Whatever the degree to which I downplay the next year of life, inside I am so thankful for all of it's crazy imprints on the first 4 decades of love, lessons, and celebrations. I am extremely thankful to be bidding my 30's a quasi-fond farewell...
http://www.welcome-home-blog.net/2013/06/there-is-story-they-tell-of-two-dogs.html
To this woman who has lived through her thirties and survived to tell about it:
You will enter your thirties with a near-death experience. Seriously. Your thirtieth birthday was a blast, dinner on the canal and an OKC Hornets game with your soul mate. Now I don't know if it was the fact that you were 115 lbs, low-carbing, and teaching indoor-cycling four days a week, but the wine at dinner and cosmos at the piano bar after the game did you in...You will pass out in the shower the next morning and then hop in the car for an hour and half drive to Thanksgiving dinner with your family. Cheers to you 30! The good news here is that you will not overdo it again for at least ten years and counting...
In the few months following entry into your thirtieth decade, you will be faced with unemployment and the diagnosis of cancer in your very own momma. January and February will be very dark months for you, but you will be supported in ways you never imagined by people you never would have thought. And you will begin to say good-bye. Good-bye to your college town (Go Bronchos!), your home for the past 12 years, the birth town of your babies, neighbors and friends in the same stage of life as you, your sanity, vodka (allergic), 115 lbs (never to be seen again), 10:00 pm trips to Target (it really is for the best), early morning runs, and a wee-bit of selfishness (though this will be a humbling process that comes to a head at 36).
As you approach 31, you will find yourself in a a new-to-you small town just 8 miles from where you "grew up" as a youth. You will have lived with your parents for a couple of months while waiting to close on a house. You will have moved into that new house and cried many tears as you cleaned up years of dust and grime in every crevice of your new project. Your daughter adjusts wonderfully to her new school and finds a new friend that reminds you exactly of the little friend she left in Edmond. Your son will have a harder time and it will take a lot of prayers and patience to walk this experience with him. Small town life is extremely different from the life you were accustomed to. It is best to keep these observations to yourself as you will soon learn...everyone is related and you are not from here.
You will find yourself trying out a few different career paths in your thirties. Trying to figure out who you are, where you fit in, and the best was to contribute to your family and soul. You are ever the trusting being and you will be deeply wounded by friends, board members, church family...this is not their fault. You are trying to be something you are not yet ready for and relying on people and things that are not capable of meeting the same expectations you set for yourself. You need to chill out and I hate to say it, but it will be one of the hardest processes I feel you will ever go through.
You will trust someone to have your families best interest in mind. You will enter into a partnership and find yourself owning a store. You will continue trying to be all things to all people and your perfectionism disorder will cause you a great deal of stress. You will be attacked by people you don't even know. You will have your income stolen and broken by a few kids up to no good. And you will have to let go. Let go of plans, a home, dignity, pride, "friends", gossip, perfectionism, control, reputation, effort, facades, self...
It is here that after 36 long years...you find a relationship with God. Not a church, a sermon, or simply a belief in God...but you will find Him. He will begin to reveal Himself to you in powerful ways and the light at the end of your dark tunnel will begin to be blinding. You will discover new gratitude for your marriage and your little family of four. The people that you have have always tried to be there for, will begin to be there for you. You will realize that the violent way that everything was taken from you can only mean that you are NOT in control - this is the most freeing revelation - hold onto it with all your strength and bring it to mind when things get low from time-to-time, because they will.
Your circle has gotten much smaller as you approach 40, but the quality of those involved in your life has increased ten-fold. You are a work-in-progress that does your best to capture every thought and word and examine it for its potential goodness in the world. You have learned to say NO - and I am so very proud of you. The world did not end with those two letters flowing off your tongue. Own that word with compassion and kindness. While the process of the past four years has been humbling and blessed, sometimes lonely, it has brought you to so many illuminated places internally...focus on the good in you and in the world. Keep writing, keep loving, keep forgiving, keep talking to God.
My wish for you is that you approach the next 10 years with a minimalist mindset. Downsizing all the "things" in your life that you do not find lovely or that do not bring you joy. If it clutters your closet or mind, donate it to the world and move on. Pull those BandAids off and share your scars with the world. Turn them into a kickin' tattoo that allows you to witness to the world the work of God's grace and mercy in your life. Let your mantra be:
Luke 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Yes dearest thirties, I learned a lot from you. I got back to high-school skinny twice - then I remembered that I really like cheesecake and carbs. I approached you with my whole life planned and I am leaving you living day-by-precious-day. I entered you with a 5 year-old and a 3 year-old. I am taking a 15 and 13 year-old into my 40's and I never imagined that I could love two people more. At thirty, I had been married, like-forever and 10 years...but at forty, it will be 20 years and all I hope for is more and more time with my heart, my best-friend.
Good-bye to you 30's. You have given me a lifetime of lessons in your ten years with me. The foundation I enter 40 with is several layers more solid and because I hold no expectations...it is way more exciting to approach. I am thankful for you, but please know, that I will not miss you.
My Best Regards,
Your 39 year, 354.5 Day Old Thankful Friend
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