To say that my heart is heavy this week is a massive understatement...with volcanoes, earthquakes, death tolls, riots, and empty baseball stadiums...it is hard to know where to begin my prayers and when, if ever, to end them. I have been debating all week what to focus my scattered thoughts on. I have typed and deleted, I have researched scripture and researched some more, I have watched the news and prayed some more...so much sorrow. Sorrow. Grief. Desperation.
Lamentations 2:11 (NASB) - I have cried until the tears no longer come; my heart is broken. My spirit is poured out in agony as I see the desperate plight of my people. Little children and tiny babies are fainting in the streets.
I have chosen the NASB version, but you should really take some time to check out other Bible translations of this verse - graphically descriptive. As in troubled bowels, distressed innards, livers upchucking on the earth, casting up gall bladders. So while I chose a 'spirit in agony' version, it was pretty much 'severe flu-like symptoms/emergency surgery' back in Jerusalem.
The book of Lamentations expresses the grief over the destruction of Jerusalem as a consequence of disobedience to God, it reminds us of the consequences of wrong choices. I have seen multiple articles this week asking "Where is God?", and I want to embrace every single soul and whisper "He is here, He is waiting for you to ask". He is waiting for us to intercede, to align our grief in prayer. No more bargaining. No more actions carried out in the heat of the moment in an effort to call his bluff. He is ever present, but He is allowing it because we allow it.
As I researched, I learned that back in the day, the liver was thought to be the seat of all passions. Graphically descriptive warning: When you vomited bile, it was thought to be a discharge of your agitated passions. Feelings entirely gave way under the "acuteness of sorrow", no longer able to be restrained.
Is that not what we are seeing in Baltimore? An acute sorrow no longer able to be restrained? Fox News reported this morning that Mr. Gray's neighborhood has a 51% unemployment rate. I speak from an all-too-familiar place: When there is no paycheck, no prospect of a paycheck on the horizon, when you spend your days scrapping for any work you can find, when you have to humbly stand in line at the food bank, when you have to humbly hand the cashier your food-stamp card to pay for groceries, when few people are available to help you get on your feet because they too are struggling in their own ways - Acute sorrow does not begin to cover it.
I am not condoning riots and looting. Theft, vandalism, and a lack of regard for another person's livelihood are what put my family in a place of acute sorrow. Destroying someone's property and income is not the answer. Riots can create another situation of poverty for a family; a family with kids; a family that is just trying to make a living the best they know how.
I do, however, have a deep compassion for the "desperate plight of my people", for the situations that cause such actions. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, no matter where you stand on your belief in Christ at this moment, we are bound together through His creation and love for us. There is a section of America right now that is trying to get someone's attention, they are crying out, pleading, for help in ways that are so completely foreign to those of us who have always known job stability, food on the table, a non-leaking roof over our heads, brand-new clothes on our backs.
I can only speculate the level of desperation these residents are at. Stop and think about it, there is a reason we do not see rioting in middle-class and greater neighborhoods - Basic human needs are being met. I am not saying this hierarchy of America is not without trouble, I am talking basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing. A warm shower. No risk of utilities being shut-off. No risk of eminent eviction. And let's all admit it, when we feel we are wronged, we fanaticize about "an eye-for-an-eye", we pin quotes about "karma", we practice in the mirror all the things we could say to put someone back in their place.
One of my favorite God moments was in the middle of getting a tattoo and I share this story a lot. My brother bought me a tattoo for my birthday and I also used it to celebrate surviving "the incident". While in the middle of my tattoo, one of the kids that broke into our store walked in. I had been planning what I would say to any one of the three for almost six months if I ever had the chance, and here one stands, not having any idea who I am. And God, my friend, was ever present. The only way I know to describe what I felt was "a dome of peace". It seriously felt like this little bubble of warmth started at the top of my head and enveloped my body and I heard God tell me "there is nothing you can say that he would understand".
Until we can relate on some level to the desperation that is growing in our country, there is no conversation that can ease the sorrow. Until we can stop talking about the tragedy of the disparity, and put it into deliberate action, there will continue to be neighborhoods that seek to exhibit their own form of justice. They will seek to hurt simply because they are hurting. Let me encourage you to take your first deliberate action: Pray. It does not have to be long or be eloquent, IT JUST HAS TO BE. We have to start somewhere.
Lord, we pray for Chili.
Lord, we pray for Nepal.
Lord, we pray for Baltimore.
Lord, we pray for those in desperate situations, help us to intercede for their most basic needs and well-being.
Amen.
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