My Own Personal Staircase

Okay, last week and this week, I am experiencing some major writer's block y'all.  I have prayed over it and I even read 3 (three!!) books last week hoping to be inspired and I think all I did was completely cloud my judgement and perspective on a few things.  So something that you should know about me when this happens...I get quiet.

If I am not sure what direction you are coming at me from...I get quiet.

If I am not sure if it is kosher to throw something out there...I get quiet.

If I read something that deeply affects me, I have to set it aside and...I get quiet.

In situations where many, many people are being passive aggressive and/or down right rude...I get quiet.

My Timehop on Facebook these past few days has been from 4-5 years ago of not-so-fun memories...it makes me quiet.  And as I sit here wondering what message God wants me to share with you, I guess it would be that feelings are human, they are hard, real, always just beneath the surface, and...they are okay.  

He wants us to know that moments of deep despair will rock our little worlds and bring us to our knees, but there is this wonderful staircase of grace and mercy that is begging for ascension when we dry our tears and change our course.  We can't begin this climb in the middle of the stairwell, it has to begin at the bottom.

We have been studying the parables of forgiveness in WBS and it is hard to discern if you have or have not forgiven sometimes, especially when the wonderful world of feelings throws lumps in your throat and sprinkles emotions in your eyeballs.  We discussed feeling's sneaky little side-kick trust last week.  Forgiveness is the tread before you get to the first step.  Trust and feelings can be a tall, steep climb.  It took the first disciples a very, very long time to trust Saul/Paul.  They "felt" he was a bit aggressive in his commission...and Paul said:

2 Corinthians 11:6  I may be unskilled as a speaker, but I am not lacking in knowledge... 

So, sometimes the words don't come out quite right, people don't get us...or we get quiet.  Those are the times we find ourselves at the top of an incline, where the oxygen gets a little thin, and God breathes new life into us.

Every once in awhile a little meloncholy Timehop is good.  It lets you look back at all the stairs you have conquered, at all the dried puddles of saltwater and fear, at rickety steps of regained or extended trust, and at a smooth wrought iron handrail of acceptance, love, and a peace that only God can provide.

So if you happen upon me and I am quiet, know that I am just pausing on my staircase, holding onto the handrail so I don't fall, fixing some squeaky boards, examining my tread for wear-and-tear, and chilling with God at the oxygen bar.  

Pic courtesy of becauseofgrace.wordpress.com