mean that His Word isn’t having an effect on our lives.  The only thing that changes when you turn on the light…is YOU - YOUR perspective. 

John 20:29 Jesus said to him, "Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed."

Whether your light switch is on or off, He is the same - yesterday, today, tomorrow.  What changes is how you grasp Him.  What are we here for if not to confidently stand in the middle of this dark world and if for nothing else, to shine our light boldly in the midst of brokenness and fear? You never know who is going to need it...I was thanked last night by a widow who had been the caretaker of her husband, someone who had been through multiple surgeries and was struggling to just have a "normal day", someone who had lost a child, a person who had struggled with perfection and appearances, parents letting their youngest leave home and write his own story...we all have that fear that maybe God took a vacation day when the reality is that He holds the fort down 24/7.   

Whatever darkness is threatening today to dim your light, may you find your faith bigger than your fear so that you may be brave, be different, swing your feet over, and SHINE. 

Real People Do Not Fit in Boxes

I have been approached a few times, after 'filling the pulpit', sharing my testimony, or speaking at an event with the question "have you ever thought about becoming a preacher?".  And my delivery always contains a smile and a giggle as I share the same initial answer...Uhhhhh, No.  To say I haven't thought about it ever is not entirely true, because every time that I am asked, I do have to take .33333 of a second and ponder it, roll it around in my head and my heart, but God firmly leads me, continually, to 'No'. 

A portion of my 'No' is due to the judgement people can place on that title, and consequently the fear of being put into a box with immovable sides and sharp corners.  And since I am still in the early phases of this journey, I can admit that I am nevertheless affected when people judge me.  In spite of this, I am in a position where I no longer dwell on it and spend unworthy amounts of time trying to figure out how to make them see/understand the 'real me', and I may have been to known to pour a tall glass of wine and say a few choice words as I try to work through the 'how dare they?!'.

I do my best to explain the 'Uhhhhh, No' with the fact that I wholeheartedly feel called to just be a real person.  A real person who can read her bible, lead a public prayer, attend/lead bible study, fill the pulpit, completely commit to praying for you  (whether or not you ask me to)....while still doing things that everyday people do...while still being totally in love with God, because He is so super awesome!  Jesus is saying that He wants to use me right now with all my flaws, with all my compassion, with all my unknowns.  For whatever reason, He wants to use me because of what I have gone through in the past, to give courage to someone in my future who is facing what they feel is an insurmountable struggle and they are not sure if God is there anymore.  He needs me to be His hands and feet, not walls and corners.  Do not put me in a box, because I will totally go major-network-nightly-news-lead-story on you.  Too.  Much.  Pressure.

Acts 26:29 And Paul said, "I would wish to God, that whether in a short or long time, not only you, but also all who hear me this day, might become such as I am, except for these chains."

I love that the header for Acts, Chapter 26 (NASB) is "I Couldn't Just Walk Away".  Saul had every intention to speak against the word of God, to disprove it, when He encountered Jesus and was encouraged to see the light.  And I don't think Paul was walking casually to Damascus, I picture it as an Imperial March, forceful, deliberate...and then here is Jesus telling Paul that He has other plans for him.  And Paul could no longer deny it and walk away like nothing had happened.  And Paul begins to live "such as I am".  He doesn't deny that he had it all wrong, he owns it and uses his past to propel him forward and share God's message, and he knows that God can work quickly or draw it out until the perfect time.  Learning as he went, no perfection, new territory, completely out-of-the box living.

I have landed at a point in my life, and for the most part, I know who I am.  And I am not bragging, I just want you to know, that I really am nice.  If I know you, I am going to say Hi to you and probably wave, and maybe even give you a hug.  That is wholly who I am, whether you believe it or not (Now, if you have been a turd to me somewhere along the road, it may not be an overly enthusiastic Hi and prooobablyyy nooot gonna get a hug, but chances are strong that I will still acknowledge that I know you in public).  I was at a convention this past weekend, where I got to see ladies that I only see this one time a year.  When that happens we smile and hug and then laugh as we look at each other's name tag and ask "What was your name again?  Where are you from?"...To be authentic, to acknowledge that we are connected in some way, to absolutely embrace that I forgot your name, but I know you and love you anyways...I adore it. 

So in the spirit of connecting and keeping it real:

No one in my family puts the new roll of toilet paper back on the dispenser, not even me...
Not sure about sister, but pretty sure the rest of us all blow our noses in the shower...
Right now, there are about six squished June Bugs on my floors, and no one will pick them up...
Do not, I repeat, do not look behind/under/within my couch...
When we make brownies at our house, we get out ONE fork, it stays in the dish, and the whole batch sporadically disappears...
I don't think I am alone when I say - sometimes I take a swig straight from the milk jug...
When I work in the yard, I sweat in embarrassing places...
I have suffered from Post-Partum Depression, Depression in general, and Social Anxiety...
I am giddy to be starting a new book, Sermon on the Mount, in our Women's Bible Study group next week...
I have a prayer journal in my purse, because I forget things and you never know when God will need you to write something down...
I had peanut butter, no bread or jelly, just peanut butter for lunch...
Sh*t is a part of my vocabulary, almost free from all others, but that one lingers...
I have an alter-ego when you talk smack on my kids or husband or family (I will cut you off like a past-due bill)...
And I would guess that you have spotted several grammatical, punctuation, etc. errors...

Not perfect, nowhere even close, have not claimed to be...I can own it and believe me, I continually pray about it.  If you want to talk about any of the above items, I can promise you a real and genuine conversation with lots of laughter, and possibly some tears.  If God can use me, I tell you with all sincerity, He can use anyone!

"Such as I am"...it will not fit in a box and there is no need to recycle it...I'm made new!







