The job that I was laid off from, held all the benefits: Health, dental, life, retirement. My husband's job does not even offer them at this time. I feel like we are sitting ducks. We were covered for almost five years, and played baseball all of those five years...but my son waited until this weekend to foul a ball off his face.
It was an at-bat in slow motion, one of those moments where time stands still and one-million thoughts race through your head. As he dropped to his knees and I heard the moan escape him, that moan that only a momma hears and knows is not of this earth, the thought I settled on was "I don't care if I embarrass him". I was amazed at how quickly his teammates cleared a path for me! And I was thankful that only a handful of people heard me say the same bad word three times under my breath as a flew off the bleachers...I love Jesus, but I cuss a little.
One of my friends shared a blog today The Goodness of God and it shares how we want tangible goodness, and sometimes, most of the time, we as humans, can not fathom God's goodness. Human goodness, is not even close to God goodness.
Well, thanks be to God, we experienced a little tangible goodness in the foul-tipped-curve-ball-to-face incident. By my side, out of nowhere, was a dentist...and I laughed as he said, well I am not a doctor, I am a dentist, and I hugged him and told him I would take what I could get right now. He was probably more able than a doctor as he checked my son's eye socket, nose, and jawline for pain and fractures. I like to envision an angel sticking their hand out over his eye and deflecting the baseball at just the right angle. Because that is exactly what happened. The ball hit in just a way that aside from a little swelling and some wicked stitch marks across the side of his nose...no lasting trauma, not even a black eye or visible bruising on his nose.
Vul-ner-a-ble. - Susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. There wasn't a single version of this definition that said the attack was "intentional". When we sling our weary legs over the bed each morning, we become vulnerable. When we step up to the plate and life slings every pitch in the playbook at us, we are vulnerable.
I also attended a friend's church this past week to listen to a missionary from Romania speak. I had attended two years ago with her both locally, and a few weeks later, down the road a ways, so I knew that God would be present and moving in His church. As the message wound to an end, they invited us to pray with someone from the group. I reintroduced myself to a lady that we had prayed with a couple of years before and she asked if she could pray with me. Vulnerable. Ya'll I had been playing the strong soldier after two weeks with myself and foul-tipped-curve-ball-to-face the day before. I was spent and this was dangerous territory.
The first thing she said is "you are weary"...cue tears - followed by "God wants you to rest", "there are so many words in your head", "you have grown tired", "return to prayer". As I let her pray over me and silent tears poured over my cheeks, I felt two hands placed softly on each shoulder, assuming that it was my friend. As the prayer ended and we hugged and thanked God, I turn to see my daughter sitting by my friend with a tear-streaked face. I asked her if she prayed with someone and she said softly "I was praying with you". Vul-ner-a-ble.
My first instinct was to be dismayed that she had heard what I was feeling and witnessed the weariness pour out of me. But that thought gave way to the knowledge, that sometimes, others have to hear that moan of letting go, meant only for their ears; they have to see the tears that are hiding the goodness that only God can see working. Next to my wedding day and the birth of each of my kids, I will treasure those soft little hands on my shoulders, praying with me, yearning to see the goodness of God tangible in our lives.
When my son is especially thankful for something, he gives you "the paw". In thankful gratitude, he lays his hand on your shoulder. I am so blessed to have God's goodness pour out through the hands of my children.
What strikes me this morning about Vulnerable, is the ending..."able". The vulnerability is there each waking moment, but with God's help and unseen goodness, we are "able".
Philippians 4:13 I can (Me: Am Able To) do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
P.S. I let me daughter go snowboarding with a friend for Spring Break..for the first time...uninsured. Lord have mercy!
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