 

Soap Poisoning and Safe Words

I have experienced several laughing-so-hard-you-cry (or pee) moments over the past week or two and have been trying to figure out how to work them into a message and today as I read through my devotions, it hit me - I have a lot of favorites.

-Last week my daughter decided to make cupcakes.  Not just any cupcakes, made from scratch (okay from a box, but we still had to make them), double chocolate, BUTTERCREAM ESPRESSO icing cupcakes - pardon me while I wipe off the drool.  While she was waiting for the cupcakes to cool, she took a shower and I began working on the infinite task of laundry.  Somewhere in that colossal time frame of about 20 minutes, she frosted the cupcakes?!  As I walked back into the kitchen, she has the icing bowl in the sink and is waiting for the faucet water to get hot enough to wash it out.  Um, excuse me, there is still icing in that bowl - commence GIANT finger sweep to remove said icing from bowl (because we just don't leave perfectly good icing in a bowl in this family).  As I plop that dollop of icing in my mouth, I get a distinct flavor.  Follow me here...it tastes like Mallory's lotion smells.  I am trying to figure out how her freshly showered-slathered in lotion aroma got into the icing bowl.  So with all the talent I can muster, I balance that dollop of BUTTERCREAM ESPRESSO icing on my tongue and ask "did you already put soap in the bowl"?  She looks at me with WIDE eyes and doubles over laughing as I begin to spit into the sink, still trying to balance the icing only on my tongue and not swallow it in my fit of laughter.  Later, as I go outside to feed the dog (and continue to spit), she Tweets "You know your mom loves you when you accidentally feed her soap and she ain't even mad".  Yep, I 'favorited' it.

-A few days later, we are at a 13U baseball game for my son, who plays catcher.  You are no longer allowed to, as a base runner, plow the catcher at home plate on a close play.  However, this does not keep kids/coaches from doing it.  Blake was the recipient of a hard knee to the head due to the base runner sprinting home and "neglecting" to slide.  Our coach went out and started running through several concussion drills (he was fine) and gave him a safe word, Omaha, to remember going forward in case a head wound later presented itself.  Now, my sweet, 13 year-old boy is...BLOND.  And bless his heart, we now have something new to hold over his head when he has a "Blond Moment".  Because every time he gets a little air in his noggin', we ask "(dear God) what is the safe word"?  And I giggle, because 1. He is okay 2. When he doesn't feel like saying Omaha, he says "lovely lady lumps" (13 year-old boy my friends) and 3. It's my favorite.

-One more, from baseball this past weekend.  Not only do I have a 13 year-old son, he plays on a baseball team with 10 other 13 year-old boys.  I have a 15 year-old daughter, who apparently...is hot.  Blake, my son, will dispute this claim and seemingly has zero problem handing out his sister's cell phone number to his partners in crime.  So sitting at team dinner one Friday night, she starts getting texts from random numbers, originating from boys at the end of the table giggling like 10 year-old girls as they text 'Heeeeey'.  Profound, I know.  There was also a picture sent of a hairy leg sent by one of the numbers, not their own leg mind you, but a creepy one off the inter-web...apparently that is how you impress an older woman these days.  The coach starts plugging in the numbers so he can tell her which player is working on "his game".  And as he gets to the fourth number, he realizes...it's his son's number.  He hangs his head and declares "proud parenting moment right there" and follows it with "well, no one is out of his league".  All parents have those moments when you aren't sure if you are suppose to be proud or embarrassed - those are my favorite.

And as I read my devotionals this morning I had a reading from 1 John - I love that book (it's my favorite!).  And then I had a reading from the book of Titus - are kidding?  I love that book (it's my favorite!).  And then here comes readings from Ephesians, Romans, James - really?  I love those books (my favorites!).    To ask me to pick a favorite of the favorites would be impossible for me.  I saw a shirt the other day that said "Jesus loves you, but I am His favorite".  God could never pick a favorite of the favorites, because He loves us all, each smile, each laugh, each joy we find in His word, He loves it, hands down, His favorite!


2 Corinthians 5:17-9  Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.  

God made a way through Christ to make us ALL His favorites.  I have no doubt He looks down and smiles as we laugh while making a new memory, or regards us tenderly as we cherish a recollection from the past.  And I imagine, that he looks down most fondly on the times we embarrass Him, only to come through the moment and make Him proud...the trials that test our very being, that end in glory from Him, through Him, and to Him.  He is our proud Father, relishing each instance that we triumph and treasure.  He doesn't remember the sin, he only takes into account that He sent His son to wipe all that away, and as painful as that was, I think it is one of God's favorites, and it should be ours too.  The ultimate trial, the ultimate sacrifice...made all things new.  Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John...those are my favorites.

My boys will put the safe word into action in June as they travel to play in a tournament in Omaha, and I pray that Blake is not confused by all this!  All kidding aside, what if we all practiced putting our favorites into action?  Aiming to be not just God's favorite, but the favorite of everyone we meet.  Sharing something that will make them smile - A favorite verse, a blessing bag for the homeless, an Espresso Double Chocolate Cupcake, a text of a hairy leg (because sometimes random can be hilarious), a devotional that spoke to your heart, a hug, and maybe most importantly, forgiveness.  Reconcile, make a new beloved memory, make the relationship new.

God calls us to love Him and love one another.  In my opinion, if you want it, when you have lots of favorites, you are on the right path.  When you can't choose because you Love. Them. All. So. Much - man, that is something right there.  So CHEERS to laughter, and triumph, and endless favorites - may you be blessed by the safe word of Christ. ((Hugs)).

**Disclaimer - For two days after the GIANT finger sweep, if I said something a little sillier than usual...Mallory would ask if I had soap poisoning.  Maybe, long-shot here, Blake comes by it honestly.**